I have been on this forum now for a little over a year and in that time I have learned alot. <P>But I think that the most important thing that I have learned is that it is up to ourselves to make ourselves happy.<P>Sure our spouses play a big part in our life but it is still ultimately up to us whether we are happy or not.<P>There are things that we enjoy and things that we like but... to often we seem to loose our own identity when in a relationship. Just think about it for a moment.... how were you different when you and your spouse first met?<P>I would say that for the majority of us, we were more independent instead of dependent. We were more spontanious instead of scheduled. We were more funloving instead of being so responsible.<P>Not that any of these things are bad, but life does tend to steal your own character away to an extent. And before you know it... you are like a programmed robot in some ways.<P>So here is what I have to say to you that can relate to this post... <P>1. Do what you have to do and leave some of the other stuff for another day.<P>2. Find something to do, that you used to enjoy, that you have always been curious about and would like to know more about.<P>3. Life is full of surprises and blessings. Don't let yourself be cheated out of it by anyone; your spouse, your children or yourself.<P>Try to recapture the individual you once were. You are "yourself" first and foremost! Not your H's WIFE or your W's Husband... but you are you!!!<P>It has been my experience that once you stop dwelling on the WS and the OP and the heartache in your life and become more concerned with yourself instead.... that you change in a way that is often time more attractive to the WS. It seems that they can't help but wonder what they are missing?<P>Its something about them knowing that you are sitting around pining over them that is soooo distructive to any chances of a reconciliation as well as yourself. But to throw a little funk into the game and develop a new side of yourself... there is something curious and facinating about it. And the best part about it is that you are taking steps forward and you are making yourself happy and you know that you can't let yourself down!<P>So people.... work on doing things to make yourself happy, be the kind of person you want to be instead of something that someone else wants you to be.<P>Be true to yourself and make yourself happy.<P>Genie

Genie29-<P>You observations are very insightful. You have a view that many partners may not embrace early in their experience.<P>Your partner is very lucky that you have such unique focus and vision about how to find your way back.<P>Hope you are moving down the path that you and your partner have selected. Best to you for happiness and yes...one's sense of self is very important to maintain in any relationship.<P>mrrlk

Excellent insight. I have come to the realization, even against some of the opinions here, that my marriage is over. Her family, my family believe it'll be a cold day in hell before the W gives me another chance. On that note, I have stooped to the lowest level in my life that even the OW is losing interest. My children need me more than ever, yet I was considering abandoning them, taking that last breath. I have to now pick myself up, take care of me, then I can take care of them. It is up to me. Being that bag of tears they have been seeing ain't doing them any good. I am a complete turn off to all around me. Only I can make me happy, and my happiness is infectious to all that love me, especially my kids. Touche!

<B>Thank you Genie</B>, your words (as always do) hit right home.<P>Happinness is within, not without, but we tend to thank/blame others for our smiles and our tears.<P>I hope you are doing fine & finding true happiness. <P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>