Well, almost 6 months since the "trip" with Op coworker and the "possession". It has been 3 months since he moved out.<P>He is in counseling, and I see him coming out of the addiction every day. He is reconnecting with the kids wonderfully. He now pops in at some of the extracurricular acitivities like he used to. We have gone to sports events and recitals and sat together. <P>He has apologized. Told me he missed me on the trip and that he actually DID mean it when he told me he loved me. He has begun to reach back out to his family and to some of our friends. He seems to have some memories returning and when I bring something up that he forgot he doesn't get mad at me any more. <P>I have calmly spoken ill (re:disrespect of co-worker OP)and he doesn't defend her anymore. Op's H still calls some times with info and questions (op wanted her H to find out if my H is getting within 5 feet of me) and my H told me he is staying out of their problems. <P>The problem is we still have not talked about what the "heck" happened. He wants to go to counseling and is leaving it up to me to find a counselor which is fine. However, he said he needed a counselor to help mediate because he can't talk to me. I still have trouble with this, because we never fought and I am not a yeller or a thrower. I actually tend to be a disector. I want to get to the bottom of things. I also will start by assuming it was something I did first.<P>He comes over and calls more frequently. Most times he is affectionate. But he will want to go to his apt. after we deal with the kids and talk for a while. He has stayed here twice in the past two weeks, but does not want to be here when the kids get up. He is working less hours. <P>What is up? What if he just wants to be involved in the kids life but not work on the marraige. WHat if he still thinks he can work with OP even if he doesn't want a relationship with her??? What if there are so many fires to put out due to what has happened and how many people have been hurt or know about the situation that he wants to take the easy way out. (which has been his MO in his life!!!!)<P>I spoke with SHarley and we talked about needs and affairs. I have asked family and friends for constructive critisism and they have all said I gave him a lot...maybe too much....(and this is his family!!!!!)<P>SHarley said that the addiction of an affair occurs due to some weakness in the person and not protecting yourself. In my H's case I see some underlying depression or self confidence issues. (he has never slept well, is always sleep deprived).<P>My H told me last week the problem is IN him and has nothing to do with Op or me. <P>What kind of things can I do to rebuild our connection while he is dealing with his own issues and not living here.<P>I want to reach out more, but you know, I am so afraid of what his response might be. I have to tell you, he was always so affectionate and sensitive to me. I never felt less than him, but since this happened and he as said some incredibly hurtful things to me...I am almost leery of reaching out. Do other BS's feel this way??? WHat kinds of things do you do to get over it.<P>I sometimes ask myself "what is wrong in me that I could have trusted him, accepted him, believed in him all these years and this could still happen"

Hi too:<BR>Well, I wish I could say that my h was acting a little like your husband. I think if I were you, I would feel so hopeful. At least he comes around and you guys can talk to each other.<P>I think that if you can go to counseling together with someone there to help the two of you, that would be the best place to start. But, I really believe there is something to the fact that in order for you to be able to trust your h again, he will need to break all contact with the OP. <BR>If he wants the marriage bad enough, he will agree to do this. <P>I also feel like our h have to be the ones to want to make the marriage work again. If they don't have that sense of wanting it then I don't see it working because you will sense it in your heart that he is not totally commited to you. <P>My h attorney called my attorney the other day to discuss our case and both of them agreed that they will order a psychological evaluation on my h because of his strange behavior and because he tells them he loves me but just can't help himself when it comes to the OW. <P>I think my h is very depressed lately. Everytime I do see him it is at a distance and he totally stays away from everyone including his parents and siblings. Not sure if he is starting to miss the life he use to have. I can no longer speak to him because we just end up arguing about why this happened. He screamed at me the other day to get on with my life. <P>Today he called in sick to work. He never calls in sick. My kids told me he stopped by to pick them up anyway to drive them to school and that he looked terrible. I guess in some way I was hoping he was up all night thinking about what the heck he is doing. I say this because His sister wrote him this very long touching 5 page letter to inform him of what she went through when she was involved in an addictive relationship and just how wrong it was. Also, his mom told him she wanted nothing to do with him until he goes to get a complete physical tomake sure he doesn;t have a brain tumor or something else. (she watches to much Ally McBeal). He just has pulled away from everyone is scary. We all think he might be suicidal and that scares me. Part of me thinks that maybe he got OW pregnant and he does not know how to handle that. She did tell one fo ther friend that she wanted to get married and have another baby. I totally think she would do this to make sure she keeps a hold on him. I dont think I could handle that. I'll have to check out the new section on this site about pregnancy and OC.<P>Even if there is no hope for my marriage, I hope to god he gets the help he needs to make himself whole again.<P>Sorry for rambling on and on but I guess I just wanted you to know that I see so much hope for you in your thread. Good luck to you. I keep praying for myself and my kids.

Hey Missy, I actually think it is a good sign that your h looked terrible. You know my H pulled away from his mom and sibs also early on. He basically said they have their lives I have mine.<P>My H started to look terrible when he was crashing. Like he was coming off the "drug". He looked bad and sounded bad. When I was gone for a weekend he sounded pathetic on the phone.<P>He recently started to call his family again. I know he is missing them and he feels like a horrible person for doing this to me and the kids. <P>I worry he won't be able to figure out what to do. Maybe some counseling will help. I am afraid he is going to say, he can't handle the full time responsibility but will try to be there for the kids as much as possible. I still would take that as a cop out. <P>With mother's day coming up, I am thinking that I am truly naive myself. The 11 previous mother's days were so special thanks to him.. My MIL told me I need to enjoy MD anyway. ANd to remember that thanks to him I have 3 wonderful children. <P>That's a good thought to end on I guess.

Hi:<BR>For some strange reason I am really feeling like the OW is pregnant. I have no reason to think that other than the fact that she told one of her friends last year that she hoped to get remarried and have a baby. <BR>What better way to hold onto my husband. Perhaps that is why he has been so cold lately and wanting nothing to do with anyone. He also took the day off from work yesterday and he never ever calls in sick unless he is going to play golf. He told my kids he was up all night getting sick. <P>This frightens me so much. I don't think I can cope with this on top of everything else I am dealing with. <P>Other times I say to myself, He would never get her pregnant. He never wanted to have anymore kids. I mean she has 3 kids (teenagers) and we have 2 10 year olds. He was very satisfied and did not want to go back to those baby days. He even had a vasectomy planned but cancelled it because it was right when we seperated and he had way to much on his mind. <P>She is 40 years old and just got breast implants. I see her as someone who is really into her body so i can't imagine her wanting to get fat again. But, I would not put anything past her at all.<P>I start to try to rationalize things in my mind and I say to myself, thats why he has been acting so mean to me and telling me to get on with my life. That is also why he is pulling away from everyone. That is why she is so possesive of him. Wanting to know his every move. <P>But, then I also think that maybe the reason he called in sick is because maybe all of this is getting to him. Perhaps he is starting to realize what he did and the mistake he made. <P>In regards to counseling, I have told him from day one he needs to go. He went 2 times and then stopped. Don't think he like what counselor was saying to him. I really don;t speak to him at all so I feel if i bought up the subject again, he will just get angry. I am tired of everytime we do speak it always ending up in him getting angry at me. I am at the point where I would rather not bring up the subject of couseling so he doesn't look at me with hatred. I think I can leave that up to his family and friends to do. I would rather try to come across as his friend and try to create happy memeories of the times when we do speak. <P>I don't know what to think anymore. Part of me wants to just come out and ask him if she is pregnant and is that why you are behaving this way. But, like I said before there is absolutely no evidence to this except my imagination running wild. I think I'll keep my mouth shut..... <P>Do you think I am crazy for thinking this way? If she needs my h so bad this would be the way for her to go about making sure she will have him for good.....

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mystic77:<BR><B>For some strange reason I am really feeling like the OW is pregnant. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>ASK! The thought never occured to me that my H would get someone else pregnant. He was always very concerned about STDs. Why would he have a child with someone he didn't love, when he loved me, and was not ready for kids. Well, guess what? He did.<P>The woman was close to 40, had a child of her own already (same scenario- no dad), and was physically fit. Why would she want a kid at this stage in her life? You'd think she'd be mature by then, but she plotted and planned for a month to get my H over there when she was ovulating, and it happened the first night. Bam! (Yes, he went voluntarily and did it without a condom, but not with the express purpose of conceiving).<P>He broke it off with her after a few romps, then she started calling him telling him she was pregnant and was going to have it with or without him.<P>How did he react? He got irritable and hard to be around. He didn't want to talk, cuddle, and just couldn't stand the least bit of controversy. I can see now that it wasn't me. It was the stress of this secret.<P>I can't say what is going on in your situation. Our H's are different, but if you have that nagging feeling, I'd say it is worth checking out. Better to know now than wait until after the baby is born to find out like I did.