My husband invited me for lunch and told me he´s leaving home because he doesn´t love me anymore. I´m attonished, dizzy, feeling weird. I came back to work and I do not know what to do. Can someone help me ?

Claudia,<BR>I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I will be praying that God will let you feel His warm, loving embrace. Im hugging you too. ((((((Claudia))))))<BR>Kris

can I call you to talk to someone for a minute ?

Hang in there claudia. I guess the first step would be to see if he's home when you get there. Try and stay calm.

Thanks. I will have a very important meeting in a couple hours so I ´m an executive in a very important company and I do not nobody here to know about it. Actually he told me he´s registered in a hotel already. It was so cold, I´m attonished...I almost canpt breath...

I am so sorry. <BR>((((((((((((((((Claudia)))))))))))))))))))<P>My heart goes out to you. I know the pain you are feeling. I've been there too. I'm here for you.<P>------------------<BR>You can't live with them, you can't kill them!<BR>Viki

Claudia:<P>Eighteen months, I came home from work and walked in the door. My husband was sitting on the sofa with a cold and hard look on his face. I sat down on the sofa across from him and said, "Hi, Baby. How was your day?" Sweet voice, big grin...the whole bit.<P>He turned to look at me and said, "I want out of this marriage. I am all done with you, I want to be rid of you, I'm sick of looking at you-I want out."<P>I sat there in stunned disbelief and started to laugh. I thought he was kidding. I had never heard him say anything like that to me before and I was flabbergasted. <P>I felt my heart instantly break into a million pieces and I knew he meant it.<P>The following week he went to a party without me and found someone else and started a fling (an exit affair?). The following weekend he flew off to NY to be with her again for the weekend...then two weekends later he flew off again and then two weekends after that.<P>She got pregnant and had a baby 8-19-99.<P>My head is still spinning; it all happened so fast.<P>He ended the relationship and asked to come home within 60 days and we went into recovery. Withdrawal lasted until a year ago this month and ever since then, this past year, we have been working very hard on repairing the marriage.<P>Lot of bad days, most days are good days, though. I am dealing with a lot of resentment that this happened at all and that he was capable of doing what he did.<P>He is completely contrite and remorseful, loving and wonderful, but then he's on medication which has really made a difference.<P>I don't know what to tell you about what to expect because every scenario is different. My spouse's alcoholism completely distorted his thinking into making me the bad guy and giving him license to find someone new. He really did want to be rid of me when he was sick and wasn't in his right mind. He really thought he wanted the OW, he really thought a lot of things that were completely inaccurate.<P>I think it was a mid-life crisis and that he just needed to play big shot and play a role, and be adored by a stranger.<P>Since you are here, you must suspect that there could be someone else. Please come back and post your story to see if some of the others here can give you some encouragement and enlightenment and comfort. <P>In the meantime, I will pray for you.<P>catnip =^^=<P>

Dear all of you:<BR>We were married for six years and we have a great marriage, real do. We love each other sooo much and so on and on. Sometimes we have fights which lasts one day but we like each other, we joke, we laugh, we prectice some sports together like running and sailing. We travel in the weekends. I´m executive in a big company and he is a Vice President in an advertising agency. Today during lunch time he told me he gave me lots of signs that the marriage wasn´t good what proofs we do not know each other so deep how we think. My therapist suggests he was feeling king of never accomplish anything to satisfied me, he told him I was always complaining. I told my terapist that I love life and have a very positive attitude and like everybody else there are ups and downs and I´m very intense in what I do and feel. He said that my H was feeling inadequate. Bla...bla...bla... The thing is that is not a reason to break up a marriage. We both love each other and I´m not concerned about what he said, I am concerned about what he did not say to me. I am very sad and worried about him. I have a pain in my soul. I don´t know what to do. I love him so much. <BR>

Please pray for me. Here in Brazil we have a Saint named Santo Expedito, you pray for him for emergencies and impossible causes. He is a powerfull Saint, he´s a warrior. I love him a lot. Help me out with it, let´s pray for Saint Expedito. If someone is interested in the words I can send. He is always helping people in lots of differents circunstances. Please help me praying for him.

Claudia,<P>I'm so sorry to hear about your news. I am in a similar situation. My man and I had a minor difference of opinion, but he never recovered from it. Next thing you know he wants to move out (After 2 weeks). Before he even moved, he started seeing someone (After 3 weeks). He was not willing to work on the relationship in counseling, and so I asked him if he was interested in or has been seeing someone. He admitted to going on a couple of dates (group) with OW (50 yrs. old). He has moved out into his own apt., and is seeing the OW who happens to live in our complex. It hurts me deeply to see his car here, but know that he is not there to see me.<P>He says he loves me, but not 100% in love with me. He wants to work out his feelings by himself. He doesn't want anyone to know where he lives including the OW. I don't know if I can believe him anymore.<P>It happened so quickly! My friends say he is going through a mid-life crisis (he will be 46 this Summer). He never said unkind things, only that he wanted to feel 'in love' again.<P>Like you I am stunned, my soul is aching constantly, I love and miss him terribly, and want him back! I continue to go to counseling, but it is not helping anymore. I am in too much in pain to to absorb what counseling. Perhaps in a couple of weeks, when reality settles in. <P>I give you my best and hope your situation improves. No one should ever feel what we do at this time. It is a horrible feeling and I pray for God's love everyday to help my man and I heal.<P>Be well.<P>

It´s so sad to listen to this. I´m crying and crying. I hold myself all day at work, I have a very important position and I do not want no one knowing that. When I step at home I start to cry and never stop. I´m on medication and it helps a lot, I cry all night and tomorrow morning I dress up in my suit and go to work smiling to everyone. I do love him so much and I know he loves me but for God´s sake what´s going on ??? I do not know about other woman. My therapist forbide me to try to create stories not based in reality. He said both of us will find ways to explain why this and why that. The point is my H was depressed and feeling unacomplished and I have to work on it inside me. Hard, tough, hurts, I never felt so bad in my life.

Hi Claudia<P>I would love the words to your prayer.<P>Can you put them on this thread.<P>Keep your chin up and stay as calm as you can and keep positive. It still may all work out.<P>Love and hugs to you.<P>FET

How are you feeling this morning? <P>Ok after you have had a moment to absorb the shock you need to look for an opportunity to talk to your husband and show a plan A. (The part without the persuade for end to affair relationship because you don't know their is an OW right now.) Go to seek info on what needs he is missing, and then come up with a plan to meet them. He's in withdrawal so those clues are going to have to be listened to very carefully. He probably won't come out with them in any clear way. You are going to have to be a real detective, but they will come out. If you haven't had a chance yet examine the needs section of the site to familiarize yourself with them.<P>Avoid the lovebusters to the best of your ability. Check them out too so you are familiar with them. You are frustrated, scared, confused, hurt, if not angry now you will be. All of those emotions are valid, but they also make it real tempting to yell, scream, guilt, critisize and all kinds of things that won't be very productive. Scream and beat into a pillow before meeting him if you have to. You are a sexy, intelligent, funloving, compassionate, warm woman who is going to win her husband back!!!<P>It's going to take some patience. Results won't happen when you want them too, but look for the opportunities. You can do it. <P>Now breathe...you're going to be ok.

Dear all of you: thanks a lot for the support, I love all of you so much.<BR>I spoke with my therapist an he said to me that there is not another woman and we both love each other a lot. He told me that my H is very insecure right now about not being accomplishing lots of things in our marriage. He said that my H complained that I´m very demanding and he never seems to lease me. I was very surprised with that because for me everything was OK and he never talks too much about how he feels. This point proofs that generally the couples does not know each other, after six years we feel like strangers. He also adviced me to follow my intiution and my heart, I´m not a teenager anymore (I´m 39) and he said I have to talk to him. I was more confortable with my therapist words, he´s sure we will get back together and I have to be patient and wait. It hurts a lot, I love him a lot, I miss him a lot. Does anyone of you agree with my therapist point ?

I have the words at home, tonight I will type for you. I bet you will love it, it´s so pure and strong at the same time.<BR>All the best.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Forevertrue:<BR><B>Hi Claudia<P>I would love the words to your prayer.<P>Can you put them on this thread.<P>Keep your chin up and stay as calm as you can and keep positive. It still may all work out.<P>Love and hugs to you.<P>FET</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

yep, claudia sounds right on. <BR>Talk, and do your best plan A. <P>You can do this. <P>My husband isn't much of a talker either. I thought things were pretty ok with us, but I was engaging in all kinds of critical behavior that led my husband to feel he was inadequate. When life got stressful and the angry outbursts got added on top of it he was in complete misery. <P>Not that my husband was completely innocent either, but hindsight has me believing very firmly in words I read from Dr. Phill (on Oprah) The power to exert a positive influence on my marriage, and get the things I need comes from me. I won't change my husband, but I do have the power to exert a positive influence to get him to want to change himself. The same goes for him. You start with yourself, and make changes in the way you behave, and the rest follows.

To Fet, here goes the prey:<P>" My Saint Expedito, from the Justus and urgent causes, intercept for me together with our lord JESUS CHRIST, help me in this hour of afflict and despair, my Saint Expedito you that are a holly fighter. You that are the saint of afflict. You that are the saint of desperate. You that are the Saint of the urgent causes, protect me. Help me, gave the strength, courage and serenity. Answer my ask, "make the desire". <BR>My Saint Expedito. Help me in pass this, difficult hours, protect me from all that can prejudice me, protect my family, answer my ask with urgency. Give me back the peace and tranquility. My Saint Expedito I will be grateful for all of my life and will bring your name to all that has faith. Thank you very much. <BR>Pray one "Our father", one "Hail Mary" and make the sign of cross."<P>I hope it helps you at the same way it helped millions of people.<P>Lov <P>

Bete,<P>you are sooo right !!! It´s amazing how our stories are so close. I´m determined to change, I´ve been reading a lot and it helped me to put things in perspective. I also think he is exagerating a little bit, he left home and cut the comunication but there are lots of stressful situations in his life right now. Between us, so you think he still loves me ? I will started with counselling yesterday, he´s a man I trust a lot for years (more than 20) and my husband usually went there but misteriosly for more than a month he does not show up. The counsellor was kind of mad at him. Thanks a lot.

I post an answer for you.<BR>Lov<BR>Claudia<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by beth28:<BR><B>yep, claudia sounds right on. <BR>Talk, and do your best plan A. <P>You can do this. <P>My husband isn't much of a talker either. I thought things were pretty ok with us, but I was engaging in all kinds of critical behavior that led my husband to feel he was inadequate. When life got stressful and the angry outbursts got added on top of it he was in complete misery. <P>Not that my husband was completely innocent either, but hindsight has me believing very firmly in words I read from Dr. Phill (on Oprah) The power to exert a positive influence on my marriage, and get the things I need comes from me. I won't change my husband, but I do have the power to exert a positive influence to get him to want to change himself. The same goes for him. You start with yourself, and make changes in the way you behave, and the rest follows.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Is there any hope for my H who is in a withdrawl stage for a week ? I do want to do smething but I don´t want to be pushy and send him away from me. Is there any hope to rescue our marriage ? I spoke with him for an hour in the middle of the night (4am)and with intimacy and love, lots of love... I told him how much I appreciate him, how important he was/is for me... he said we should wait and that´s it. Besides all of this, I think he is pushing too hard, he´s overdoing it. I don´t know. Shoul I nurtue some hope?