This is where we come to say those things that don't need to be said, right? Well, I need to indulge my shallow side here so let me appologize first and offend you second.<P>Our cat died. Her cat actually because she had him before we were married. He was 18 years old. Depression feeds on depression and the old wounds start to bleed ...<P>I am 38 yo, 6' 0", 178 lbs (it's coming back up a bit) and that weight is solid, no fat. Brown eyes, light redish brown hair that turns blonde in the summer sun. In all humility I can say that I am a very handsome man. i enjoy looking sexy or my wife. I want to be someone she can show off. I want her to be proud to be seen with me.<P>My wife is not a clasic beauty. 5' 8" and 300+ lbs. She has golden blonde hair and hazel eyes which are her best features. She is actually in good shape despite being almost 200 lbs overwieght. She has a problem with her face and like a teenager, she always has 3 or 4 zits and blimishes. If she puts on makeup for a special occasion sometime, then the spots double for about a week. In a nut shell, she is fat and plain but hell in bed.<P>The dude she had the affair with about 6' 1" and 250 lbs. He is balding but has long, thick hair all over his body. Chest, back, arms legs, everywhere but that spot on the back of his head. Now with out getting to bawdy, let me put it this way; I am bigger flacid than he is erect. The sex he had with my W was manual and oral because, to be blunt, he couldn't reach!<P>AHHHHHHHH!<P>She passed me up for THIS!<BR>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!<P>If it weren't so stupid I would cry.<P>*sigh*<BR>Oh well.<P>Like I said, not something I could tell my wife. A very, VERY trivial thing that would only hurt us both.<P>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Joe}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm glad you vented here. Hey, look at it this way, you actually might feel WORSE if he was a stunning, sexy stud...<P>Sorry about your cat.<P>Hope you are feeling better after letting this out!<P>

Thanks for the hug.<P>It's a shallow, silly and asinine feeling. Mostly it was stupid of me to think no one else would see her with the same sexual desire as I do. After all physical appearance is only a fraction of any attraction.<P>W and OM had an EA long before it turned sexual and the EA is what has caused most of my hurt.<P>After all, if it had been just sex, I would not have felt so threaten by him. Few people can compete with me there. He took her away from me with an emotional bond and that is what we had holding us together. I now know that <I>our</I> emotional bond is what brought her back and is what will keep us together.<P>Maybe I'm just starting to deal with the sex thing. Maybe I'm just miffed because I wasn't invited.<p>[This message has been edited by Joe in TX (edited May 10, 2000).]

you were heard and understood!!!!<P>UGGGHHH!<BR>Hope this helps you back to the trenches.<BR>TNT

Back to the trenches, eh? Keeping a marriage together is hard work. But I have heard that if you enjoy your job then every day is a vacation.<P>Building my marriage is a job I very much enjoy

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>After all, if it had been just sex, I would not have felt so threaten by him. Few people can compete with me there.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> Glad to see your male ego hasn't been hit too hard!!! <P>Seriously, tho, I do understand what you mean...the emotional attachment, to me, is the bigger "half" of the equation. My H never went to a PA, but cut things off when he realized the emotional bond was "crossing the line"...I used to think I'd might have been better off if it had gone physical, instead of being "unrequited, unconsummated romance"...<P>Oh well, you get a few months into recovery and rebuilding with your spouse, and the importance of a lot of the details really do start to fade.

Unfortunetly or fortunetly, men find overweight women attractive. I cannot for the life of me figure out why. I used to be really over weight and men found me very attractive. It drove me nuts. YUCK, is what i thought(for me).<P>I used to think that if I stayed fat men wouldn't find me attractive. NOT. so i lost the weight. Not use in being unhealthy.<P>The biggest questions in an affair is WHY? The OM for me is 5'11 190 lbs. I like chunky men though. I found him very attractive, my husband cannnot figure out why?<P>It must be hell to think of your spouse in the arms of another man. I wouldn't stand for it(myself). especially if you are attractive and the other person isn't. the quesiotn begins again...WHY?<P>glad you could vent here.<P>meryc

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>men find overweight women attractive. I cannot for the life of me figure out why. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Physical apperance is eye candy and not much else. Sexapeal is an attitude.

Perhaps your wife sensed your attitude about her in bed, and so she was susceptible when someone else found her attractive?<P>Doesn't excuse what she's done, but it might be a wake-up call for you.<P>Maybe she knew you thought she was "hell in bed."<P>If she thought you were "hell in bed" and someone else thought you were the hottest guy around, you'd be tempted too.<P>Just something to think about...

I am sorry about your cat.<P>I have two elderly cats of my own, and even the thought of losing them makes me cry.<P>

As for WHY: the sex was a consumation of the emotional attachment. The emotional atachment was becuase I had crawled so far inside myself for several years that I would let nothing touch me. I did only those things necessary for survival. Very little contact with the family even though I lived in the same house. The only contact I had with friends was when she basically forced me to go out and "have some fun." Then the only person I cared to see at all was (drum roll please ... ) the OM.<P>I said this in another thread as well: fate has a sick sense of humor.<p>[This message has been edited by Joe in TX (edited May 10, 2000).]

Dazed, I ment she is a fantastic lover.<P>Sorry about that.

Rants over. I feel much better now, just embarassed to be upset over something so petty as the appearence of the OM.<P>I love my wife so very much. I can sit and look into her eyes for hours. She is a beutiful and desireable woman not just to me but to anyone who has met her. I always try to create the most wonderful deserts but the sweetest delicasy of all is a kiss from her. How could I have ever been such a fool to let her slip away. Now that I have her back, each day is gift to me. <P>*got a little mushy there, sorry about that.<P><BR>actually I'm not sorry, so there :P

Actually Joe, I would feel some solice (from the male ego standpoint) that you are a bigger stud then the OM. The OM in my case has a bigger you-know-what and gave my wife her first orgasm. She got drunk and had sex with him once - so did she just want sex or did she just want sex with him? Had she been missing it with him and alcohol weakened her defenses? Was I not cutting the mustard? So not only do I have to contend with the EA side but that crap as well. So consider yourself lucky that you have something that you can work on - I can't make my you-know-what get bigger.