Thanks to all of you who have shared your stories. You gave me reason to hope that all does not have to be lost...<P>But now my hope has seriously suffered. I have demonstrated unconditional love and forgiveness. I have nurtured my betraying husband's needs at the expense of my own and told him all I would need to see is that he is sorry, ready to work on our problems, and that he must admit EVERYTHING to me. (I need that so that he will have less chance of doing it again, and so that he can demonstrate that HE trusts ME).<P>So anyway, for months he has told me that his affair was "nothing", just a fling and that they weren't together all that much. He told me that no one had every stayed the night with him. He said they were never in public together. She always knew he was married.<P>Well, I just called this woman and talked to her. Boy am I glad I did! she was remorseful and told me everything! She said she didn't know initially that he was married, that he lied to her about our relationship, saying that we had been separated before and we were only together while we worked out our financials. (We were still living together when this all started). He said I didn't care about what he did, that I smelled perfume on him and didn't care. (not true at all). He took her out to dinner at a place where we are so well known that the waiters know what we are going to order before we order. He was also with her in public at the beach, just miles from my house, and at other restaurants. Six months into the relationship, he did move out and she did spend the night with him there.<P>I know it's all in the past and it's just the details that are getting out, but if I can't trust him to tell me the truth about the past, can I ever trust him to be truthful about the future? Do I know that it's really about love with us or about losing his security?<P>My inclination is to run as far and fast as I can, but some of your stories of recovery are inspiring. I don't want to throw away something I believed in for so long. I also don't want to be a door mat and fool. This wavering is killing me. Is there any honesty left in the world? How am I supposed to deal with this if I can't believe a word he says?

Brick by brick. Trust can be rebuilt. It is so hard to do this when the lies are so blatant and so designed to keep the affair and OW going.<P>The lies your spouse told you are the same I heard as well. The OW told me what my spouse said to her and I was sick. He told her he loved her and that he was going to give her our Suburban, buy her a house or an apartment, maybe even a brownstone in NY, he said she could answer phones at our business...on an on.<P>It was all delusional and ridiculous and he is so embarrassed. It was all BS and designed to make him feel like a bigshot.<P>He gave her three thousand dollars of our money when she announced her pregnancy.<P>After two stints in treatment and medication for his depression, after all the damage he did and all the reparation we have been working to restore the marraige, the home, the family, the business, we are finally getting things built up again.<P>The trust issue is the toughest and takes the longest but it does happen. Brick by brick. <P>Prayers,<P>catnip =^^=