My husband of 19 yrs wants a divorce,i dont.he says he doesnt love me any more.an now<BR>he has an internet girlfriend.he recently went to c.i am so tired of feeling like this,i cry<BR>every day.i dont want to lose him.an the internet girlfriend is sending me email bragging<BR>about how he loves her,not me.how shes going to take him.i hurt so much...how do u get<BR>over this feeling?how to i pick up what lil dignaty i have left?we also have a 17 y/o<BR>pregnant daughter living here,he wants to stay on here till she has the baby in<BR>feb.everytime i look at him,i cry thinking hes wantting to be with someone else,i cant deal<BR>with all this....hurts to much<BR>

I can truly feel your pain and I can relate totally.<P>I had much of the same feelings but I 've got to say this you have a very good oppurtunity here if you can just pull yourself together. That is #1. <P>I can't give you a receipe on how, you are just going to have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and say to yourself I am stronger than this and I am not going to let the OW get to me or win!!!!!<P>Your H is still in the house and that is good, very good for you. Stop being his W and be you!! Stop letting him see you upset, if you must be upset or unload go somewhere else and do it. Have your breakdown, get it all out and pull it bck together before you come back.<P>Read the reply I gave to ThisAlex in the Lost it Post, I think it may help you.<P>Genie

TMT,<P>I was feeling like you are. I read Genies post to Alex. I have changed my perspective. It's going to be hard as hell to do. I want my marriage back. This is what I have to do.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

I am so sorry for you. I too can feel your pain and relate to it. Even after 1 full year my pain is still as raw as it was the day I found out. I'm praying for you.....Nancy

thank u all,her post really hit home here....an yes,going to be REAL hard to do,but gonna give my best

Welcome <B>TOOO MANY TEARS!</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! You need to start considering a serious <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>.<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away! My Wife too started hr affair through the Internet (chat room)!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

I am so sorry for your pain. I can emphasize with you as there were months after the discovery that husband wasn't sure he was staying. 9 months later he seems to be here for the long haul.<P>He is home and that is good. Start plan A-ing big time. Try to put aside your pain and just make deposits in his love bank.<P>Quit reading the mail the witch is sending you. The things she is saying are meant to drive a larger wedge between you and your husband. Does he know that she is sending these to you and what they contain? She doesn't seem to be a very nice person at all. Not that what the OP does anyway is nice but, this seems to be far and beyond the call of duty so to speak.<P>He probably stills loves you and what he is feeling for her is a big cloud in the way of that love. <P>Here is a good place to be. I have gotten so much strength and help here. God was of course the largest portion of all of that but, the people here are a gift from God to me.<P>I will and many others will pray for you. This is a time to build a relationship with God. With God all things are possible. Do you have a church or clergy person you can talk to?<P>All the advise here is good. Genie29 said it well... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I can't give you a recipe on how, you are just going to have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and say to yourself I am stronger than this and I am not going to let the OW get to me or win!!!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>One last question has he ever met her in person? Have they had a physical affair yet?<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Samantha-MI (edited December 05, 1999).]

samantha,a few weeks ago he left for the weekend,saying he needed time alone to think about us....well he went to her,an they *suposidly* spent the nite talking.....an thats all he said they did,even though they were laying on the bed to do so......he still swears he did make love to her.I am hurting so much,we just had a long talk,hes a baskit case,an keeping me one.he doesnt know what he wants,where he wants to be,what he feels about anything.except he says he does not LOVE MEEEE,an is not attracted to me!!how do i live with this,an still follow the program???he needs help an wont go to a proffessional.could it be that he really doesnt love me?that its not just buried under the turmoil?I am HURTING SO MUCH!!I CANT TAKE IT!!i want to help him,but i cant!!!i feel so alone,an unworthy of love.......is there something wrong with me?

Too Many Tears-<P>I've been there, done that, heard those very same painful words and then some and I know you pain all to well.<P>Believe me when I tell you one thing, he is being as ho nest with you as he can right now at this point in his life and you have to pull yourself together and I know first hand what an unsurmountable task that seems to be.<P>#1 This OP is out of state and he does not see her that often; this is both good and bad. <P>It is a whole lot easier to keep things on good terms with the OP when there isn't so much togetherness. That makes it a longer process sometimes.<P>But I'm sure he does still love you or else he wouldn't be there at all. More than likely his main problem is his own shame in seeing you hurting and if he didn't care it would not bother him at all.<P>The best thing you can do for yourself is pull it together as hard as it is I know, and make things as comfortable as you can and avoid these talks. That was my biggest obstacle too. My biggest lovebuster, talking to much.<P>He has to have good times with you so that he will feel good being with you again. You have much more oppurtunity to make a difference than the OP does, you just have to play it smart.<P>We're all here for you<BR>Genie

Is it you, myheart_2? If so, I'm glad you made it here. I am known as Winter.2 elsewhere.<BR>((((((HUGS)))))

yes,winter,it is i,thank u very much...i needed something or someone to help me...feels like i wont make it long...hurts to much....got to relieve the pain

I know the hurt. So do almost all of the people here. They will help you get through this, promise. Read Harley's advice, apply what you can to your own situation. <BR>I don't post much, but I'll be here... <BR>

Too Many,<P>Please know that my heart goes out to you.<P>As for the E-Mail the wench keeps sending you, you do have the option to BLOCK HER E-MAIL ADDRESS!!!!!!<P>Consider getting yourself a NEW one and putting less personal information on it to register - maybe you can use an alias and send e-mails out to the friends you trust telling them who you are. I know that you shouldn't have to be the one to uproot yourself, but at least she won't be able to harrass you anymore. She sounds like a little girl to me. <P>Wonder if she isn't trying to convice HERSELF how much your H wants her. If she HAD your H's heart, why would she need to bother with trying to convince you?<P>One final thought: Tears, what comes around goes around. (I know this from personal experience!) This woman sounds like a nasty, spiteful, immature, evil person. Your H might be wise to know that if he decides to try again with you, this would be the best possible outcome for him. If he doesn't come back to you, then he's stuck with that nasty person. <P>What comes around goes around, girlfriend. 8^)<P>Khyra

So much pain, I know.<P>I am also new here and can't offer advise except: FORGIVE HIM "????" you may ask, and I would tell you to remember how much you love him (not how much you're hurt, but how much you love him); send him this love as peacefully as you can, I don't know if he'll receive this thought of yours but you'll feel better and will get your reason back.<P>It may not work the first day but keep trying. You have to think straight because this is war and you can win. You cannot attack passionately because it is passion what those two have. You'll win with a centered mind and a loving heart. If at the end he leaves anyway you may lose a husband but will regain your soul.<P>We are all with you.<P>ThisAlex<P>------------------<BR>If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart to.