When a man or woman leave a happy marriage for someone else, because of the excitement the other person brings to their life or that " in love" feeling they get, do they suffer withdrawal from their spouse???<P>I mean how can you spend many many years with someone and not miss it???<P>I asked my h the same thing the other day and he said that of course he thinks about me all the time. He said when he watches TV and sees an older couple he thinks to himself, that should have been me and my wife. But, I was really wondering if he was just saying that to me to make me feel better.<P>Can any of you betrayer out there give me your opinion or let me know what you felt toward your spouse when you left for other person.<P>Thanks

He is most likely telling the truth. I think they do love us under all of the other stuff.<P>My H actually told me last week that he did mean it when he told me he loved me. Prior to this he had told me he was pretending.<P>He also told me he missed me when he was on the trip with OP. So what the heck does this mean???<P>You know missy, I think it is kindof a process. In my H's case, he has been working with the OP closely for 2 years, spending at least 8-10 hours a day with her, going to lunch etc. He has worked in the same office with her for 3 years before this as well.<P>They were friends, but I have always worried about her. Not in a jealous sense although I'm sure it would come accross that way.<P>I have just not trusted her motives. She has always ingratiated herself to my H. I would just role my eyes. She manipulated him and me. She would call herself the "office wife" and brag that she was more aware of what he needed to do at work than he was. I truly underestimated what that does to a person. <P>It is almost like brain washing. She came across like a devout christian, telling people that they were misguided when they didn't take the bible literally.<P>Funny how fast her values can change to meet her new wants (notice I did not say needs!!!)<P>I really think it can happen when these lines are blurred. Sometimes the people involved do not really see it happening. My h has always had female friends. Usually they have been not a threat. In this case, I am betting my H was not aware.. (I know I wasn't) I know she was!!!! Apparently, so does everyone else that knows her.<P>I hadn't been in the office a lot when the kids got back in school. And when I came in she was nowhere to be seen (avoiding me). When I saw her after the trip I noticed she had lost a lot of weight, was wearing make-up and very tight fitting dresses (that were not her style before...actually they would have been better worn in the evening!!! (forgive my nastiness).<P>Anyway, after the lines are blurred, it somehow seems to erase or change what they were really feeling for us. They are confused. I see Plan A as a sort of deprogramming for the brainwashed!!!!<P>But I do think they need to come to their own conclusions. I have faith my H will. I cannot believe that this smart man will stay fooled by her. Plus, the "possession" seems to be lessening. (I can tell a difference in his eyes. Also he is nicer to me and I sense he truly means it)<P>Still a long way to go. <P>But that's what I think. I think your H loves you. I forget how long this has been going on for you. Keep plan Aing. It has to fade when it is so fantastical!!!!

Hi tootrusting:<BR>once again thanks for your reply. I don't know if what I am doing is Plan A or not. I rarely see my h and when I do, I am not sure how to act. Most of the time I just answer his questions and that is about it. I don't go out of my way to talk to him. I don't want to hang all over him and praise him because I am so hurt by what he did to me. I want him to hang all over me like he use to. <P>In the next few months, I will be seeing him at least 2-3 times a week because of my kids games. Not sure how i should treat him. It is very strange because his family comes to all the games and they always sit with me. He will come over and talk to his Mom and Dad but its just small talk. <P>I wish I could see a difference in him but i am just not sure if i do. I hear things from people around town about the OW and it just blows my mind more and more everyday that he enjoys that type of person. I mean she is 100% the opposite of me. Night and Day. Extremely possesive of all his time. <P>I come to this sight to get some sort of reassurance but as the days move on, I get more discouraged. I guess I just feel like to much time has passed and that He will go to all lenghts to prove to everyone that he was right in making this decision.<P>But, on the more positive side, I know in my heart that he loves me. I have always felt through our 19 years together that he loves me. I just can't imagine that dying overnight. Sometimes I think it would be fun to just kill him with kindness and affection and drive the OW crazy. I am sure if she thought he was in any contact with me she would go crazy. Don't forget what happened the last time. Total harrasment on her part. She went crazy sending letter to my house, my sisters house, showing up at my job, calling and hanging up at my house, driving by, putting toilet paper on our mailbox, etc.. the list goes on and on. <BR>Even after all that, he still went back to her after finding out about the breast implants. Go figure!!!!<P><BR>Last night he came to get the boys but only kept them for 1/2 hour. I am sure he was feeling the heat from ow to get home early enough to tuck her in. I hate that he is always putting her in front of the kids. YOu would think he would want to spend as much time as possible with his kids. But, I guess that is what infatuation does to a person. <P>Just not sure if I should go to a complete Plan B at this point. But how do i do that when i must see him 2-3 times a week at baseball games?????<P>what do you think????

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>When a man or woman leave a happy marriage for someone else, because of the excitement the other person brings to their life or that " in love" feeling they get, do they suffer withdrawal from their spouse???<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You're assuming that the one who left was happy in the marriage. I don't think an affair would happen in the first place if that was the case. I think the withdrawal from the spouse doesn't happen because it's not a cold-turkey end of an addiction. The WS has weaned him/herself from the marriage over time. Pulling away from the OP happens over a much shorter period of time. The cold-turkey effect of that is painful withdrawal. <P>When you've been with someone for many many years, you've had many, many years to slowly pull away. So slowly that sometimes neither spouse is aware that it's happening until an affair situation occurs.<BR>

Truthseeker, I am not sure I agree with you or perhaps I just don't want to agree with you. <P>You see I was always under the impression that my h was very happy in his marriage to me. He never showed any signs of being unhappy. We lived a very active life involoved with family and friends. I was always there for him. I did not do drugs or drink to much. We had a healthy active sex life as well. I think that is why I, as well as everyone who knows us is having a difficult time understanding just what it was that went wrong. <P>I am still preplexed as to how he can just shut his feeling off overnight and not miss the life he once lived for 19 years. <BR>I refuse to believe that this is normal behavior. <P>My h has even told me that it has nothing to do with me and he was very happy but that he is jsut DRAWN to this ow and he believes he needs to act out on those feeling at this time. <P>What do you think of that???

I was not aware of your particular situation. I was speaking inmore of a general sense. I do understand the feeling of being DRAWN to someone. I am recovering from an EA and I felt incredibly drawn to the OM. But in my case, I wasn't happy in my marriage. I can't say that my H has done anything to make me unhappy with it either. It just lost steam (not that it had much to begin with). In my case, I withdrew from my H slowly over time. It's not even that I was all that unhappy, just not happy. Does that make sense? There was a BIG something missing. my H and I lived a life of quiet resentment. Each of us had found a way to be peacefully discontent. We even thought we were content. Or at least he did. I always had the feeling of 'not quite right', something's missing. I just dismissed it, thinking it was just a lull, all couples go through it and it will pass. For me, it didn't pass. It got worse and when I felt drawn to the OM I fought it at first, but over time, I couldn't fight it any longer. Feelings were stirred in me that i thought were long dead. So, for me, withdrawal from my marriage had already happened before I felt that pull for the OM. <P>I honestly can't say what your H is feeling. The only thing I can think of is that the pull of the OP is so powerful that it's masking any feelings of withdrawal from the marriage. That if the OP wasn't there, he would miss what you had together.

Mystic, at the point when my H began his affair 2 years ago, I had no idea he was unhappy with our marriage. I knew he was "down", but anytime I asked, his answer was work or his mom's health. Through this whole time he has said I was a great wife, wonderful mother, his best friend...but at some point 2-5 years ago, he pulled away from me. Just as the the OW came into his life. He did feel withdrawal from me. Not much as he saw me or talked to me daily. He often wanted us both in his life and didn't know how to choose. The kids and I were his family, she was, what? Entertainment? I don't know. <P>This happens to "good" marriages and good people as they make bad choices & decisions. I went through the kids' softball season last year as my H moved in and out, I think 3 times? I was probably ready for Plan B at that time, but I didn't know how to go about it, so I stuck with Plan A. I was nice when I saw him, always spoke to him, looked as good (in a casual way) as I could, I invited him to go out for ice cream with the kids afterwards, or home for a beer. I issued LOTS of invitations, some of which were requests about stuff that needed doing around the house--which he was willing to do. He took me up on most of them. And, when he was ready to leave, I always hugged & kissed him.<P>The OW didn't understand why he would want to spend so much time with me or the kids...which I think rather points out her character weakness...but he still wanted her, her kid wasn't usually around when my H was, so H didn't have to deal with her as a mother, with responsibilities. That's the fantasy. Being "drawn" to someone isn't the same as living with them, co-parenting, being there when you watch your children play ball...<P>Hang in there.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

hey Lor,<BR>What is your situation now? Are you and your husband living together now? Are you hoping for a reconciliation?. My h had been living with Ow for about 3 months now and about 3 miles from my home. <P>Do you think I would benefit if I try to be as nice as possible to him? I have just been going thru the motions at this point. Only talking to him when I need to. <P>Sometimes I think to myself what am I doing to my pride by sitting around and waiting for him to wake up. Some of the things he has said to me has really been very hurtful. He at one point told me that I am the good girl but that he feels he needs the sexy bad girl image in his life right now. Almost like its a game. He also says that this girl is his DREAM GIRL. The one he always thought about or the type he has always been attracted to since he was a teenager. <P>I say grow up. Your not a teenager anymore and you made a promise and a commitment to your wife and children. This is what drives me crazy. I find the whole situation ludicrous but yet i still hold out hope because of the relationship I know we had for all those years. <P>

How old is your H? Could this be a MLC?

Lor, my H comes over to the house about 3 times a week. He has been living with OW now for about 5 weeks. He tells me he loves me and misses me. I know that if the OW had any idea of what was going on over here she would have a cow. You see she is not getting her new house like she thought and she doesn't know this yet (I know that he will not tell her) that I have stopped all D proceedings. She is getting a D from her H so she can be with my H. What a mess.<P>Today I woke up feeling so down. I wonder if it is worth all the time and love I am putting into this. I can hardly stand the thoughts that go through my mind about him and OW. I want him home with me. This AF has been going on now for 1 year. What is it going to take for him to wake up?????? At times I think I cann't wait one more minute. Then I think hold steady you can make it through this storm.<P>H was here yesterday and was telling me all about his new business he started, it's also with OW. It just breaks my heart because that should be me not her. It's all I could do to be happy with him about it. I wanted so badly to tell him what the heck do you think you are doing????? That should be me not her doing this with you. I guess they both forget that we live in a community property state and half of it is mine which is one of the reasons she did not want me to know anything about it, but he told me everything. Just like 2 months ago she did not want me to know where he was working but I found out any way. I have to know where he is because we have 2 kids. You see she doesn't have any.<P>I wish that I could call her up and tell her the truth of what is really going on. My H will not tell her the truth. From what I know there relationship is built on lies.<P>My H has the best of both worlds. He comes over here for about 16 hrs a week (M,W,F), I plan A him to death. Tell him I love, miss him, hug him, kiss him and so on. He then leaves and goes to OW and has her. What more could a man want while his loveing faithful wife sets at home and waits for him while he's out having the time of his life with no responsibilities of 2 children and a wife. I just don't understand. I know that we are not to try and understand because we will never get it.<P>Sorry this is so long I just needed to vent. I just love him so much and want him back home.<BR>

Mystic,<BR>We're in our 7th separation since aug 98, this one started jan 00. The day he walked out he said he wanted a divorce...then he wanted me back...I started divorce proceedings. But my advice on that is, if you do not want a divorce, do not go for one. Nothing is in progress right now, papers are just sitting at my lawyers. H says he wants me, wants our marriage, but he moved into a house about a month ago and seems quite set on settling in. I had a friendship with a male that turned into an EA Feb-Apr and H feels I have issues to deal with before he can move home...I don't recommend getting involved with someone like I did, it makes the situation even messier. And chances are, once you've been treated as badly as a betrayer treats their spouse, anybody seems nice...for awhile. And you don't want your spouse back merely because they are jealous, because if you give up the OP, the jealousy and that reason for reconciliation is gone.<P>Try a truly dedicated Plan A for awhile, my H says it made a difference in his wanting to come home.<P>Jannie--The same advice to you. Plan A, Plan A, Plan A, even while separated. Afterall, what is your choice? Divorce, being crabby, crying, needy or distant? Plan A works. Your H is saying he loves you. Give him reasons to continue to love you. Figure out his needs. A good book by Harley HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS, THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES & HOPE FOR THE SEPARATED both by Chapman, LIGHT HIS FIRE by Kreidman. Meet what needs you can. And be prepared not to have your needs met...it's tough, very tough. <P>I also think a good counselor is very important. Steve Harley, on this site does phone counseling. Otherwise, ask around, I've been very pleased with my Christian counselor. Be sure preserving marriage is important to the counselor. A pastor can also be a good choice or referral person. Don't confide in everyone, but do find at least one good person who will listen to you...and I couldn't have gotten this far without a prayer partner.<P>I don't know everything, and I've made some colossal mistakes, but it all happens one step at a time.<P>Lor<BR>

I am very interested in what you have to say as your experience with your H, seems like what my H is going through. He says he loves me, but he doesn't know how much he is in love with me. He says I haven't done anything wrong, in fact he knows how lucky he is to have me. But, that something is just missing. I told him, why he never mentioned it before so that we could both address his needs together. And all he could say was that he couldn't communicate his feelings to me, as he was trying to work it out by himself.<P>Well he met OW, shared his problems with her and the rest is history as they say. They have an EA going on, but has told her that he still loves me. I am so confused, he can acknowledge his love for me, tell this to her, and yet continue to see her?<P>Can you share your story with me and are back with your H? If so, what made you decide to go back? If not, what light can you share with me to prepare for a life without my man of 22 years?

Lor (Lor): Your story is starting to sound more and more like mine. I too started up AF with Ex-H for about 2 months off and on through this whole thing. My H was so mad that I did that and said he thought I would be the strong one. Well, I was not. So now I learned too that I've made mistakes. It's so hard at times to know what to do which is why I hold steady many times. I have read the book His Needs Her Needs. Our problems where that we were never together much because I worked days and he was in a band full time. Now days when he's around he has my full attention. That will change a little soon because I have to find a job and get back to work because there is always bills to pay. I plan on still spending as much time with him as possible. He has told me he needs me to be there for him and suport him. Sometimes I think he is asking for the impossible but I do my best with Gods help. I have thougt of calling Steve Harley. I have gone to 3 different counsellors but have not been able to find one who thinks like this board. <BR>

Hi Kuuipo:<BR>Well it certainly does sound like our h are similar. Here is a breakdown of my messy life<BR>1) dated 8 years, married 12, together 19<BR>2) Had what I and many others considered the ideal marriage. Eveyone admired us from afar. Did eveything together. Loved to spend time together.ETC....<BR>3) He met a woman about 2 1/2 years ago who was in a terrible marriage and she leaned on my h for support. She worked with him. Affair turned sexual almost immediately.H often referred to her as a porn star. She is extremely sexual in nature. <BR>4)Found out about affair in june of 99. H wanted to come back. ow went crazy and started to harass me. H had her arrested for her behavior<BR>5)Went thru 6 months of counseling. Thought h was comitted to making it work. <BR>6) ow gets breast implants, h find out and he starts to see her behind my back again. i find out 1/2/2000. <BR>7)He leaves end of Jan and moves in with ow and has been with her since. <BR>8) h claims to love me but not in love with me. He says his feeling for ow are to strong. It's fate that they are together.<P><BR>Now, My h had changed so much that all of his family and friends have noticed as well not just me. Once a very comitted loyal person no longer. We also have 2 kids whom he just adores and now a days he puts them 2nd to Ow. <P>Ow is 5 years older than h and she dresses like a teenager. Even her ex h has contacted me to tell me how crazy she is. <P>I am convinced my h is so addicted that I am afarid there is no helping him at this point. Not sure what it will take.<P>Hope this in someway helps you with your situation...

Missy, it seems that all of us on this post have h suffering from MLC. We cannot do anything about that. That is their deal albeit a selfish deal!<P>I am feeling unsure of what advice to give you. Part of me wants to say Plan A, but go all out. Like I said it is somewhat of a deprogramming, but it is also meeting his needs. (she is obviously giving him a lot of attention, affection, and admiration. He seems to need that right now). But I think you can only do this if it is right for you!!!! You cannot pretend to be who you are not.<P>So a big part of me wants to suggest that you learn about YOU. What makes you happy. Certainly you have given up a part of yourself in this marraige. That's what truly confuses me when people talk about the WS not being happy.<P>I feel like you missy. I think my H and I had a better than average marraige, as do most people including his family. I gave him a lot. He has always had alittle depression if you ask me. He has always seemed to blame other people, and jobs for his unhappiness. In fact, this is is 4th job change in our marraige. I accepted his reasons and moved. I accepted him for who he is. I can certainly have my own laundry list if I wanted to.<P>I really think some people seek happiness from outside rather than inside. <P>After the shock of what happened to our marraige, I got quite angry at the above realization (me accepting him and him now suddenly throwing a few of my insecurites in my face.... (I have had a fear of flying since my parents death. I think it was because I didn't want to leave my own children parentless). He told me "I didn't want to travel". I was so hurt. There are so many insecurites that he has that I treated very gently. <P>Anyway, enough of that rant.<P>Upon this realization, I took control of MY life. I began exploring things I wanted to do. I began dealing with issues of loss with my councelor and am happy to say am conquering my fears. I have left my children with my H for a few weekends and gone out of town, treating myself to dinner and doing some touring.<P>I feel sad when I do some of these things, because I had not withdrawn from my H. I loved him undeniably all these years. Yet, I am also feeling more in control of myself.<P>Whatever happens, I know I can do things, have fun, have friends. Laugh again.<BR>\<BR>There is also a part of me that wants to suggest planB. They can't really know what they are missing until it is not in easy reach. <P>It seemed to me that when the kids and I haven't been here in town, my H was extremely sad. At one point I resorted to a plan B (for a weekend) because of his being disrespectful and he hated it and complained to his mom. I relented because of the kids.<P>I do believe they have to come to their own realizations =about the op. I keep hearing really bizaar stuff from the OP's H. At first, when I calmly told my H some of these things he defended her "to the death". But lately, he seems to have been "seeing" or at least "hearing" some of the things. He knows I am telling the truth, because OP's H knows too much about what is going on with me and the kids.<P>I THINK is is "getting it" about her. She truly has her own pathology. It will be a hard realization to come to I think. Because he has been truly brainwashed into thinking she is this altruistic person. Too many people have told him she has her own agenda.<P>And after all of that who knows. I hope that the memories of what we had will begin to come back because he truly did not have any when he returned from the trip abroad with her. <P>There's more of my 2 cents, for what its worth!!!!!!!

Thanks Tootrusting. I always appreciate your two cents worth. <P>What is your relationship with your h like today? Just curious if you are feeling like me these days and whether or not you are doing plan A or Plan B at this time.<P>I rarely see my h anymore. I am getting use to it. Tonight my kids had a game and he did not show up for it. Not sure what he was doing. He might of had a game himself. He is a coach. He called the house a little while ago to say goodnight to the boys but he never asks about me. <P>I find myself getting very angry at times because everything falls in my lap. I mean everything. Housework, homework, yard work etc... While he just goes to work and goes home to ow house where I am sure she caters to his every need.<P>It is very hard to think about doing a Plan A when he just has the life and I struggle everyday. Don't get me wrong, I function much better these days and I look out for myself but at times its hard to plan anything because I need to be here for my kids. I can't count on him at all....<P>Why is it when someone hurts you so badly, they don't seem to suffer for it? And, in order to win the attention of that person back we need to be extra nice to them? Doesn;t make sense. I feel like the only true way to know if they want you back is for them to come to that realization on their own without any input from us. I mean that would sure make me feel a hell of alot better.<P>I guess as everyone says in time he will get his. I wish that time was already here.<P>I'm feeling sorry for myself I guess. I have been with him since I was 15 years old. Now at 35 I feel to old to start all over again and I also don't believe I will ever find the happiness I had with my husband. I am terrified of letting myself get close to anyone again but at the same time, I know I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. <P>Does anyone out there relate to these feelings?

missy9: <P>I find myself getting very angry at times because everything falls in my lap. I mean everything. Housework, homework, yard work etc... While he just goes to work and goes home to ow house where I am sure she caters to his every need.<P>I feel the same way about my H. He has no idea what it's like to carry the load of everything like I do. I too get very angry that he's out living it up and not seeming to have a worry in the world. If he wants to go out he can. I cann't because I have 2 little ones to take care of. I have to be there for them, he sure is not. My oldest one thinks that I'm going to leave her like her Dad did. When she told me that I cried so hard. I told her I would never leave her.<P>I can relate to the no suffering. I sure don't see him suffering. I try to keep in mind that he is not at all in his right mind. I don't really know this person at all. He is out for himself and himself only. I think that this is the hardest thing I have had to do in my life because I am not the kind of person who just lets someone treat me the way he has treated me and then turn around and be as nice as can be. <P>I also want him to get it and get it now!!!!<P>The being too old to start over. I feel the same way. We have been married for almost 9 yrs. together for 10. This is my 3rd one and I don't want to go through it again. This is his 2nd. This is the longest I have ever been with a man. He was my best friend he was my everything. I know that I will never find that in any other man.<P>We made alot of mistakes and I have made some serious changes in my life which I know have helped him. I just have to keep it up so that he can see that I have really changed and it's there for good.<P>He makes me laugh at times, like tonight the phone rings at about 7:30. He got out of the house and went to the store. She for some reason didn't go. I hear his voice all cheerful and happy. He said he just wanted to call and say Hi. Then out of the blue he says "I Love You". That is the 1st time in a long time that he said it first. Everytime I see or talk tell him that I love him. I hope and pray that he will come around soon!!!!! The pain at times is so great. I know that for the past 3 nights I've cried so hard. It gets really lonely. I have so many needs that are not being met which scares me to no end.<BR>

Jannie,<P>He snuck out of the house and called you to say he loves you???? This may just be the beginning of what you have waited for. Your good work is making a difference. Hang in there.

Ditto to Az Allison- "He snuck out of the house and called and said he loved you?" Oh, honey, that is good news! Keep smiling! Be brave, I'm happy for you. Baby steps, remember. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Missy, I do not know what I am doing right now. When he first left he was so grandiose, and very condescending. He also couldn't talk to me. I had become the enemy.<P>But you know I really had never heard him say to much about OP to me. I heard it all through OP's H. I have actually heard everything from OP's H and rumors. My H has not said to much. (which is like him)<P>He did defend her very early on. It was like the two of them were on some mission. It kind of makes me want to throw up now!!!!<P>I was soooooooooo thrown off guard at first. It was hard for me to think straight. I deflected much of what he did say by not allowing myself to get drawn into an argument, but I did internalize a lot and feel real bad about myself.<P>Now, when I think of how disrespectfully SHE treated me I get so angry. One day, after their trip and before I had truly admitted what was going on I walked into his office and there she was sitting in front of his desk, leaning over talking intimately. He had that "possessed" look in his eyes. She sat there, like "the queen" for 10 minutes while I, his wife (he hadn't left yet), stood there waiting for her to leave. It makes me sooooooooooooomad!!!!<P>Anyway, he wasn't being too nic to me or talking to me. If I tried to plan A, he pretty much blew me off.<P>Well, the first time my H got VERBALLY disrespectful to me I did I guess what was a 180 and did plan B!!!! I think I just got tough. I decided I was not going to toleraate certain behavior. And you know what.......he softened very much after that. (I did relent thanks to the kids and his mom)... Plan A worked much better after that. I was just myself....really....But as weeks went on and I started to see him "coming down" I began to do a little more, such as e-mails and when I found neat gifts I knew he would like I would get them for him....<P>I did that before too, but he doesn't seem to remember that yet!!!!!<P>He started accepting. I am still doing plan A, but I have to tell you, I am doing things for myself. I have even started looking at areas for me to live. I know it would kill my kids, but this is a very small town, and what I do for work would put me in their faces. <P>Although, as I get stronger, maybe I could do it anyway. I would say that 99% of people around here are upset with what is happening, or at least what they perceive is happening. But these same people see her as a manipulating loony.<P>So I do not know quite what I am doing. I'm being me. We went out to dinner last week and we had a great time. I sat there thinking, "what was so wrong with our relationship" . We talked and smiled and he said some nice things to me. I can tell the connection is not quite there yet with us, and he and the kids. <P>He still works with her but I sense that he is getting IT, regarding her pathology. I'm sure a pull is still there also, but I am hopeful. <P>We have talked about going to a counselor together. He has said to me that the problem is in him!!!!! (I knew that already!)<P>I would like to go to counseling with him, but I told him I may be unwilling until she is out of the picture. I'm not sure we will get anywhere. But as time goes on and the "possession" fades, maybe we can talk.<P>He is a true conflict avoider. I think it is very hard for him to discuss anything right now without the help of a counselor.<P>So where am I??? I am sad, and lonely, and I feel like you, doing it all, having all the responsibility!!!! <P>I feel sad at some point each day, usually when I remember what I thought we had. I am not looking forward to mother's day. He always made it so special. Last year he made a great photo album of us including pix of the kids when they were little.