I found out about my wifes PA last week and talked to her abut it. She denies everything but I get the impression that she has decided on a divorce. I know my role right now is to be patient and let things run there course but what if the big D comes into play.<P>I have been following the advice from this board to a T and got involved with counseling even though she won't go. I am so confused.

Please, try to be patient and give her time to sort things out. Stick to plan A to the best of your ability. Do not expect too much from her, she may be so confused that she cannot see clearly what is best for her future. She may be looking for excuses to write you off so that she can get rid of her guilt. Do not let yourself into her game. Marriage is so important, you owe it to yourself to fight until the very end.<BR>I'll be praying for you. Hang tough in there!<BR>

Goober:<P>You can start looking at the issues concerning divorce from your state's perspective. Most states have "no-fault" divorce---but if you refuse to sign a divorce petition (and if you don't want one, I'd encourage this), you need to be separated for usually a 12 month period before one person can "divorce" the other.<P>So, you've got some time. Keep working on the Plan A issues.

Goober, how is it going? How is Plan A for you? --HBC

Goober - you doing ok? <P>Divorce is the first word they utter - and they don't always go through it. Robert LEFT talking about getting a divorce as soon as possible.....well, he didn't. And we're doing great now.<P>Hang in there, ok?<P>Lori

Goober,<P>I'm feel very soory for you in this most painful time. It's hard, but don't get too frightened by the "D" word. Take your time, be patient and loving. Don't be angry or judgmental of your wife. In time she will probably see what she is going to loose, and then she will change her mind. In the mean time, don't beg, grasp or whine. Be loving, but give her space.<P>Good luck,<BR>Kenneth

To Kenneth, Lostva and HurtBut Coping<BR>Thanks for checking in. We seem to be doing a combination of Plan A and B because of the time that I need to spend at home because of work schedules and the kids. I am trying to have very little contact with her on the days I'm not at home and when I am at home I am full of support. It really is a frustrating place to be because I really do miss her and pray that this will be over soon. Can you really do Plan A if my wife is still in the affair and continues to lie about it? Do I need to catch them together in order to get her to admit what is happening? Do I talk to his wife? What if they are seperated as well? Inquiring minds need to know!<P>I am really enjoying the time away as it has given me a lot of time to reflect on the situation and on me. I am closer to God than I have ever been and love the support that He offers. I am really proud of the person that I have become and know that this situation really is not completely my fault. <P>The other advantage is that I have a lot more free time than I have had in a long time and I am really enjoying it. I don't want to get to used to it but I feel that if we ever get invloved in counseling that I will have a much better perspective on what my needs are in a succesful relationship.<P>I just received "Surviving and Affair" and have ordered "His needs, Her Needs" and look forward to reading both.<P>Thanks again for checking in. If you have any answers to my above questions, they too would be appreciated.<P>The Goob Man<BR>