we have been trying to rebuild for 8 mos. there has been a major set back a few weeks ago when he finally told the truth, (that it wasn't "just twice"). it went on for 4 and a half years. i am struggling to forgive the cruelty of lying after i offered complete forgiveness when i found out in the first place. and he didn't even tell me this info, i found out when the ow's friend called to tell me about the birth of the ow's and my husband's baby. the paternity suit is in sept. through it all my h is repentent and continually restating his committment and love to me. he has cut off contact (8mos ago) changed jobs, and it all looks good on the outside, but i have a hard time trusting. is there any success stories out there. will i ever be "in love" with him again? will i ever feel good about myself? is it really possible to rebuild? will i ever feel joy again, will the pain ever stop? i am committed to this marriage, but i desperatly want to run away, i would love to be encouraged by your "happily ever after"story.

neen:<P>We have a happily ever after story (well, at least we're a year post affair and doing well)---my wife had an affair, and we're raising an "affair baby".<P>A couple pieces of advice. The complete honesty from your husband shouldn't be viewed as a setback---in fact, it's a major triumph. You want to encourage complete honesty about everything---it's the only way that your marriage is going to survive. Don't lovebust when he tells you these pieces of information. It's OK to be hurt and angry, but you need to manage it correctly and thank him for his honesty.<P>I'd also suggest that you be doing some counseling with a good professional. If you're not seeing someone currently, I'd recommend the phone counseling with Steve Harley here at MarriageBuilders.

THANK YOU K<BR>this forum is a great idea, your response was encouraging.

neen<BR>It is absolutely possible to rebuild after an affair. Your knowing the truth adds to the already open wound, but it is a step in the right direction. Also, your husband's commitment to you and his actions in cutting off contact and changing jobs is a huge step towards rebuilding.<P>I strongly encourage you to find a good counselor in your area who specializes in marriage and family therapy. Unfortuantely, the road to recovery is long and rocky....and you have the added complication of a baby with the ow. BUT those complications don't mean that your marriage can't be rebuilt into something magnificent IF you are both willing to hang on tight and do the hard work necessary for success. <P>I also strongly encourage you to do some reading about rebuilding after an affair. You know about Dr. Harley's books I'm sure....I also recommend After the Affair by Janis Spring and Torn Asunder by Dave Carder. Torn Asunder is my personal favorite. It has excellent concrete advice for both you and your husband that can help you understand the process that you are each facing. It can also help you each understand the other's feelings and emotions a little better.<P>You are at the beginning of a journey here.....and it is a journey that is worth taking from my perspective. We reached 18 months post-affair today and can honestly say that we are extremely happy and content. We have cried gallons of tears and expressed deep pain and anger, but doing it all honestly and in love has only brought us closer together. Yes, there is hope.....don't give up.<P>------------------<BR>"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31<P><BR>

REALLY? oh thank you so much.