Today is a day I just feel like venting to those who understand.<P>Four months into Plan A, 6 months since D-day. Wife still hasn't given up the OM. One of the things we've discovered is that her primary love language is "acts of service". Mine is "physical affection" (sexual and non-sexual). During the first three months, sex with me was out because it made her feel too guilty. Then, in Febuary, she decided that maybe the best way to work through her affair and try to keep our relationship going was to re-initiate sex. I thought things were going reasonably well for both of us. I felt she was really trying to meet all of my EN's as I have been trying to meet all of hers. Our relationship seemed to be steadily improving, especially after she came to understand that sex was a primary love language for me. <P>All of a sudden, for about two weeks now, she's seemed receptive; lots of touching, flirting, etc., but she wouldn't initiate sex nor did she act like she wanted me to do more than continue my touching/flirting. When I finally asked last night if I'd done something to upset her, she said no, but that sex is out because she's started to feel too guilty again. I simply believe that she's just been seeing more of the OM lately, probably been physical with him, and this leads to most of her renewed guilt.<P>This morning I told her I'm feeling SO angry and SO hurt by her decision. It's probably better this way; I don't necessarily want sex if she's only submitting from a sense of loyalty or duty and not desire. What hurts more than anything is her taking away my primary love language and freely giving it to someone else when she fully understands how important it is to me. Perhaps some of her renewed guilt stems from knowing she's giving something important away that should belong to only me, but she can't help herself.<P>Two steps forward.... one step back. I hate this rollercoaster ride.

I think you're not getting replies because you said it was a vent. But it struck me, are you sure that is why she is feeling guilty again??<P>It sounds odd, if she is really trying to meet your ENs, is she still involved with OM? It seems not too many can even attempt both things, that most "plan As" are with spouses who are not trying.<P>It is hard, and maybe even harder for a man, but try to establish a safe emotional environment where she can feel really comfortable talking about what is going on inside. I understand your frustration, but getting angry at her decision does not get you there.<P>Why is she feeling guilty again? Maybe it is bringing back painful memories of what she did before, not a sign of more contact. Don't jump to conclusions.<P>My h never suffered much from guilt, in fact I worried he must not care to suffer so little. But all people react differently to guilt, and I think women feel it much more for the most part. (not always, don't flame me).<P>We too are six months from D day and I think we are leaving this behind. We have focused on meeting ENs and on giving to each other now, not the past.