<BR>Hi K -<P>First, I want to thank you for getting so active around here again - we really need some knowledge and positive reinforcement with all the new situations. <P>So....THANK YOU, kind sir!!!<P>My question is about this Plan B letter that is sent to the OP. I have been here just about a year now and have never seen this referenced before.....course most of the time I have brain coma when it comes to memory, but this is something that I would definitely have found unusual.<P>Could you tell me why a letter is sent to an OP.....this makes no sense to me. <P>I know about the "No Contact" letter to an OP.....but not this.<P>Thanks if you would be so kind - I am really thrown for a loop with this new aspect.<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<P>PS - BTW, how about an update on you and yours!!!!!

Sheba:<P>I think that a copy of the Plan B letter is sent to the OP to let them know that you're NOT quitting on the marriage. My take on it is that it's basically sticking a needle in their eye. They get irritated, discuss it with your spouse: hey, potential lovebusting in fantasyland...<P>I never did this. My letters were directly to my wife. I didn't have any contact with the OM at all (with a minor exception).<P>An update on my situation: we're doing very well, overall. The marriage rebuilding is progressing nicely, although we're not doing any counseling together (not my choice ). In fact, we stopped joint counseling with Steve nearly a year ago---just when there was "work" to be done. I had a "check-up" with him a couple months ago concerning our being stuck in the "no sex" area, and he had some helpful advice concerning that.<P>In the overall scheme of following the Four Rules, we're doing the following:<P>Protection: 9 out of 10 (pre-affair we were at 1)<P>Care: 8 for me, 5 for my wife; both significantly better than before.<P>Honesty: 9's for both. Great.<P>Time: 5's for both of us. Up from 2.<P>If you take that scorecard, the main issue is following the "Rule of Time". It's really easy to say that you don't have the "time" to do stuff together: with three kids, dogs, acres to tend to, work---it's a great excuse. What I have noticed is that when we do stuff together (just the two of us)---we do see VERY positive results. We did dinner and a movie (Return to Me---great!!!) a couple weeks ago, and had a very nice time.<P>Kids are all doing great. Noah is an absolute, complete total joy to me. He's running around now (16 months), and when I come home, no matter where he is, he finds me and gives me a huge smile and hugs my legs and won't let go. He's dad's pal---that's for sure!

Thanks for the explanation K..and also for the update!!<P>So, the letter is not something that has to be done then, right?<P>It is not something that I would want to do.......besides the fact that noone else enters into this for me but me and H - I would have to go to a copy center to send them to the OW(s) plus the laydies!!!!! LOL!!!<P>I am so glad to hear of all the progress with your report cards!!! Congrats!!!!<P>You are so right about it being time that is so important and so easy to make excuses about. Sometimes you just have to say to yourself - a relationship is more important!!! <P>This is something that really needs attentions with the fast-paced world we live in!!!<P>You are a doting dad.....and loving every minute of it too!! I can just see the big grin as you typed about Noah!!! How far did your chest stick out for that? LOL!!!!<P>Big Hugs,<P>Sheba

<B>K</B>...<P>(My MB mentor... and Dr. of LB)<P>It's good to hear more of your story and the updates too!<P>I can just imagine the wonder in Noah's eyes when you walk through the door...<P>...I remember that same experience with my stepson... 12 years ago... <P>Jim

Hi Sheba,<P> I counseled with Steve and I was told to send the Plan B letter.to the Ow...which I did. <P>I sent her the exact copy as my H's.....it was in black and white that I loved him and that I was open to reconciliation (in case she had any doubts).<P> Steve told me it would "put pressure" on the relationship which I think it did. Oh, on the top of the letter, I said "OW, here is the letter I sent to H, I love my H very much and the kids and I want him back....I will wait for a long time..".....She hated it!!!....it was an intrusion into the just him and her little fantasy!......LU

Thanks Lu -<P>I was so surprised when I heard about it - I wonder why I have never seen mention of it before? <P>I couldn't do it though, there were too many and the one OW - I don't know enough solid facts about to confront so blatently. Not for my own mind, anyway.<P>It's all irrelevent for my case right now, I am a Plan A'er through and through!!!! UGH!!!<P>Thanks again for helping me to understand.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<P>PS - Hi NSR!!!!!