Was wondering if other betrayed spouses out there felt as if their h/w had no concern for them.<P>My h calls the house and if I answer the phone, he just say, "hey are the kids there?". I just yell to the the kids to pick up the phone. Why is it so hard for him to say hi, how are you its me. It seems as if he just doesn't care. <P>Today has been 106 days since he left house. It feel like an eternity. I am wondering if the more time he spends with her makes it easier for him to forget the 19 years he spent with me. I was also wondering is she listens to his phone calls to us and that is why he acts as if he doesn;t even care about me. <P>He also just counts on the kids and the answering machine to give me messages. I dont think it fair for him to use them as his messengers. <P>Once again I have the huge hopeless feeling in my gut today. I just don't SEE anything positive about his behavior. <P>The only thing that i find comfort in is all the statistics on affair relationship not lasting, other peoples stories and the fact that this OW is nothing but trouble. I also find comfort in the fact that everyone that knows my h said he is going thru a very difficult period in his life but that he just does not know it yet.<P>i just feel like time is going against me. I want him to wake up now.......<P>Any advise out there today? Can anyone relate?

Mystic77...from reading your posts, it is pretty clear you are depressed and who could blame you? What are you doing to help yourself? You can't keep going day to day looking for signs that hubby is coming back or that he will be overcome with remorse and rush back. Don't waste your time wondering about whether or not the OW is listening to your calls or not. If she has nothing better to do the listen in, she must be pathetic. Be better then that. Let your H know that you have more important things to do then play a juvinile game. I know one thing most men can't tolerate is a neediness. It's hard not to act needy when you feel it, but don't let him see it. It is important for you to start taking charge of your life and doing something nice for yourself. Is there a support group in your area for divorced and separated? I know how very hard it is to climb out of the muck when you barely have the strength to get out of bed; however, you have got to think about yourself now. I know you want your H to come back, but in the meantime you can't stop living. Sometimes it seems possible that one can die from a broken heart, but you have to be strong and stop waiting for something that may or may not happen. I know one morning I woke up and I said to myself I am so tired of feeling sad and hopeless, I will not do it anymore. I have my days when the best resolve in the world doesn't help, but I do feel better. I stay clear of anything that reminds me of the past. I try to appreciate little things. Stay away from things that stir up those feelings...pictures, cards, letters, etc. <P>I truly hope you feel better. I can sense your pain right through the computer screen...do something you enjoy this afternoon and this evening. Learn to love yourself. Take care!<P>LS<BR>

Thanks Lonelysoul. I just want you to know that to the outside world everyone thinks I am doing such a wonderful job at holding it all together. I work full time and take great care of my kids. <P>I go to my counselor every other week and I did join the local seperated/divorced group in the area. I tell you when I talk to people I feel much better. Its the down time when no one is around when I get so down. <P>The hardest part of all of this for me is accepting the fact that my marriage might be over. Especially a marriage where my h says he can't explain why he did this and that he knows he loves me. How can you walk out on a marriage when you know you love your spouse??? You see, he doesn't go for help and he doesn't read any of the books or sign on to marriage builders. He has no idea of what he is up against and that his marriage is worth saving. I almost think in his mind he feels that it just to late so he is doing everything to justify what he has done. All he thinks about his the hot sexy babe that is hot after him and it has completely changed him.<P>It's hard to read all the optimistic thread here and realize that none of that is happening to me yet. Its been awhile and I see no hope. That is why I am depressed....<P>But, through all of that I do manage to do nice things for myself and my kids so thanks for the advise.