Dearest Lonely: I read your post to Nomas and I felt a twinge of pain. I have faith that you will be whole again. You have got to hang in there. Hell, we've have got to hang in there for each other. We are feeling the pain of withdrawal, need, loneliness, but we will survive this. An affair in most cases is painful for all concerned. This is has been pretty much a safe place for alot of folks. I can come here and express my feelings and not be condemned be it reasonable or unreasonable. Yes, I miss the OM very much and as I said in another post, he does have his faults that I do recognize. I have got to leave right now, but I hope to hear from you soon.

Thanks Sobeit for your encouraging words. I have not been doing very well this week with the withdrawl and with my life in general. Withdrawl and going through divorce has been pretty painful. There are days when I really don't understand why I should even get up and go through the motions. If it isn't the withdrawl dragging me down, it's a problem with my children, or another disagreement with my H, or some other problem. This week it's been both. I question my bad judgement and how I let this happed to me. I wonder how I could have lost my head over someone who was capable of spending months seducing my emotions and then when I needed him most, he vanishes. I never knew about withdrawl until I came here; I wish I still didn't. It almost seems that it is normal and common for the two betrayers to have withdrawl; I have read about it from the people on this forum. I feel worse because I was the silly gullible one who is dealing with this. My co-betrayer apparently had no problem at all. The only conclusion I can come up with is that he lied to me for five months. <P>Anyway...thanks for being supportive. I have had a very hard time today trying to get control of my emotions. They just don't want to behave.<P>LS<BR>

Dear Lonely: You made a judgement call based on your feelings and needs at the time. You didn't annihilate the world. The OP just wasn't the right person for you. Is your spouse divorcing you because of this? A suggestion to help with your withdrawal/depression. When my spouse would ignore me or treat me poorly, instead of taking my frustrations out on the kids, I would take them out to eat, to the park or some community function. I did this for over 20 years. I would be so angry that I would tell my kids that we're hitting the road for some fun. I didn't care if they were dirty from playing all day or had homework(I told them to bring their homework with them). I would make them each go to the bathroom, I would changed the baby's diaper, grabbed a bottle, diapers, wipies, money and off we went. I would pump up the volume of the radio(enough not to hurt their ears) and we would sing to the tunes. My kids are all older now with kids of their own and my diaper baby is 13 years of age. They couldn't tell you every restaurant, every fair, museum, free summer concerts we went to because there were so many. But they do know the words to "Radar Love". So in many ways my kids, without them even knowing were my salvation and helped me get through alot of painful heartaches. The only setback to that is all but one child is grown and gone and I am experiencing the empty nest syndrome. I am going through alot of hurtles right now as we speak, but everyone here has almost become like my children. A support group. Too bad, I can't load you all up in my truck and we can play some tunes and locate the nearest free concert and just have fun. My love and prayers to you.

Sobeit....My divorce was my request because with or without the OM, I knew I couldn't continue in a marriage where I was the target of verbal and emotional abuse. When my kids started feeling it too, it was time to do something. My H is not the most stable person and goes from one extreme to the other. His behavior since January has been horrid. If once, he had shown me and the children some respect, I may have reconsidered. I think one reason the withdrawl has been incredibly difficult for me is because my H never misses a day to tell me that the OM dumped me, he used me, he cut me out of his life like a cancer, I was nothing to him but a joke, etc. It is hurtful and painful. <P>Anyway, thanks again for your suggestions. The one thing I don't do is take this mess out on the children; they have been through enough. I do try to keep things as normal as I can. So far...so good. I'm just having a super bad day today.<P>ls<P>

Ok, so I have been "evesdropping" on the two of you.... I apologize for the interuption...<BR>But I feel that you each have something that I can relate to and also things that I can learn from...<P>The withdrawls are unbearable sometimes... and the disrespect at home is unbearable sometimes... So that leaves me stuck in the middle and alone... But I continue on... knowing that this is just another obstical that I have to beat... <P>I too have to drag myself out of bed and through the day... I too find myself needing to get out and away from the criticism coming from my H...<P>I guess this is what is meant by being stuck between a rock and a hard place... after 4 weeks of not having any time to myself and a week of constant arguing with my H I have just about been pushed over the edge today.... I am ready to pull my hair out...Don't get me wrong... I love them all to pieces, but I need a break...<P>Sorry... I just wanted you two to know that I feel what you are going through... and I wish you strength and guidance and endurance... <BR>

Perhaps...it is something in the stars or the air or whatever. Last week, things were tense, but I was doing better with the withdrawl stuff. Yesterday, the withdrawl decided to kick in and today, I am a mess. What gives? How long is this going to go on? I know contacting him is not an option...I just want it to stop. <P>I quess we are all having a time of it today. I wish I could just take a vacation from my life for awhile. There seems to be no safe place; work reminds me of the OM, home is where the H is ready to start another confrontation. <P>Lacee...I know how hard going this alone is. I know your H doesn't know, and maybe that is good. Mine does know and rubs my nose in the rejection daily. When do we get to the good part? The convent is looking more attractive every day.<P>Sorry for being such a whiny thing today. I will say a prayer for all of us. I always do, but maybe I should try to be a bit more aggressive today.<BR>

Listen the both of you! You are both important valuable people. Don't let anyone tell you different, not even the old man! Yes, you are having a bad day, but it will not last forever. I do promise you that. In January, I came close to putting a gun to my head and yes I still have those days when I still want to, but it was the kindness and constant pushing of these good people that has kept and still keeping me alive. I had already put the suicide plans in place because the pain was so deep. I know this may not come across well, but when the OM first looked at you, he saw beauty and yes, vulnerability. He took advantage of that and you got hurt. However, you learned from your experiences and now are trying to move on. That does not mean you are a sucker or a joke. It means that you will take a closer look at the next relationship before jumping in. It's life folks. I had resented my spouse's criticisms when it came to my weight or my looks. Of course, I took things to the extreme and showed him. Now, I struggle with bulimia, OCD and withdrawal from my OM. But you know what? I am going to fight back. I have got to fight back especially for my life. You both have to look at yourselves in the mirror and see the beauty that reflects back. You will see a person who is of great value, who is full of love and compassion, a person who is deserving of the best life has to offer. You tell yourself as Martin Luther King said "I am somebody" and I do not deserve to be treated badly! As far as taking a vacation for a while, what's stopping you? Take one! Go on a day trip or a weekend excursion. It doesn't take much money if you plan right. Take your kids, a friend (no, not OP)or if you're comfortable, just take yourself.<P>I am giving you both a strong spiritual hug, wiping your tears and hold your face in my hands like a mother does and I am telling you "everything is going to be alright". My love and prayers to you.

Sobeit, Thank-you. I started tearing up just reading your thread; I told you I am a bit on the over emotional side today. I am sorry for all that you have endured and I am encouraged by your words. I hate days like today and get angry with myself for hating them. I know that everday is precious and it is wasted when I can't seem to get out of my way. I think I am just exhausted from dealing with everyday things and the extra stuff; a divorce and withdrawl. Anyway, thank you for being with me today; I am very appreciative.<P> <BR>

Well, I washed the newly aquired grey out of my hair (it's amazing what stress does to create those little grey things) along with all negative thoughts and feelings and I am not answering the phone from the bill collectors anymore today! <P>I feel much better and am going to make a great dinner for H and enjoy the Jazz game (that is if we win) tonight and try to keep his mind of the financial crap. No arguing allowed! <P>I appreciate your letting me intrude in your post and letting me vent. I think once I am through this spring, I will do even better...because I think I have really come far. I have a much better attitude this afternoon and I thank you both for your sweet words and support.<P>Keeping you in my prayers...<P>