I'm writing this third time because the site keeps saying I don't excist. Great esteem builder,hu? Anyway, I really need some advice and hope you can bear with me as I explain the reason I feel unable to totally move on with recovery of my marriage. My H had an affair with his nephews' wife. We were very close as a couple and I was her friend. Actually very little people in the family liked her and helped her become accepted. What a fool! Their affair lasted 18mths. and ended last spring. Out of rage and pain I attacked OW (pushed against wall) but was stopped. I asked her how she could do this to me? All my questions were unanswered as she stood looking at the ground twisting her hair. Nothing! H has appologized to his nephew and showed remorse. Six mths. after, I being obsessed with what to do concerning her and all I needed to say, that I wrote a letter. It was not friendly at all. Basically stated my feelings and put down her in as many ways I could*** especially for not haveing the guts to appologize! No response from her. Think she sees her self as a victim. She is always trying to justify the affair by saying everyone knew, it was for love,he started it! It takes two,my H is not justifing it nor did anyone know and he's say it wasn't love just obsession which he regrets. It gets complicated because of the relationship- we are their 1st borns' Godparents, H was nephews bestman at wedding,we have common freinds (living 3 houses up!). I'm going to have to be in the same room one day. Family events can't be avioded. Feel like everyone will be watching the ****ed up couples. Of course the fear of myH seeing OW and seeing the obession he once had. We live in the same area and shop same places(not much chioce small city). Fear of what to say or how to stop myself from attacking. Please, what can I do to stop this meeting from turning bad? I know I would feel less stress and get closer if OW wasn't lurking around the next corner.<BR> BECCA

Becca,<P>This is pretty tough.<P>I can only suggest going to the rules of protection. Located on this website.<BR>When in doubt fall back on Dr.H's principles. They work for me when I work them.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Becca,<P>I'm not sure what you mean by the site saying you don't exist? If there is a problem... contact Tempest.<P>As far a your problem....<BR>If it is so important to your well being... and your H is willing to consider it...<P>How about a relocation... <BR>Not necessarily so far... but a town or two over! I understand... that might be a greater distance of commuting for your H and/or you... but it may be cheeper than counseling in the long run... and counseling will not reduce the chance of contact between H and OW.<P>Hard choices... <P>Praying for you... <P>Jim