membership club for sex...<P>That one would have ticked me off too. Did you express how you felt about this statement? If not... I'm trying to think of a way to approach this in an honest yet non disrespectful, non angry outburst matter. Maybe that's where the start needs to take place.<P>Maybe start with something like...<P>Honey, I realize that you are frustrated with my lack of interest in sex. I know that this is something that is very important to you. I would like to be sexual with you, but certain frustrations of mine are getting in the way. I feel lonely, disconnected, angry, hurt, unattractive, ignored etc... I would like to be touched tenderly, brought roses, told I love you when I wake up in the morning etc... These types of things make me feel loved. I understand your frustration when you told me that you would let me move my membership if I were to give you sex, but I wanted you to know that I felt used, hurt by that comment. I want to make love with you because of the wonderful man that you are, and not because I want my membership moved.<P>Anyway, write your own letter. I know sometimes it helps me to see somebody else expressing some of what I feel, and then I can adapt it to fit me. Sexual fulfillment is one of his top needs, and if you can act as if for a period of time I think he will come around to meeting your needs. (as long as you have expressed them.) If being sexual is very tough...keep trying, but work on another major need of his. Recreation? <P>I know it doesn't seem fair to be putting all this energy into meeting all of his needs and not getting much back in return. That doesn't last forever, although when your taker is screaming it really feels like it.<P>You are not alone. If Steve won't continue counseling there are other counselors. He wants to help, as do all of us. I still believe in total honesty, but I know you have to make that decision for yourself. When you do I will say a silent little way to go, Jill. If it takes awhile I will try my best to hold your hand, and be a friend. Take the steps you're ready for. Work towards the bigger ones. <P>Anyway, glad to see your husband told you what a wonderful person you are. You deserve to hear it.

beth28:<P>Thanks for offering your advice. I really do appreciate your insight and encouragement.<P> <P>Jill<P>