(note: the follow-up closure post is at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002758.html" TARGET=_blank>Joy and a big sigh of relief...</A><BR>---------------------------------------------<P>We get so many chances to test our resolve.<P>Stories like the one that follows help all who read and respond to these posts.<P>Background...<BR>I'm in a long distance <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> (limited contact) where my W moved out to live with OM about 9 months ago...<BR>...with a pending divorce(initiated by W) trial in June.<P>Ok... here is my new challenge...<P>This coming Saturday will be my daughter's First Holy Communion...<BR>...you probably know where this is heading don't you?!... oh well...<P>We (kids and me) went to a service last night and after the service I approached the priest to discuss seating arrangements since my W was going to bring the OM...<P>well...<P>this did not go over well at all...<BR>The priest (who really respects me... knows me and my situation very personally... and sincerely loves me) would only say that... if my W showed up <B>with the OM</B> that he(the priest) would publically chastise her(and the OM) in front of the entire congregation. He(priest) was upset (about my W bringing this OM into our church during this the most important sacrament)... he was vehement... he was unchanging... he was angry...<BR>...and wouldn't discuss anything more about it with me.<BR>{I guess he was showing the <B>he</B> could bring <I>morals</I> into his realm/world... unlike the courts}<P>I discussed this situation with the Director of Religious Education(DRE)... and she too tried to discuss it with him(priest) and was rebuked as well... DRE told me that W's continued adultery (with a man still married himself)... would be flaunted during a very special sacramental time/service... and was more than unacceptable.<P>Each priest does have the right to administer any service as he chooses and very little can be done to be in direct conflict with his wishes...<BR>...especially at such late notice.<P>The priest made it clear to the DRE the sacrilege of having the OM sit with W and our daughter during this service... and that it would clearly bring shame, embarassment and scandal on her(W)... hurting my W's family... and leading to an embarassing situation for all families...<BR>...you see...<BR>...<B>my W <I>was</I> the religious education</B>(CCD) <B>teacher for <I>this</I> entire class of children two years ago!!!</B><BR>...and <B>all</B> the families know under what circumstances W left her family under. <BR>(it is a very small parish)<P>So again...<BR>...I'm in between a rock and a hard place... <P>My Plan A instincts say...<BR>...protect everyone... protect...<BR>...<B>my W</B> from embarassment/shame...<BR>...<B>daughter</B> from being caught in the middle...<BR>...<B>W's family</B> from disgrace...<BR>...<B>others</B> from opportunities to further spread scandal...<BR>...<B>W's previous students</B> from confusion of the situation...<BR>...even the <B>OM</B> from embarassment...<P>...so...<BR>I called her... to ask her in the kindest... gentlest... way I could... (being as honest as possible in the probable actions of our priest)... to reconsider her decision to bring the OM.<P>...and of course...<BR>... the F... ..U's came flying and flowing again...<BR>... and for the n'th time (yes I've truly lost count)... hung up on me again.<P>So that she wouldn't miss the complete message... I sent her an e-mail (of course it will always be viewed by her as a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A>)... since only I can send her these messages. The DRE asked if she could call my W...<BR>...but I'll have to wait for my W to respond to that request... My W told me never to give out her telephone number to anyone.<P>.......................................<P>So...<BR>...I guess this is what Steve H. meant when he said... <B>others</B> will have to send messages to my W during my long distance <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>.<P>I'll keep you updated about what happens...<P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited May 08, 2000).]

Wow Jim, this is truly something. What happened to her???? (I know this is a rhetorical ? since I wonder the same thing about my H!)<P>She was really the CCD teacher. I cannot believe she would bring the OM to First Holy Communion. How can she possibly NOT see the ramifications of this???? <P>You mentioned her family. How have they been reacting to this situation? <P>You have such tremedous patience. I know for me I would not allow my H to bring OP to any event re: the kids. But especially first Holy Communion.<P>I am in agreement with the priest. He obviously had a relationship with her as well since she was the CCD instructor, To me, this is alittle "rubbing your face in it". But more importantly your daughter's. How has your daughter responded??? <P>I wonder if you could approach it via your daughter. Your wife MUST acknowledge how traumatic this would be to your daughter.<P>Again, I say you are a wonderfully patient man. I have drawn a thick line in the sand with my H. <P>I have tried to do so as respectfully as I can, and have acknowledged to him that I am not trying to control him, but due to the kids I will not accept certain behavior without us being divorced. <P>I don't know a lot about what is going on in my H's head, but I do see him understanding about the kids. I know my H is feeling guilt. (we are Catholic too)<P>Anyway, I just wanted to respond to you because I still wake up in the AM wondering what has happened to our spouses!!!! How they became different people.....I wonder, yet know I am not in control....<P>take care!

Wow, Jim - welcome back!!! <P>You handled it beautifully, as usual. It's not your call. Her anger, as usual, has more to do with HER and her feelings than you, but you already know that.<P>Glad to see you back. Good luck on this one, my friend.<P>Lori

Ditto with what Lori said. You handled it diplomatically and sensitively, and although your actions may currently be construed as lovebusters, the only way you wouldn't be able to lovebust is to drop off the planet.<P>I'm not sure if you realize this, but the weekend of my oldest's First Communion was the weekend I moved back home from Plan B. As I was packing up from my apartment and getting the stuff in the car, a huge thunderstorm was just ending, and there was the most brilliant rainbow in the sky.<P>Wishing a rainbow for you. (And a thunderbolt for the OM). <P>And although my wife loved the name "Noah" for several reasons, this holds a very special and dear significance to me. God's real, tangible gift of love in my life...<P>

Just a question,trying to get ahold of this plan A stuff, not meant to be critical of Jim. What would be against plan A to let her come and face reality of what they are doing? That way the preist would have been the one to LB and educate, not Jim. See, I'm just not as thoughtful as Jim. But isn't part of the idea to shock them out of the fantasy world?<BR>Lora

Have you ever read Frank Peretti's "This present darkness?" <P>Sounds real fitting at this very moment.

Hey Jim,<BR>I don't know that there is any way for you to control the outcome at first communion. You have warned her, tried to get the priest to be lenient... plain and simple what others decide to do is completely out of your realm of influence. <P>I think she's going to have to reap what she sows. She might attribute this to you. You can't control that either. Somewhere down the line though she will wake up out of the fog, and realize she did this to herself.<P>Hugs and strength to handle this... <BR>Try to enjoy this wonderous rite of passage for your daughter. What will be will be.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jim}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I just don't get her. I really don't. Support and prayers for you as always. <P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Hi Jim,<BR> I don't think I've ever responded to one of your posts before,but suffice it to say, I have always admired your resolve in your struggle. I find myself compelled to say something at this time.What about your daughter,on this,one of the most special occassions in her lifetime? Cannot the priest see what his actions would do to HER?<BR>Can he not have some compassion for this innocent child and let HER day be the special day that it should be for her! IMHO I think he(the priest) has lost focus.This day is about the child.Nothing should occur to ruin it for her or cause her ANY embarassment.<P>I totally agree that what the priest plans to do is justifiable and that your wife deserves what he has planned. BUT NOT ON THIS DAY!Any way you can lock wife and OM out of the church? <BR><p>[This message has been edited by mthrrhbard (edited May 04, 2000).]

Dear NSR,<BR>I'm a newcomer, but full of opinions ("I'm talking and I can't shut up.") <BR>1) Hooray for a priest who has moral conviction to speak up against an outrage. There are too few people anymore willing to express an opinion other than "Who am I to judge?" I'm impressed at his courage.<P>2) Sorry about your wife's temporary insanity. Seriously. <P>3) The concern expressed by another poster here (sorry, didn't catch your name) may be valid, but it's also probable and possible that if your STBX and her Internet Honey do have the guts to show up together, the sermon or the blasting could go right over the children's heads. <P>Also, What child do you know who can tell you what the homily was about after the service? They are all paying attention to their friends, the new clothes, picking up their dropped prayer books and rosaries, checking out who got away with wearing a vest instead of a suit jacket, sending hand signals to their buddies, and trying to get away with inflicting indignities on the kid in the pew in front of them without getting caught. (We did this two years ago.) <P>The reason people do shameless things is that they can get away with them without public censure. Their actions are explained away with psycho-babble terms ("sexual addiction, child of alcoholic parents", etc.) We all try not to hurt anybody's feelings (i.e. spouses who abandon their families) in the interest of keeping things smooth, and not being called to account for our own failings. (The sound of my own rather fine collection of closet skeletons is distracting me. I've outgrown them but they hang around, waiting for the most inopportune time to rattle and clank. For sale, cheap!)<P>5) A family in our church had the same situation, except not quite so extreme. The divorced H insisted on attending with his girlfriend (though their relationship didn't have the treachery as your STBX and her new guy) but it wasn't a married couple, just a dating ex-H and GF. The ex-H wanted a separate pew for him and GF and the ex-W didn't want them to all sit together either, and this was a sacred ceremony. Everybody was uncomfortable. <P>I hope your STBX comes to her senses and doesn't insist on bringing the new guy with her. You sound like a real good guy, I'm sure you'll be a gentleman through all this.<P> <P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Jim<P>Got to go ,but I am with you as a support person.Dont have time to write,but I am reading.BETHN

Jim,<P>This is really too much. You have done all you can do. You took the high road. Your patience and grace are to be marveled at.<P>But I think you are skating dangersouly close to the line of becoming an enabler. Yes, you want to protect all concerned, but you can't protect your W from the natural consequences of her actions. It is a tragedy that your D is getting caught in the crossfire - but just one more startling indication of the price your W is willing to pay for her happiness.<P>Still, you won't be doing yourself or your W a favor if you cushion the blows or throw yourself in front of her and take the blows yourself. <P>Sometimes the degree to which implementing this MB stuff requires near self-annihilation scares me. We can get <B>too</B> good at it and start denigrating our own humanity in the process.<P>On the lighter side , this is about as juicy a soap-opera plot as we see around here, so keep us informed. <P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23

<B>Oh, Jim... what is there to say...?</B><P>Yes, the priest is right. No, the priest is wrong.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>JIM: <B>My Plan A instincts say...<BR>...protect everyone... protect...<BR>...my W from embarassment/shame...<BR>...daughter from being caught in the middle...<BR>...W's family from disgrace...<BR>...others from opportunities to further spread scandal...<BR>...W's previous students from confusion of the situation...<BR>...even the OM from embarassment...</B><BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>BELLE: <B> Hooray for a priest who has moral conviction to speak up against an outrage. There are too few people anymore willing to express an opinion other than "Who am I to judge?" I'm impressed at his courage.</B><BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You are doing great at trying to protect <B>YOUR DAUGHTER</B> from being caught in between all these. I do remember my First Communion day and the party afterwards. Do the adults remember? I don’t know and I don’t care, it was a happy day. Your daughter will have memories of this day, so my suggestion is to talk with her, she’ll see you doing your best. <P>Also have somebody talk with your W insisting that it is about the girl, not about you or her or the OM. Maybe a compromise can be reached: that the OM waits outside the church and joins in the party (somewhere else- AFTER the ceremony).<P>IN ADDITION, <B>talk again with the priest</B>. Does he have moral convictions or is he too proud or blind? Can’t he have a strong talk with your wife and go on with the ceremony without humiliating the little girl? His standing up may end up hurting the child. Again: it’s not about him. If he doesn’t agree <B>CHANGE THE PRIEST</B> (assuming your W & the OM don’t compromise).<P>About protecting:<BR><B>... your W...</B> It’s not about her! <BR><B>... her family from disgrace...</B> <BR><B>... others...</B> <BR><B>... the OM...</B> Forget about this one!!!! <BR><B>...previous students...</B> If the W/OM and the priest compromise these will be protected too- don’t worry about them. <P>You are doing the right thing As long as you act according to your convictions you are OK.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>

Jim, <P>I'm not Catholic, and I certainly don't pretend to know the Catholic ways. However, I am Christain and if your communion is anything like ours you need to leave it in the Lords hands. Prior to anyone taking communion, our pastor instructs those in attendance about the seriousness of participating in communion. <P>Your wife is obviously in confict with the Lord's direction concerning marriage. She has given satan a foothold in her life and her heart has been hardened. I think at this point, God is the only one that can soften it again. If she is saved, keep in mind the Holy Spirit is in her and He is trying to perform His work in her life. That may be taking her to a pretty low point (read Hosea). <P>I don't agree with the Priest performing a public embarrassment of your wife before the congregation. I would think his approach should be to condem the sin, NOT the sinner. We all fall short of God's glory; even the Priest. Publically chastising her would drive her further away from the church and any hope of reconciliation with you and the Lord. <P>I really don't understand what your Priest is thinking. Everyday sinners walk into churchs looking for answers and hope in resolving sin that has gripped their lives. If each one was publically denounce for what they were doing, we would have empty chuches and not much hope. You know what I mean of course. I hope he doesn't follow through with that. <P>Perhaps if your wife simply saw you and your kids humbly presenting themselves before the Lord, the Lord would use that to plant a seed in her hard heart. <P>Best wishes to you Jim.<P>SHA

Put your focus on the Lord, your daughter's communion. <P>Don't intervene any more, or try to protect your wife. Your job right now is to support your daughters' most important decision in her life - her commitment to the Lord.<P>Lord, Heavenly Father, you know the heart of Jim, and I ask you Father, in the Name of Jesus to let this event of this child to be a blessed event - a happy event, demonstrating your forgivenessand hope, through the Blood of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I know Father that you will be present during this sacrament, and I know that your grace is sufficient. I ask you to bless this child, restore this marriage, and let your servants be led by your Spirit. In Jesus Name. Amen

Jim,<BR>I think you have done everything you could. Now the next step maybe to warn her family if you are still on speaking terms (can't remember) and then talk to your daughter. I am not sure how old she as first communion is give at different ages, but being your child and you her father I think you can explain to her what will hapen and why. You can not doing anything else. <P> Her mother has made her decisions and this is letting reality come in. How it affect everyone around her and also tellw her what other people think of her. Again they are in such a fantasy land that they are insulated from the outside world, this will tear away the cotton fluff.<P>You, your daughter, your other children, and even her family have done nothing to be ashamed of. You and your children can handle this because you have each other and God<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><P>------------------<BR>di<P>

HI JIM,<BR> BOY! This is a beauty!!! Although I feel the priest is right and wish that the "world" would take this stand like the OLD days..... I have to agree with SHA..<BR>"I don't agree with the Priest performing a public embarrassment of your wife before the congregation. I would think his approach should be to condemn the sin, NOT the sinner. We all fall short of God's glory; even the Priest. Publicly chastising her would drive her further away from the church and any hope of reconciliation with you and the Lord"<P> If OM is NOT a believer this "PUBLIC" embarrassment of your W will only give him a stronger foothold. Her heart is hard. The way to soften it is with LOVE and at least the HOPE of forgiveness WHEN she comes to her senses. THIS WILL MAKE RECOVERY ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE from so many angles.<BR> HOW did everyone find out (the priest included?) WIFE'S point of view YOU<BR>How did the REST of the "small town" find out ?? W's POV YOU <P> Therefore, YOU are the one to blame in your W's eyes for this and it could make ANY hope for your marriage impossible. TO MANY PEOPLE TO ANSWER TO WHEN SHE COMES BACK!! She would NEVER walk into THAT church again that's for sure. And may NEVER into any other.<BR> IMHO this is NOT the way to BREAK the spell. It's cruel and medieval. <BR> I would tell the priest that I appreciate the love and support but if he insisted on this I would pull my Daughter from the ceremony and ask for a private one. It would be CRUEL to have her go through that public humiliation and would scar her for life.... My two cents.. God bless you and I'll pray HARD about this..... FRANK

Oh dear Jim,<P>You just can't have it easy, can you?<P>You have gotten some great advice here, and I will add my pennies worth.<P>I have to agree w/ SHA and Frank. Your preists' stance on this, although admirable, will only come back to hit you, IMO.<P>It is obvious that your W will show up, come hell or high water, so I would do my best to make it as comfortable, especially for your daughter, as possible.<P>I would speak to your preist, and explaing your reservations on his chastising W/OM. Like it or not, your W has a right to be there, with whomever she choses to bring.<P>I'm also curious, how is her family handling this behavior of hers? Has she remained close to them?<P>Lastly, God never gives us more than we can handle, Jim. Let Him guide you. Let Him speak to you. He will never lead you astray. You never know, your W being in church, filled with love, may just be what she needs. <P>Prayers to you. You can handle it; you always do!<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

<B>everyone</B>...<BR>Brief update...<P>We had the final Holy Communion practice today...<P>...my W called the priest and left a message expecting a call later (Thursday) evening...<BR>...no mention by her of what is to be discussed...<P>The priest was still very upset...<BR>...calling her proposed action to bring in the OM a "<B>brazen</B> indignation"...<P>The DRE spoke one more time to the priest...<BR>...asking him not to ruin the day for the children...<BR>...and he said... to me... he is not sure he can "control his emotions" on this... especially since W was at one time the class' CCD teacher... and the example she is setting is so "<B>blatantly</B> outrageous" to the children and all the other adults... especially for those who <B>knew</B> her.<P><BR><B>tootrusting</B>...<BR>W's family is upset... to say the least...<BR>Her brother and oldest sister will not come since the OM will be there and their emotions are running too high... They feel that the affair with OM is why my W has abandoned not only her own kids... but also her entire family!<BR>1 visit and 2 phone calls to her mother in the 9 months she's been gone.<BR>1 phone call to each sister in the 9 months (no visits).<BR>They do love me and treat me equally as one of their siblings. <P>We are having a private party after the communal refreshments after the service... and her mom and younger sister's family will come. My whole family will be there.<P><B>Lori</B>...<BR>I know "(it)... has more to do with HER... and her feelings than (me)..."<P><B>K</B>...<BR>You are so right about "drop(ping) off the planet"...<BR>I've always thought that she considers that I love bust... whenever... I breathe... <P>I thank you for your "rainbow" wish...<BR>...BTW... in her last year teaching the current Communion class... she got from my daughter (as a year-end teacher gift) a miniature "Noah's Ark"...<P>I am so glad to hear you say "God's real, tangible gift of love in my life..." Children will always be just such gifts... to be protected in His eyes.<P><B>Lora</B><BR>No... it wouldn't have been "...against plan A to let her come and face reality of what they are doing?..."<BR>...it was my choice to give W the option to not bring the OM...<BR>...what the priest does/doesn't do is now out of my hands...<P><B>beth28</B>...<BR>No... I have you ever read Frank Peretti's "This present darkness?"...<BR>... what is it about?<BR> <BR>...I know... I have little control...<BR>...realizing this and putting it at the foot of the One who can affect... it is best for me now.<P>Thanks for the hugs and strength...<P><B>jamie-lee</B>...<BR>Thanks... for the hugs and prayers.<BR>I hope you're better today too!<P><B>mthrrhbard</B>...<BR>Yes... I do remember at least one reply from you...<BR>I admire all who give me any input...<BR>...and take no exception to anything said.<BR>The priest has been told by the DRE that this time may not be the best... mostly in consideration of the other children...<BR>...as far as my daughter's understanding... her mom already told her and the 2 boys as well (2 weeks after D-Day)... and I quote "...mommy <B>is</B> committing adultery and it <B>is</B> a sin... but sometimes we just have to do things to make us happy... and then I will be a happier mom for you(kids)"...<BR>I cringe when I tell people this... some don't believe me... but it <B>is</B> what she told them. <P>As I said before... we had a practice today...<BR>The priest is old-fashioned... very old-fashioned...<BR>He knows(knew) my W very well and firmly believes that Satan (through the influence of the OM) has taken hold... and by her bringing the OM into the church during these services... it is as if one condones Satan's presence when the Holy Eucharist is being first introduced to these little children...<BR>Even our Lord... was angered with the money-changers... in His Father's temple...<BR>...I guess he feels justified in the same way...<BR>...compassion yielding to the outrage of the circumstances.<P>"Any way you can lock wife and OM out of the church?"... boy do I wish I could! <P><B>Belle</B>...<BR>You may not be familiar with my situation...<BR>...but all dealings with the court systems have shown the vast emptiness of morals there...<BR>...where else do I turn!<P>Your point #3 is interesting...<BR>The priest speaks with a <B>very</B> strong accent...<BR>...so strong in fact most people who visit the church and are not used to his pronunciations... and say they understand hardly a word...<BR>...unfortunately a comment expressed by many of the smaller children too...<P>It is true... that with such a small parish... and the closeness of how everyone knew everyone else... that with her being such a fervent CCD teacher...<BR>...the sudden flip in faith values seem to make the situation much more extreme.<P><B>beth</B>...<BR>So much in turmoil yourself...<BR>I'm praying for you <P><B>2sad4words</B>...<BR>...yes... "enabler" has crossed the replies to my posts several times...<BR>...I take no offense by it.<P>I know there are <B>natural consequences</B> of her actions...<BR>...but my concern has been with my children first and foremost!<P>They'll be OK.<BR>... and in this case there is no really cushioning I can do...<BR>... it is up to powers greater than to have consequences lie where they may.<P>yep... a soap-opera plot is what it is...<BR>surrealistic as it is...<P><B>Alex</B>...<BR>"Yes, the priest is right. No, the priest is wrong."<BR>...that says it all...<P>My daughter <B>will</B> have memories... good memories... of this day!<P>There is <B>no one</B> my W will speak to (although she is supposed to call the priest Thursday night)<BR>"Negotiation"... it has never happened since she moved out. <P>"Changing the priest"... is just not an option.<BR>Does he have morals... I'd have to say... yes... he does.<P><B>Sir Hurts Alot</B><BR>Catholic ways would find W's "participating in communion" (receiving the Sacrament)... sacrilegious.<BR>Unquestionably!<P>The question of "If she is (to be) saved..." can be measured only from up above... based on her repentance...<BR>... and that will/can <B>never</B> be <B>my</B> call.<P>I see you too acknowledge to the concept of...<BR><B>"Love the sinner, but hate the sin"</B>...<BR>A very, very hard concept to accept... and live by...<P>Admonishing the sinner... to bring about repentance by the sinner... <B>of the sin</B>...<BR>...is however, one of our Catholic precepts...<BR>...to what extent and in whose presence is this judgment is to be made... I don't know?<BR>Was the Lord's anger in the temple against the money-changers a valid form of admonishment?... ?<BR>Is holding up the validity of the commandments... enough to drive away all sinners?... ?<BR>...or bring the repentant back to the narrow path?...?<BR>---moral questions like these are well beyond the scope of this forum.... I think!<P><B>trustntruth</B>...<BR>The power and beauty of prayer is awesome...<BR>Thank you...<P>...let us all one day approach the Lord... as the children do!<P><B>di</B>...<BR>"(I) and (my) children can handle this because (we) have each other and God..."<BR>...so right... <P>See my response back to <B>tootrusting</B>... about W's family...<P>Oh those hugs... <P><B>Frank</B>...<BR>I do see your point of view...<BR>...it really is in God's hands now...<BR>...there is no chance to withdraw... and abandon the service...<BR>...we all will face the events that happen...<P>...who is to say where the Spirit will lead the priest's heart or words...<P>I think most of you know I have now stopped asking God for my marriage to be saved...<BR>...I can't live blind to the eventuality of the divorce...<BR>...(that's why I will be spending more time on that forum in the weeks to come)...<BR>...and it is much more healthy to instead ask... for my accepting of His will. <BR>Putting my marriage ahead of my relationship with God is counter-productive...<BR>...and would only hurt me...<BR>And NO... this is not contradictory to Plan A...<BR>...I do try to love my neighbor as myself... and my W is still my neighbor.<P>Thank you for your response... <BR>You've always been open and honest in all your replies to me...<BR>That's what friends do... isn't it! [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P><B>Cheryl</B>...<BR>You seem to know my W...<BR>...she will show up... and with the OM!<P>See my response back to <B>tootrusting</B>... about W's family...<P>"God never gives us more than we can handle..."<BR>So true dear Cheryl... so true... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>---------------------------------------------<P>Friends...<BR>...all your words I take to heart...<P>...all your words... are from a greater source...<P>...and I love you all. [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>Jim

Jim,<P>This is a situation you are truly <B>"powerless"</B>. The only thing you could do would be to cancel, however I don't think you can or will do that. I gathered your W knows the priest will admonish her. Does your D know the Priest will do this? Is there a loving way to explain to D this may happen? If your Priest has half of your faith he will do as God directs him.<P>I guess what I'm trying to say is expect him to to read her the riot act. Prepare your children for this, prpare yourself for this and get out of God's way, Remember this may be part of her <B>"tab"</B>. She is ultimately accountable for her adultry. Everyone makes very valid points, right, wrong or indifferent, the Priest will do what he feels he needs to to preserve his parish and chapel. My gut tells me God's will shall be done. You can't control things beyond your control.<P>My prayer as always are with you.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>