I have LBed very little since my H left 9 months ago, unless you count the fact that I have told him I am unwillingly to perjure myself and swear before a judge that reconciliation is impossible. He has become more and more angry with me. I have allowed him to see the children as much as he wishes; the kids have begged him to see more of them; in response he has cut back on visitation and taken a job 60 miles away, making it even more difficult to see them. I offered to share our debt more evenly - he angrily accused me of reneging on our agreement. Our daughter has temper tantrums at the OW's house, which the OW has apparently admitted to our daughter upset her - he has his lawyer send me a letter about it. People say that problems with children will go far toward destroying the fantasy - but instead the OW and my H are ganging up against me to try to influence how my kids are raised. She is trying harder and harder to infiltrate herself into their lives. Our 17 year old has not spoken to him in 9 months - he has said that the death of their father-daughter relationship is her fault. He has told our 19 year old that she should learn from his example and put her past behind her, should she make a mistake in marrying. <P>I strongly doubt that Harley's principles have any validity. Not LBing, Plan A, all have completely backfired. This is not a rollercoaster - the ride is entirely downhill. This "fantasy" of his does not appear to be dying - the only thing that has happened is that he seems to have convinced himself more and more that this is entirely my fault, that I am being unreasonable and he is the reasonable one. When he first left, he was willing to talk to me - now he wants everything that is not purely logistical to go through his lawyer. When he first left, he was angry but obviously feeling guilty - now he is just consumed with hatred for me. <P>I have come to the conclusion that there is something different about betrayers who are willing to desert their families for the OP - they are incapable of love and have no conscience. <P>Perhaps I should have divorced him while he was still feeling guilty.<BR> <p>[This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited December 05, 1999).]