This is just an ideal....a suggestion...to help those who are trying to get through the withdrawl of breaking off contact with the infamous "OP"<BR> Realizing this is a very strong "hold" on hurting hearts, and understanding and believeing that the "TRUTH WILL SET US FREE", perhaps we could start a running list of "Truth" statements...that we could keep coming back to for <BR> ...reading...digesting...meditating on...and reminding us as often as we need.<P>I am thinking that much of the success in this has to do with "re-focusing"!<P>Let us try and keep them brief and to the point.<P>To all that have known the pain of being betrayed, betraying, breaking off contact, or just knowing the pain that a human heart can suffer...PLEASE...bring on the TRUTH.<P>And remember...we are to "speak the truth in Love"...<P>1) We made a vow to God and our spouse to "forsake all others" until death do us part.<P>2) If we really "love" the OP like we say we do, we will do what is best for them. "Love does not seek it's own way."<P>3) It may not show or be as obvious as our own pain, but our spouses are hurting also.<P>Please...begin to add to this as you see fit.

4) the "Betrayed" spouse's anger is just a sypmtom of the pain.

Remember that each betrayed's pain may have a different source. For one the lieing may be more important then the sex for another the EA may be more important then the PA. Realizing your particular situation may help you focus your efforts or understand the direction the betrayed's anger/frustration/whatever comes from. (I'm not sure if this is what you mean NoMas)

6) Accept that there is no way to avoid the pain, that is part of the process. Any way you go will be painful. Surrendering is a death and that hurts!<P>7) In acceptance lies peace. <P>8) Accept what is given AND what is not given (in the sphere God has placed us in).<P>9) God is able to do exceeding, abundantly beyond all we can ask or imagine...<P>10) I don't have to know how God is going to do something. I have to know only the one step that He is asking me to take.<P>11) Our job is obedience. Leave the consequences in the hands that were wounded for you.<P>12) God is the Giver, I am the Receiver. Am I accepting all He has given - my spouse, children, situation?<P>#7, 8, 10, 11 all from Elisabeth Elliot<P><P>------------------<BR>Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers."

13) The truth REALLY DOES set you free.

Just some more ideas to focus our minds, for those of us struggling to let go of what is not ours:<P>14) When we choose a way apart from God, nothing good can come from it. No matter how good a thing it seems to be.<P>15) God does know what we need and desire. "No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly". He does want to give us good things - and He knows best what is good for us.<P>16) God perfectly understands our struggles, needs, lonliness and pain. He is with us through it all, offering His grace, mercy, love and forgiveness. Be gentle with yourself as you struggle through the hard issues.

Siftedlikewheat, I loved your posts. They are great. Keep them coming please. I need all the uplifting and encouragement I can get!!!<P>The Truth: <B>"But Jesus looked at them and said to them, "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."</B> Matthew 19:26

1. We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success: we often discover what will do by finding out what will not do. and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery.....Samuel Smiles<P>2.Every issue, belief, attitide or assumption is precisely the issue that stands between you and your relationship to another human being: and between you and yourself. Gita Bellin<P>3. Of a certainty, the man who can see all creatures in himself, himself in all creatures, knows no sorrows.<P>4. To be upset over what you don't have...is to waste what you do have. Ken Keyes Jr.<P>5. Be not the slave of your own past--plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall explain and overlook the old...Ralph Waldo Emerson<P>6. Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother. Kahil Gibran<P>7. One may not reach the dawn save by the path of the night. Kahil Gibran<P>8. Your pain is the breaking of the shell that enclosed your understanding. Kahil Gibran<P>9. Truth does not change although your perception of it may vary or alter drastically. John St.Clair Thomas<P>10. This one is for my H. <P>If you depend on someone for your happinss, you are becoming a slave, you are becoming dependent, you are creating a bondage. And you depend on so many people: they all become subtle masters, they all exploit you in return...<P>After that one I would send him up to read slw's post!!!!

If I found a wallet filled with money and ID, I would not think twice about returning it to the owner. <P>The same goes if I found someone's car keys, personal property, or even a lost child.<P>Just because I "found" someones' wife, who was very appealing to me, gives me no right to keep her. I MUST return her, in my heart, to her husband.