Well, im glad to see a few familiar names here, so that i can share with someone who knows...<BR>H bought this big house FAR from OW, but he kept calling her and calling her, and i kept threatening to leave (plan A? yeah, right, i was the biggest lovebuster of all time!).<BR>I kicked him and swatted him a couple times last weekend, and he had me arrested (unlike "COPS", no charges have to be filed, and someone has to be hauled off a domestic scene..so it was me. he bailed me out in 2 hours, though). <BR>Well, something must've woken him up. It's possible she is even a bigger lovebuster than i am...drinks a lot, keeps blaming H for the suicide of another guy she was dating at the same time...so, i don't know what snapped in H's mind, but last night he drove the 100 miles to her house and picked up some jewelry she had in her safe, and said he was planning to do something with her piano, which has been in my dining room for 2 years now. and then he came home.<BR>he is a total wreck today.<BR>i knew he had never given her up, because i never saw any withdrawal symptoms, but here they are today. he's crying and suicidal and actually apologizing profusely.<BR>this is totally new for him.<BR>thank god ive been on my antideps.<BR>so, am i in for a whole new set of nightmares now?<BR>i need some reassurance to keep going for awhile, so someone please respond. this is really a make-or-break thing, as we have been seriously discussing divorce, and if i can fill up his love bank as fast as possible (can it be done while he's in withdrawal?), then i think we can start to recover.<BR>thanks to anyone with any encouragement,<BR>julie<P>[This message has been edited by loveWASblind=lWb (edited May 08, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by loveWASblind=lWb (edited May 09, 2000).]

Julie<P>I am so happy that you are on anti-deps. It will help. How long have you been on them now? <P>You have been through so much emotional upheaval, and it was just the other day that you were so upset - when they hauled you off. Are you sure you can handle all of his emotional downs? You need some support, my dear friend. You need to have an 'outlet' - because you know - the roller coaster is still alive.<P>Are you still working? I hope so. <P>It does sound like he is starting withdrawal, but it is so early in the process - and with his instability - it could be a worse ride than most. I know you love him. So you just treat yourself well, and don't say or do anything to make your husband angry, right now.<P>I know you want to help him, but the best help is to get yourself support and learn how to dodge the downs - be the stable one right now. <P>I really do hope he will end it completely. It is his only chance of normalcy! Sounds like he is really taking some steps to end it this time.<P>hugs,<BR>TNT

thanks, tnt, you are always there for me.<BR>yeah, it's gonna be bad. I have a therapist now, and im accountable to her to take my antideps, so im really on course there. i still have valium from TWO SUMMERS AGO, when OW first came to my house...i thought i would not be needing it after that summer...glad i stockpiled some .<BR>H is on elavil and celexa to treat his fibromyalgia (remember we thought it was lupus, but it's not, and serendipitously antideps are the drug of choice for FMS. unfortunately, he ran out a couple days ago, so he's SUPER miserable).<BR>I still have my support network, if only by phone, and i still have my mini-vacation (ie, work) at Target on the weekends, so i am bolstered for some of this...i just knew id better get my hiney back here to prevent lovebusters at this point.

Well, it sounds like you are more fortified this time around! GOOD<P>Get those meds for your husband!!!! Good thing that he is getting the help he needs.<P>You sounds like you have more support, energy and forthought that you had 2 summers ago. <P>Glad you stockpiled those pills! But you gotta make sure you don't lovebust. You really do.<P>How are your kids doing?<BR>

LWB<BR>Hang in there!<BR>Yep it's a new ride, but you were tired of the old one anyway, right. <P>Withdrawal can be tough but if he came to these conclusions on his own there it may be a shorter ride. It's possible.<P>Think of it as the fog lifting and use some of the patience you've had so much practice at!!!<BR>We'll be here. I lurk a lot. Do your venting here not there.<P>Prayers<BR>Wassi

thanks, wassi and tnt.<BR>yeah, i guess i was tired of the old rollercoaster...i feel like im in line for the new one though....there is sort of a respite we're on, and we have to stick together to keep our rental property from being foreclosed on, which is distracting for the moment. it is a sunny day today, but too still...like a storm is coming..or, maybe the depression is lifting, and this is what life should be like?<BR>does anyone have any tips on how to get through withdrawal? he's in that "ive hurt everyone and want to kill myself" stage, so im being nice, but not pushy. is that good?<BR>help! i don't want that storm to come...

oh, and tnt, my kids are doing great. the baby seems to be the one thing that keeps H hanging on. she's just sitting up and eating solids.7 months already, can you believe it?<BR>the 2 yo is in a lot of pain. he needs constant attention, and wants to sleep in my bed (ive been in the guest room). at least he is finally starting to really talk.<BR>they are the love of my life, and ive been able to think about them since i started the wellbutrin, and they give me a LOT of hope for my life, no matter what happens.

lWb , Julie,<P>I'm so glad to see you back ! And with some baby steps by hubby to report ! Hooray !<P>This won't be easy, but none of what you have already faced has been easy. Stay on your meds and try to keep hubby on his.<P>Glad to see you again !<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hey you!!<P>Gosh, I was just thinking about you the other day. So good to hear from you.<P>This sounds promising. I'm glad you are both on antideps. This will be a rough road for both of you.<P>Like TnT said, no LB! It's hard as heck, isn't it????<P>I can't believe your little one is 7 mths already. Sheesh, just seems like yesterday! Is your 2yo seeing H regularly? It's so hard on the little ones. My 2yo sleeps with me too. Frankly, right now, I wouldn't have it any other way. She has nightmares and gets scared alot during the night. I figure it's the least I can do for her right now. We are in the potty training times. Oh boy.....Just wait. <P>Glad your back with some good news. Fill up that lovebank, honey. I know you can do it.<P>God Bless,<BR>Cheryl

thanks for the encouragement deb and ceecee (yeah, i think of YOU, too ). We've all been living together as a family for awhile now, so unless H is working late, he sees the kids a lot. even takes care of them when i go to work on the weekends. I think those kids were the only thing that kept H alive yesterday....<BR>Anyway, he got his meds refilled, and seems better this morning. he's been lurking around here, so i'll be careful what i say (no LB in the MB!).<BR>I sent him NoMas's withdrawal thread, but H did not really seem to think it applied to him, so i don't know what that means. He says he's not a believer in the marriagebuilders method. I think that's my fault, because he read all this stuff early on, and i never even tried to plan A him (you guys, i have been totally cruel to him, but i really thought i had lost him, and i wanted to hurt him for hurting me so bad. still, no excuse, and im over that now).<BR>Well, the day started ok...finger's crossed, but im sure i'll be back.<BR>anyone else want to chime in with warnings about withdrawal? (i used to envy you folks, at least it was over! H just never stopped loving OW for a minute, no matter what he said. sigh)

oops, double post<P>------------------<BR><A HREF="http://www.go.to/wcu" TARGET=_blank>loveWASblind</A>

It IS good to see your name here again - and with pretty good news, no less!<P>Looks like you're MUCH better prepared for the ride this time around....and that he's gonna ride with you, too. That sure makes it better.<P>It's gonna be hard on him and he doesn't have a CLUE. That's a shame. I think it DOES help, just a smidgen, to know it's normal. You, thank goodness, could probably "write the book" by now you're so prepared.<P>Hang in there. Get a grip on the lb's. You can do it - meds should make it a bit easier.<P>Remember, we're here for you.<P>Sending tons of hugs and prayers your way.<P>Lori

thanks, lostva...i need all the hope i can get.<BR>we seem to still be having a very stress inducing problem (for me, anyway). neither of us is sure we want to stay married, and i have threatened to leave about a million times. clearly, our problems go WAY beyond his affair, and he seems to think we can't get past them at all (that's common in withdrawal, right?).<BR>i have been angry, and never denied it, but now i am not. im just not angry anymore. im stressed out that we have been talking divorce so long that we can't get past it, that we somehow HAVE to.<BR>he's insistent that we need some time apart, but he's always said that, and ive always resisted it. the thing is, i was angry. i can't blame him for suggesting it.<BR>if i were plan A'ing, do you think he'd want me to stay? (and leaving is a BIG deal, my 2 kids are tiny, and we have some very serious financial problems)<BR>i guess what im saying is, i need some help to make me want to keep this together. one of us has to quit waffling, because we are driving each other insane.<BR>ok, if you made it this far, thanks, just a little note of encouragement would really make my day <BR><P>------------------<BR><A HREF="http://www.go.to/wcu" TARGET=_blank>loveWASblind</A>

{{{{{loveWASblind}}}}}<P>I'm sorry to hear that things aren't turning out so well, but sit back and take some good deep breaths, and try to relax a bit.<BR>Since you're not in Plan A -- order your H to do the same! <P>Your husband is in withdrawal and are in no condition to make an informed opinion at the moment, he will bounce left and right, up and down, until he finds his equilibrium, which might take days, weeks or months.<BR>In the meantime try to be the anchor of stability around him, he's shaky, he's hurting.... Well, so are you, but you have several advantages here, you know you can make it, you have the support and love of all of us here, who are here for you when you need to vent, cry or shout out the frustration... And you are the one with the best grasp on reality right now.<BR>Help, him through this, give him some space, but don't let him move out, not yet!<P>You two should both try to relax, have some calmness in your lives before you make important decissions, never make hasty decissions or ones made in anger, you will most likely end up making things worse in the long run and bitterly regret it.<P>Hope and prayers to you and your husband.<BR>

thanks, sadman. yeah, i think we need to just keep things as they are for awhile. i'll really plan A as best i can. knowing that he has finally even TRIED to rid OW of his life is really helpful.<BR>yunno, it just occurred to me...im out on bail for misdemeanor assault charges...i guess i really wont be going anywhere for a while (there's not even a court date yet!).<BR>perhaps our struggle together against the authorities will help cement our relationship a bit (also, we have a house possibly going into foreclosure, so we are working jointly on that). my H has had some pretty rough times in his life, but this has got to rank near the top (there are several more things i won't get into ). normally, i would be angry and vengeful for this horrible situation, but i am really trying to turn it around and support him for a change. after all, he really did make a great effort to give me and the babies a nice home FAR away from OW, so he deserves a lot of credit for meeting my need for financial security and domestic help .<BR>ok, one day...er..hour..at a time.<BR>julie<P>------------------<BR><A HREF="http://www.go.to/wcu" TARGET=_blank>loveWASblind</A>

Julie,<P>It seems like the two of you have a lot of practicalities to take care of right now, use these to show each other that you can work together as a team, and by doing this you will also take some stress out of the emotional turmoil of your relationship right now.<BR>If it is too stressful to talk about all these things, it's definitely better to get busy with something practical to take away the nagging fears and hurts away (at least for a while), and let your subconcious work on the issues for a while...<BR>The time will soon come, when you're both more in control of your emotions and you can start talking about it, and having somewhat rebuilt your friendship, by doing things together should help...<BR>And if you run dry of ideas, you can always start to paint the house, rearrange the garden or something else you can do together, show that you can work as a team.<P>Hopes & Prayers for you and your family.

You know, especially with him in withdrawal, a really earnest shot at Plan A for you might just be just the ticket!<P>BTW, in case you don't know, after months of living with PT, Robert is home and we're doing well! Amazing, huh?<P>You know what to do. You already said it - one day at a time - heck, sometimes one MINUTE at a time, right???? <P>It's always worth a shot. Remember, a great marriage would surely be worth all the effort. Would be pretty nice to get something wonderful after all you've already been through, huh?<P>Hang in there. <P>Lori

sadman, you're right. we need to work on the immediate problems together, and lori, if i can plan A it the whole time, i think i can swing it.<BR>H was talking earnestly last night about me moving out, and how the job market is just too good now for me to waste my brain...all i did was listen and be noncommittal. before, i would have gotten really upset and driven him further away, so i think i did really well.<BR>lori, that is such great news about your H and you! I KNEW he would come around!<BR>thanks for your support, guys!<BR>julie

{{{{Julie}}}}<P>I don't know if this applies for an official MB ATTAGIRL, but you at least got one from me, you've handled that situation very well.<BR>Keep up the good stuff, and home-improvements on all fronts are just around the corner <P>Hope and Prayers for you and your family.<BR>