As I posted before. The cat is out of the bag. My parents found out about his affair over the weekend. My mom finally came out and asked me and I told her the truth. <P>Obvously they want to see him fry and of course they both "Knew he would do this to me some day".<P>Will my parents have to go through all the same steps of recovery toward my H that I have tried to go through (and have failed by the way). <P>Our marriage has been doing really badly again anyway, but this added factor has made me want to through up my hands and give up. I just can't handle all this anymore. I would gladly put him and our marriage behind me in order to experience one day of happiness. <P>It has been 2 years. 2 years of my closing in on middle age life have been wasted with pain and work. Add that to 16 years of an unhappy marriage even before he had his 1 year affair.<P>I want to stop working and have someone work to win me for a change. My parents would go to the ends of the earth for me. My H couldn't even stay faithful.<P>I am so tired.

my mom could kill my H, and she only knows the bare bones details of the first 5 months of the affair, not all the crap that has continued for the 2 years after that!<BR>but, she has managed to grin and bear it and be polite to him...<BR>parents DO come around, just don't tell them anymore than you have to.<BR>don't worry, the anger DOES eventually fade somewhat. i promise.

Your parents have the right to be upset, but remember, he didn't do anything to THEM. His marital offense is to YOU. If you love him, want the marriage to work, then they should accept that, and it is also not up to them to "forgive" for once again, the offense is not to them, it is to you.<P>My H actually asked my parents' forgiveness and the above is my 70 year old mother's thoughts on the phone call. She's also a deaconess at her church, so I trust her judgement...besides being my mom <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

oh, and my dad was an angel (he was married to someone we ALL hated, and his first 2 wives are great friends), he told me it was MY life, and he would support whatever it was that made me happy, and it IS my life to to what i want with, anyway.<BR>your folks just want you not to hurt, just understand that.

My parents feel the offense was against them becuase it was against me.<P>I am still so unhappy after 2 years and he still acts so inconsiderate and selfish. <P>They keep telling me that they can't stand to see me so mistreated and so unhappy.

Great topic. Im really interested in parents reactions as well, and look forward to more posts. In my case, I finally told my H's mother about his affair after a long time and all she said was "oh dear" and that was about it. Has never spoken to him about it, no fallout, nothing. I was shocked! My counselor says she has never set any boundaries for her son, and also had a hard life herself so she wasnt shocked or really upset by the news.<BR>I think your parents also feel the betrayal and so will have to go through similar stages (anger/sadness/etc) to get to some sort of acceptance. Try and make it clear to them you need their support. Im sorry you are so tired,after so long it must be terrible to have to now go through it all again now your parents know. <p>[This message has been edited by azure (edited May 14, 2000).]

I never told my mom. Of course, she knew he LEFT (we live about a mile from her and I was falling apart), but she never knew why.<P>I'm pretty private (nobody laugh here, ok? ) and she didn't ask any questions. She's pretty used to me and knows that if there are things I want her to know, I'll volunteer them, otherwise, no questions. She did break down and ask a leading question just once and I just told her that, though I loved her very much, it was too private to share with her. That was the end of it.<P>I figure she suspected....but I never confirmed. She pumped my daughter a bit and Kristin politely told her that was b/n me and Robert. <P>Anyway, she's doing well with him. She loved him, too and her heart was broken when we split. It was, uh, interesting at first (they HAD been pretty close), but it's warming up and yesterday's Mother's Day lunch at my house (for BOTH moms) went very well. Their relationship is slowly returning to normal.<P>Our parents want us happy. If our spouses show that they are dedicated (and it does take time) and we are happy, our parents will come around most of the time.<P>Love and prayers,<P>Lori<p>[This message has been edited by lostva (edited May 15, 2000).]

I panicked when I received the "anonymous letter", so the first people I called were my parents (who are divorced). The first few days, my mom wanted me to go through the nastiest divorce she could conjur up in her head, my dad said you'll do what you need to do, whichever way you think is best, I'll support it.<P>So, after about a week, my H took his mother out to lunch, told her everything and apologized to her, called my dad and apologized to him, then called my mom to apologize to her. Wow!<P>My mom is "now so proud to call him my son in-law". Even sent him a card saying that he has her full support and she even admires him for what he is doing (he also quit drinking dday). My dad is very happy with our decision.<P>So, I'm glad I told them. I could not not have told them. I'm an only child, and they know everything about me. They are my best friends.<P>I think my H is now closer to his mom (who just keeps thanking me and telling me she loves me everytime I see her), my mom, and my dad. I finally feel like we both belong in each other's families.<P>--purplemag