I've been reading posts on this site for a few weeks now. I have posted a couple of times myself and gotten the boost I needed everytime. It seems, though, that this last couple of days have found a lot of people to be very low and hurting. I, too, have been feeling very sad and lonely these last few days. I realized, yet again, though, that it is me that needs to bring myself out of this slump! A few weeks ago my H finally started showing signs that tells me my Plan A is working. My attitude at that time was extremely positive and people were noticing (including my H). My attitude began changing for the worse about a week and a half ago. I started getting that awful feeling I had during the time immediately after my H left our home and began staying with the OW. I don't like that feeling and I don't like the fact I'm getting depressed. Plan A is about changing ourselves. It's about looking into ourselves, finding what we don't like and changing it. For me it was just a bad attitude. My H didn't marry me for the person I had become. He married me for what I was - a very positive, vibrant, highly motivated woman. Sometime during our marriage I became this extremely angry, resentful B****. My reasons for allowing this to happen were very selfish ones and I blamed my H. Yes, there were things he did that would be considered major LBs but we should have taken them time to talk about things rather than allowing the LBs to continue. I realize that now. I can't change what has happened in the past but I can learn from it and move on. I've told my H I have no intention of making the same mistakes again and I am proving it to him and myself. I'm doing it because it makes me feel good and I know I am a better person for it. It just so happens, too, that my H likes it as well. I continue to work on bettering my relationship with my H. At this time that means I am working on the friendship we once had. I know it's working too because he does a lot of things that tells me he wants to be with me even if he is spending his nights with her. I remind myself daily that this is about baby steps. Baby steps that need to and are moving forward. It took time for my marriage to fall apart and it will take time to build it back up again. I know I am learning many things from all of this as well as teaching others to find their strength within (just as I am doing). I hope that all of you are doing the same. Something that I try to think of daily that may help you as well - God is not giving us anything we cannot handle. Learn from what has happened and is happening. Put your trust in God and in yourself!<P> <P>------------------<BR>Molli

<BR> WELL SAID MOLLI THANKS I NEEDED THAT! <BR> My W just told me today "I don't know why you keep trying to fix this, it's over"<BR> She of course, has been doing things that made me believe this BUT this was the first time she actually said it. It made me mad and hurt at the same time. <BR> Thanks for you're words though they helped. <P>GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK

Thanks Molli,<BR> I needed to hear this too, I am struggling right now. I wonder why H doesn't want to make the effort to do anything with me, and then I look to myself. I just need to see one of those baby steps though to keep me going. I guess I am not stong enough yet to be a stong and happy person in the face of his negative attitude.<BR>Lora

wow! that really was a reminder to me! i will be the person I want to be, and if he wants me, that's cool, and if not, it's MY life, I have to live it, and it might as well be good!<BR>thank you

Dear Molli<BR>Such words of encouragement that all of us in this most challenging stage,plan A,need.<BR>It helps so much to know that out there are people who we can identify with,more than all the friends,parents and family members who can do more harm,unintentionally, than good ..<BR>I salute any one who has the stamina,the selflessness,the endurance and the patience to continue to provide love,support and comfort to a spouse who perseveres in betraying and hurting the other.I find myself faltering many times,raging battles that take place within me;fighting the part that says :let him go,give up and leave him, and the other side that says:Keep calm,weather the storm,BE PATIENT,and you shall be rewarded...<P>I find myself constantly nodding my head in agreement to a lot that is said here on this board,it is amazing how similar we homo sapiens are when it comes to emotions like love,jealousy,betrayal..and how eeringly similar are the motions that those love -struck spouses of ours go through...<P>Time and patience...two friends that very often turn to foes...It is all what it takes..SO SO Simple..just two concepts..time and patience and everything shall be allright..But aren't we all calculating and counting days since discovery,since the affair,...I count the days each day ,saying to myself,ok I passed the 6 months post discovery date..H still shows no signs of giving her up,the affair has NOT died a natural death..do I go to plan B..Shall I give it another couple of months? As if by setting my own frametime I have more control of a situation that is uncontrollable.. <BR> <BR>For all of you in the agony called plan A,with spouses moving back and forward between us and their OP's,I salute you and ask you ,like me,to find the internal peace and strength that we all desperately need to pull through this one...WE CAN DO IT

Molli, <P><BR>You said so easily and simply what I have been doing and trying to explain to a few of the people on this site who are struggling with Plan A. You are so right Plan A is about us. Its about being a better person and making a better relationship whether that is with our current spouse or with another person that in time we will fall in love with. It's about growing a better person within ourselves.<P>I applaud you for saying it so nicely and I hope Jim makes it a notable post. Thank you very much I believe you will lift the lives or everyone who reads it. Time and patients are not the foe they are the friend. If you continue to do a great Plan A you will develop patients and if that takes some time the affair our spouses are having will more than likely die.<P>Thank You!!!<P>Love and Prayers for All!!<P>J W

Very well put Molli !!!<P>My H won't give up OP... I've passed the 6 month discovery date.... now is is talking how he is going to bring in a realtor to sell the house....... so how do you continue Plan A/B... when all he talks of is divorce...????........s