Hi ,<BR>Steve says Plan B,But I am scared it will backfire.Seems like it is the last resort ,and it scares me that I am running out of options.I will miss Dave immensely,at least now he is emailing me.Plus that letter to OW will be a LB because she will see there are 2 OW's.I dont want H to be mad at me.(same letter is sent to OW)bethn

Have you sent the letter?<P>Why to both H and OW? --HBC

The beauty of it is Plan B <B>cannot</B> backfire!<P>Plan B will keep you from losing any love you have left for your h due to the pain he is putting you through. If after a time (a 12-18 months) he does not decide to return, then you will not love him any longer & can proceed to divorce with much less emotional trauma.<P>Is sending the letter to ow a love buster? Perhaps, but it is the truth about what you want from your marriage.<P>It’ll be difficult for the first few months, but it does get better whether you believe it or not.<P>Hurt But Coping,<P>It’s in Surviving An Affair. It’s the same letter as to your spouse, but you add that you are willing to wait for them (for a time).<BR>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A><p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited May 02, 2000).]

Now wait a minute....this is a new one for me......<P>Why the heck would you send a plan B letter to OW? Chris, please explain this one!!!!!<P>Bethn - Why did Steve tell you to go to Plan B EXACTLY?<P><BR>

Hi Sheba,<P>I can hardly remember my name right now.But I think I told Steve that in so many words that my love bank for H is gettting low.bethn<P>ps I also feel pretty hopeless about marriage,feel like H is heading for divorce.I could stand on my head,stand in front of a car.I dont think it would changr the direction he is going.I am also tired of extreme emtional pain I have been in.I have spent the last few months with a constant pain.Since he left notas painful,but greiving <BR>for my loss.<BR>

HCB,<P>Havent sent letter yet,Just last week I held him,hugged him,told him I loved him and he said he loved me back.This week he makes no effort to contact me.He is pushing for separate bank accounts,he will talk about kids.He is brief and sterile.bethn

Sheba,<BR>Steve did mention that men were able to compartmentalize better.They can let what s <BR>does roll off back betterthan women

Ah.... Beth...<P>My first reply after coming back from vacation...<P>Chris is right!<P>And more importantly...<BR>...we <B>will</B> be here to help you through it...<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> is hard.<P>It does feel like a risk... a big risk!<BR>But there is a "growth" reward at the end of it...<BR>...regardless if you think it is failure or not!<P>And the eventual choice of staying with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> or moving to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> is yours (Steve just recommends)...<BR>...we will help you throught those hard days.<P>I think you <B>can</B> do it! <P>I've given much thought to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> myself... and I know it could be an alternative for me even <B>right now</B>...<BR>...and the support I'd get here would carry me through it!!!<BR>(Although... I stick to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... at least until the divorce)<P>Beth...<BR><B>We are here for you</B>...<BR>Whether you want to stay with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> or move to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>...<BR><B>honest</B> <P>Jim

Okay, don't laugh at me. I got the following out of a science fiction book and it's helped me when I've been afraid:<P><BR>I will not be afraid.<BR>Fear is the mind killer.<BR>Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.<BR>I will face my fear.<BR>I will allow it to pass around me and through me. And when it is gone I will turn my inner eye to see its path.<BR>Where fear has gone there will be nothing.<BR>Only I will remain.<BR> --Frank Herbert<BR> "Litany Against Fear," Dune.<P>Okay, now that you've gotten a chuckle out of me living my life by a science fiction novel and said the litany against fear anyway, what does the You who remains want to do?<P>Good luck! --HBC<BR>