Hi to anyone who would care to listen. Its been a long time since I could write and I tried before but didnt go through. To respond for understanding for my sake and a better knowing the other side of the story. Let me begin. This may be short as I need to get ready for church and am slow to type. Its been very difficult with w and she often misreeds my intentions or words at times,its very discouraging.I cant and wont go into all the stuff that has upset me and wont. I had always run from hostile situations as to look for peace and to consider things and I may not be very bright to my conclusions but still I just need to get away for petes sake or mine. Emotionally crushed I centered my hope to a foolish fantasy that another could love me for me as my w said she doesnt anymore. Im beyond that and am running to a place for happiness,strenght,hope,peace,joy. I may be running again but what a good place to run to-GOD. I need H for answers,peace,everyting. W could be a part of all but that she hates and blames and fights. Keep us in your prayers,lift her up for peace and the grace by which we must rely. I know that God can when we cant so please just pray. thank you. David

David, I have never read any previous post from you, but I guess that maybe your W had an affair on you. Yes, I know how you feel. The words that come out are not said to intentionally hurt your W. They just need to be said. I journaled a lot to write down my sad feelings instead of saying to H. Of course that didn't work all the time, but it helped. I also wrote to him. I guess what I'm saying is I know how important it is to feel that your hurt and pain deserve to be acknowledged by the person who caused it, but you need to find a less destructive way. Great, I'm giving you advice that I didn't follow, but my outcome is the big D. I know what I did wrong and I hope that you don't fall into my path of destruction. If you love her and want to make it work, tell her that. Tell her you just want her to acknowledge your feelings and that you are not trying to blame or make her feel bad. You said something about going to church, please do, but go to church for the right reasons. Learn how to forgive and understand. Thats all God wants.

David,<P>I didn't realize until after I read Sheryl's post that this was you... Sorry. <P>Please... read in Sheryl's thread (just click on the underlined text)<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010400.html" TARGET=_blank>Don't hate me</A>... my reply to her... and desires for you and her to work together... in His name. <P>Thanks for coming here... <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 05, 1999).]

Hi, David.<P>It has been a really long time since you posted, hasn't it? I, for one, am REALLY glad to see you here.<P>I would guess that you read Sheryl's post too. Good. You guys really need to be talking to each other, but, hey, do it here with us, maybe we can help. I have a feeling that a big part of this problem may be that emotions and defenses jump in and neither of you really say what you MEAN to say, and maybe don't hear exactly what the other means to say as well.<P>I commend you on becoming closer to God. Throughout this ordeal, I've found He has given me strength I never thought I'd have. I assume from your post that you welcome Sheryl to join you in this. Like I said, maybe you guys aren't communicating well, 'cause I don't think she seems to understand that.<P>It's pretty obvious that your wife is a friend of mine. But don't just dismiss me because of that. I also have a great deal of admiration for your strength and courage in trying to put your life and your marriage back together. This is NOT an easy task. And the hurt and pain is tremendous. I do understand. I'm there, too. Or trying to be.<P>So, look. Why don't you post more often to us. Try to use us as a sounding board for you to vent and let out your suffering as well. We're here, for you as well as Sheryl.<P>We will be honest with you. Just like we are with her. And sometimes, that honesty is not exactly what you may want to hear, but it will be what you need to here. <P>You're reaching out to God to become a better person. Reach out to us, too. For me, personally, I believe that's why this board is here. A lifeline for me from God. He helps us all in so very many ways, many we don't understand at the time.<P>So, David, welcome back. Hope you'll stick around. No matter what happens in your marriage, I think you could learn and grow an awful lot from being here. I know I have.<P>Lori

Welcome David,<P>((((((((((David))))))))))<P>that was a cyber hug...<BR>I don't know what to say right now, but wanted to welcome you to the 'boards'.<BR>My wife (well technically ex, though we are still 'together') and I post here together and between posting and talking, we can honestly say that we have some pretty good communication going on. <BR>I've often heard that 'communication solves all problems'. Not sure if it is entirely true, but good communication is definitely a MUST if any of us wish to get through this.<BR>So post alot. You may find that it helps. You won't find much in the way of judgement here, but lots of support and a whole bunch of ears and shoulders.<BR>Deut

David,<P>GLAD to see your post!!! Please read my reply on Sheryl's post. You guys have SOOOOO much going on in your lives right now. Alot more than ANY COUPLE could possibly cope with alone.<P>That means you need help. We can be a great source of support, but NOT the type of help you two need. You need profesional help. Sheryl will be visiting the lady minister soon. I am praying that you will find it in your heart to open yourself to some outside counsel - Sheryl's minister or someone else you BOTH can go to and respect. Friends can only do so much, because they are NOT trained to help and they have bias because they are your friends!<P>PLEASE CONSIDER GOING TO THE COUNSELING!!!!! AND< PLEASE CONSIDER GETTING SOME MEDS FOR ANXIETY/DEPRESSION!!!!!!!!!<P>EVERYONE of us here is here because we need the HELP. There is NO SHAME in needing help -only shame is in refusing to get the help you need. David, we ALL need help at one time or another. <P>PRAYING very hard for God to put the path to healing and happiness in front of both you and Sheryl, and then for you both to walk hand in hand down that path together!!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

David -- Glad to see you post again. Hey, man, <B>please</B> do <B>two</B> things for me: 1) see a counselor; and, 2) set an appointment with a psychologist for some anti-depressants.<P>I have been seeing a therapist for 8 months now. She has been a great help to me in showing me what feelings are right, what are wrong and how to purge the bad feelings. I'm making an appointment to see a psychiatrist this week to get anti-deps to deal with the roller coaster that we are both on. <P>You and Sheryl still love each other very much. It would be a waste to let each other go when you haven't done your best. I can see you've got it in you to do what's best for you, you just have to see it, too.<P>Please, please, don't let this go down the tubes. You really are very close to making this a success. You need to stop running and confront what bothers you.<P>I will close with this: There isn't anything in the whole world I wouldn't give to be in the position you are in now. That is, having a wife that is willing to try very hard to work things out. Don't let go just yet.<P>Keep posting and if you want to e-mail me send it to **edit** <p>[This message has been edited by Heartpain (edited December 05, 1999).]

I wish to express thanks to everyone who have taken the time to reply, I cant respond now as I am feeling sick and would really just like to go to sleep now. This may be due to lack of sleep and not eating and basically run down. Ill try to write something later when Im feeling better.

David,<P>I came back and read this again. I saw some things that I'd missed before... blinded by anger, I guess...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Emotionally crushed I centered my hope to a foolish fantasy that another could love me for me as my w said she doesnt anymore.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>David, I do love you. No matter what ever happens between us. The love may have changed, but it is still there, and will always remain.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I may be running again but what a good place to run to-GOD.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <P>I agree with you. God is good, and He can do for us what we can't do for ourselves.<P>I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you, and that I have taken a fresh look at things. I'm not saying things will be "fine" - and I'm sure you agree and understand that, but I am saying that you are worth more to me than any other man on earth. You are the father of our children, the man who worked very hard for us for years, and the man who I grew up with. <P>You are a good man. I have just been very angry. I'm sorry if I've hurt you more than you've already been hurt.<P>~Sher

Sheryl,<P>You know sometimes you bring tears to my eyes. That was a nice gentle post and I am tearing up. Please, you two are tired. Just rest and not work on this for awhile. You two just might find you don't mind being together after all.<P>Good Night and<P>God Bring Both of You Peace<P>JL

HI David,<BR> Welcome back. WE all are pulling for you an Sheryl. I for one think she's a remarkable person. I'm sure you are too if she loves you so much. <P> Please continue to post. There are good loving mostly Christian (in concept at least) people here. God brought you both here for a reason,and us. REMEMBER, we are "faceless". You can tell us ANYTHING!!<P> Sometimes I feel, well, from my thoughts to God's ears through these wonderful caring "Angels" of the Marriage Builders Forum!!<BR> I believe he works "Through" us to help ALL of us here!! Anyway, We're praying HARD!!!!!!! For you guys!!! LET IT OUT. Remember faceless and non-judgmental!!<P> FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

David did not see this last night, but I told him of it this morning. <P>He says he will post tonight. <P>We are nowhere near the end of the tunnel, but we told each other we loved each other this morning. No tears, no anger, no kisses...<P>For what I'm about to say: I know it sounds silly for married people, but we both agree that although there is love there, at this time there are "no strings attached" to the love. Was it Just Learning who said, "Just be"?? That's where we are. Just being.<P><BR>~Sheryl<BR>

David and Sheryl:<P>It seems that you are both frustrated and very tired of dealing with things the way they've been. But you both acknowledge that there's still love between you.<P>I'd ask you both to consider doing the phone counseling here with Steve for a few sessions. I'm pretty sure that he can help you get the marriage back on track, with ideas that make sense, but ones that you probably haven't thought of (or known how to implement).<P>It's cheaper than a divorce, and I think you'd both be better off for trying.

3wishes, I'm so glad to see you here again !<P>As we all know every situation has 2 sides, and it's very easy to talk when we're not in there. But we do care for both of you and are so much hoping that you can find yourselves again.<P>I feel, like many other here, that you have a good change, but you are simply exausted.<BR>Trying to hard sometimes does that.<P>Misunderstandings occur in the best situations, let alone in something like this, and they do create a mess. Maybe you guys should make sure that the other understands what you really mean, so things are not as confusing. <P>Also, I believe the focus now needs to be not in the past ( for any of you ) but in your future. You guys are working on the same side, try not to concentrate on what happened and put your energy on what can happen.<P>A relaxed time together is so very important. Not thinking about anything ( in the begining many times me and my H would just sit down on the sofa together each doing crosswords or playing chess,not talk just enjoying being together )<P>Everybody knows how long I get when I start writing but I don' t want to scare you of <BR>I'll stop here for now <P>Please stay with us 3wishes, even if we can't help, we can at least be here when you need us.<P>Take care<BR>Kat<P><P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Sheryl I really liked your answer.<BR>I know that 3wishes needs to know you love him, it's so very important and we sometimes don't explain it as we should, there are so many things happening at the same time.<P>I remember being in recovery and I just needed to hear it. My H however, thought it was self explanatory. He knew he loved me, so I should know it too. Unfortunately reading minds is not my strongest subject LOL<P>Sometimes we think about something and we kind of assume the other person knows what we are thinking either by our actions or other words. I know because I do that sometimes as well <P>Now I will also add my wishes that you guys can work this out.<P>Please give it time and just be yourseves the rest will come.<P>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

I don't have a lot to say but...<P>If you are both here, you both want to make this work.<P>You both have a relationship with God. You both are trying to love and understand. <P>Guess what?????? <B>I think your going to make it.</B> Even though the journey may be tough. Hang in there! I and the others will be praying for you and cheering you on. <P>(Sigh) Sure wish my husband would come here if only to read. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Good to see you are both communicating - through here at this forum, at home, it's wonderful news.<P>Keep on 'just being'<P>You are both in my thoughts and prayers<P>Jo

Up to the top for my H

A very grateful thank you to all! Its late and I have been working for 14 hours already so I will apologixe for a short message. I need an opinion from anyone who is wolling,please respond. Our marriage has been very difficult lately and many poor statements made. I regret I said many and done many things I am embarrassed about. W has had it and wants a D and said so 5 times in last 5 days ,something like that,anyway Im afraid I believed her and wint out and found an apt. and not exactly a great one as I need to provide for Cristmas. Who would have thought at this time it would end. I know I must be driving her crazy and me behind the wheel makes me very sad. I am willing to go for her sake as it seems she cant stand me anymore. It feels right and then not. Im just tired fo fighting and feeling hated at times. Im scared. Ill try to post something more specific to this if needed. Please advise if you would. At least pray and pray. May the peace of God be with us and strenghten our hearts. David

Leaving something important out! I also love her.I wonder what train hit me.