Hi Tootrusting, I am having a very sad day today for no apparent reason. I just came home from work and immediately started to clean the house. I made the kids help and they are not to thrilled with me. <P>I just put the mop down and started to cry and then came up here to sign on to marriage builders for some comfort. <P>Why can't I feel any better? It seems when I have people to talk to I feel much better but when I am alone the sadness really takes over. <P>Our stories are so similiar in the fact that the Ow is a loney and everyone around seems to notice that but our h. I honestly haven't found one person who has anything nice to say about this OW. We live in a mid size town but My h is very well know so this story spread like wildflower. We literally are the talk of the town. That is another reason why I think my h will stop at nothing to prove to EVERYONE what he did was out of true love. <P>What I don't get, is last June when we started counseling together, he seemed to be real gung ho for about the first month that we attended. He treated me like gold and I could always count on a card a week telling me how great I am and how he does not deseve me. He also went on to say how much he loves me. I think after the 2-3 month, he must have ran into the OW and then things started to go downhill after that. That is when I felt he was just going thru the motions to make everyone happy. I am convinced that the only way to heal from that intense of an addiction is to move to a different state and have absolutley no contact.<P>So, why can't he see that as far back as 8 months ago he was so in love with me and he was convinced he made a mistake. Isn't even the knowledge of some love present worth you giving everything to your marriage?????<P>I am just so sad and so confused. I wish I was doing as well as you are. I do try to get on with my life and overall I think I am putting on a good face for the outside world but inside I feel like I am slowly dying.<P>I really love to read your responses because It gives me a glimmer of hope. I do hear alot of hope in yours. I will pray for you!!!

Missy, I am glad you read hope in my messages. But I want you to know that the hope I mostly feel is for myself. Even though I am devastated and sad. I tell myself every day that this is about him, this is his problem, I cannot MAKE him change.,<P>It is a very hard thing to tell yourself everyday. I know. It is especially hard when you have kids.<P>I just know that this man is not the H I have been with for 13 years. He will still tell me he is the same. But he is not. <P>Like I said, it is truly like brain washing or mind control. <P>I have no idea how she has this much control over my H. It is like he wants to be led like a sheep by this domineering woman.<P>All I know is I am trying to take care of me and the kids. When I feel really down I can always think of situations that are harder. I think of Mental and the difficulty she has with her H's verbal abuse, and Nellie who's H seems to get angrier at her AND the kids every day. I know I am luckier than some people because I do not have to many $$$ worries. <P>So far I have avoided any STD"s, So, you see, I think I try to remember all of us who are going through this.<P>I hate to think this way, because it does get old, but I try to look for some lesson's here. I am just trying to grow. To HOPE that my soul does not die in the process.<P>I think of you daily. Keep posting. We will get through this somehow!!!!!