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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 44
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 44 |
H told me on Sun. that he would give me the password to the cellphone bill online (it is not mailed to us). He changed it when i found the calls to OW. Promises that he is just friends and is going to give me the password. How do i bring it up to him that i want it w/o LB?<P>Also - H has a business meeting tomorrow and I believe OW (who he happens to work with) will be going w/ him. How do i ask him if she'll be there w/o lbing?<P>Sam
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 2,347
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 2,347 |
Sam,<P>Remember the spouce decides what a Lovebuster is. You can minimise this by making sure when you ask you elimate disrespectful judgments and selfish demands and negotiate.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR><p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited May 10, 2000).]
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283
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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 14,283 |
How about...<P>"Hon, I love you. I am trying very hard to trust you like I did before, but it is hard for me sometimes. There's this little part of me that worries about___. I think it might help me if you would ______."
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
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Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406 |
<B>TNT</B> is so good at this...<P>"When <B>you said you'd offer your online password</B> (happens), I feel <B>so honored by your honesty</B>. I need <B>your continued honesty</B>."...<P>(similar with B-trip with OW...)<P>Check out <B>TNT</B>'s recent post... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000089.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - Do you admit the pain?</A>.<P> ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif) <P>Jim
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 44
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 44 |
thank you all for your advice. Unfortunately my H does not like to hear about my feelings. They don't really matter to him much. When i approach a topic w/ i feel - he automatically takes it as criticism (sp). He feels that my me asking him to end his friendship i am taking something away for him and that he compromises for me already (which is not the case at all). He basically rules the house w/ his plans, moods, desires, etc. (but that is an issue i'll deal w/ after i learn how to plan a and hopefully put an end to his EA)<P>Sam
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Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 1,637
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Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 1,637 |
So:<P>I have not forgotten you. I've been thinking about your situation and will mail you tonight, I promise.<P>Do NOT ask him about meetings where OW will be. This does NOT give you any control over the situation and IS a LB.<P>Same with the cell phone bill. That he has told you he'll give it to you may be a good sign.<P>Sit tight, plan A for a bit, and see what happens.<P>I have some thoughts on why your H does what he does, and will E-mail you.
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 44
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 44 |
Thank you<P><BR>Unfortunately i already lb'ed. Asked for the password and he told me he'll let me see the bill at the end of the month - this means he'll constantly go back on his word so i won't bother to ask again. I asked if she is going to be there he said no - but the truth is - i don't believe anything he says anymore he is no longer trustworthy in my tearfilled eyes.<P><BR>Sam<P><p>[This message has been edited by SoUnhappy (edited May 11, 2000).]
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