It has been a little over a year since my H's affair and the discovery of it. We were separated for 5-6 months.<P>For me... I have to admit as much as I hate to looking back on it but I was totally obsessed and cosumed by the questions, the hurt, and the thoughts that run wild in your head.<P>My H kept telling me that it was over and the OW and a divorce was what he wanted. But I just couldn't accept that, it didn't make sense and I thought he had actually LOST his mind. He didn't even seem like the same person.<P>There were times that he was very hurtful but then there were times I really thought that we had a chance. It was a real rolllercoaster ride, just back and forth.<P>But even as hard has I wanted to believe that we would get back together and save our small children the kind of childhood I had, I really had my doubts.<P>Then a time came that the OW raised some issues and broke my H's heart and I was the one left to pick up the pieces. It was a hard road to travel, watching the one that you lopve so much mourn for someone else. I sometimes didn't think I was going to get through that part.<P>But after time we did get back together, it was a rough time for both of us. But we did it. At first I was so happy and then memories started coming back to mind and the resentment settled in.<P>That's when I started questioning myself as to whether I had done the right thing by reconciling. I had and still do to be honest a tremendous fear of being smacked with that nightmare again.<P>Some days are better than others. We have days that are absolutley great and then we have days when you have to wonder. But I think that the first year is the hardest because you have alot of reminders that come up as to "last year...".<P>According to my H now... he doesn't understand it at all. Why? What he saw in her? How he could have done it? None of it makes sense to him.<P>It takes time and over the months after I have gotten my head back on straight; lots of things make much better sense. The old saying of hindsite is 20/20 is 100% true.<P>I guess that the one thing that I have learned is that the whole affair process is a matter of stages. You have to go through each one!!!<P>There is alot of really great information and support here at this website and I have to tell you that this site was an ABSOLUTE GODSEND TO ME!!<P>Thank You Marriage Builders!!!<P>Genie

thank you, thank you.<BR>i am struggling with those stages, and it seems like it will never end!<BR>thanks for the ray of hope and the dash of reality

thanks for the hope...I am at the stage that the ow is out of the picture I think but H is still unsure if he wants to be married....i am trying to be strong and hang there....

Hi, Genie<P>So glad to hear from you.I often wondered how things were going for you. I missed your Monday morning updates. You and I came to this forum about the same time.<P>I think what you are feeling is normal. Marriage will always have its ups & downs. So glad things are working out for you & your family. You & I will have a much better Christmas this year than we had last year!

Sherilynne-<BR>Good to hear from an old friend, how are you doing? I am going to look for some of your posts in a minute.<P>Yes, you are exactly right it does have its ups and downs and right now I feel like it is a down moment but I am sure it will get better.<P>I had gotten rid of my internet service and just now got it back that was the reason for my sudden absence. <P>Genie

Hey German Queen !!!<P>Schwing - I'm so happy to see you're doing fine.<P>Love ya,<BR>V

Genie29<P>I am sooooo happy for you. You are an inspiration to all of us here on this site and a monument to the fact that faith and perseverance win out in the end. I only hope that I have the courage and conviction that you have shown to see me through this nightmare.<P>I seeems you are finding it difficult accepting that your husband was capable of such actions. I know that I put my wife on a pedestal and could never believe she was capable of infidelity. The only thing that keeps me going is the unconditional love I feel for her and knowing at the end of the day our family will be back together.<P>Thanks for your recent posts to my problem, they are valued comments that I will look back on when we are back together.<P>My thoughts are with you<BR>Fairenough

GENIE,<BR>thank u,so much.my husband still wants a divorce,an still has the ow,in another state.he says he doesnt love me,but last night he seemed a lil upset that i stoped wearing my wedding rings.....an i have started to turn this all around in my thinking...I am going to definatly take ur advice an c what happens.....hes still moving out soon,but who knows,if i do as u talked about....maybe there is hope....

Genie29 it is quite apparent you are well thought of “Will You Be My Coach? As well” “please” “please”. View my story The first year after discovery, and still ongoing.<P>Tadpole<BR>----------<BR>

Genie- Thanks for sharing. It means a lot to us.