Ok I don't know if this is going to be taboo or not to get into this, but I am needing to know if anyone else has dealt with this. <P> My H told me for a month that his 2week fling with OW never resulted in orgasm.(FOR HIM AT LEAST, LIKE MOST MEN DID NOT KNOW ABOUT HER) Finally after me having to lie, and say I had talked to her (which I still have never done, possibly tonight.) <BR>He finally admitted that he had only once and it was through oral. SO I am supposed to believe that they only had sex 3 times, and the other 2 times he just could not do it so it ended badly. <BR> I have heard you guys talk about that sex in and EMA is the best, well he says exactly the opposite. Could this be true. OR have any of you found out later that them saying, "NO ORGASM" was a lie???? I just want to know if once againg I having the wool pulled over my eyes. <BR> SOrry again if this is too personal, this is just not the kind of question I can ask MOM. LOL<P>------------------<BR>God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P>

I just replied to your other topic and now I am going to reply to this one. First of all define this EMA thing for me please.<P>You are driving yourself crazy honey and you really do need to stop. Don't call the OP it will be a mistake!<P>As far as the sex thing... it really doesn't matter whether he had an orgasm or not. What I am hearing from you is a fear that maybe she was better than you are and that is normal I know I felt the same way but I will let you in on something... she wasn't!!<P>Want to know why? Well, I was told once by a very wise man that the OW in my H's life would not be able to satisfy him the way I could because I had a whole lot more knowledge as to what he liked and dislike than she did.<P>After my H and I reconciled this very conversation came up and guess what that wise old man was right on the money!!!<P>My guess is that your H is trying to not cause anymore pain for you than he can see that you are already in. Although lies cause a big breakdown in trust he is only trying to protect you from more pain because he cares about you.<P>And keep this in mind also, you must play by the rules if you expect him to and lying to him about talking to her is not a good example to be setting. Don't use trickery to get the info you think you need, because you really do not need those kind of details. <P>Concentrate on the here and now and leave this OP in the past where she belongs.<P>Please please please, you have to pull it together.<P>Genie

Thank you Genie for your post. The words you said about the wise man really hit me. You are right! It is just so hard, I feel like If I find out one more lie then I will just leave. Not that I can even convince myself that life without H would be better Just less pain. Not having to look into his eyes everyday. Oh you know what I mean. <BR> EMA means Extra Marital Affair.<P>------------------<BR>God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P>

my spouse told me after the confession that they had been angry with me because sex was better with me and they thought that it should be better in an affair. i said, why would someone totally unfamiliar with you be able to please you like someone who has been working on it for several years? duh. just remember, sex starts hours before with the caring and love bank deposits you make. also , the quickies and car sex can't possibly beat the nights when you can take your time and really please each other all night if you want.<P>just my view...but reluctantly supported by my spouses experience!<P>------------------<BR><P>

Your H maynot be lieing. My H told me the first encounter, he was unable to orgasm. He said he felt too guilt and it was just too foreign.<P>The next encounter about a week later also ended the same way.<P>Finally on the third encounter he did, but it was also orally.<P>He said he had trouble until his conscience was harded, then he admitted it was more intense than anything he had ever experienced.<P>I was naive before his affair and did not got to the lengths or have the knowledge that I have now. I let him have sex with me instead of making love to each other.<P>Of course this hurts and I still feel he is comparing us, or using her memory to heighten his excitement. I also feel bad for all the years I could have been making him feel better and that possibly might have kept him from straying.

Hi Essyboo,<BR> sorry if this is too personal, but what do you mean by<BR> "I let him have sex with me instead of making love to each other."<P>WHat does that mean???<P>------------------<BR>God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P>

Dear SS,<P>My H claims that he couldn't get hard when OW went for IT. I don't think that I believe him. She was a 19 year old, very experienced and pretty bimbo (oh he said that she had a mind) He is a 45 year old, graying dad that could probably benifit from Viagra if he chooses to have another encounter with a 19 year old tot. I think conditions were too grand for him to not get hard and perform. I am certainly not 19 (thank goodness). My H had been lying to me for so long, meeting her in secret, that it is hard to believe that he couldn't perform due to guilt.

I think what Essybo is trying to say here is that she did not participate much. It is possible to just lay there while he does his thing, if you know what I mean. A willing participant is much more fun.

That is a lot of what I mean. I didn't turn him away. He didn't know how to prepare me. We were totally ignorant. I had never achieved orgasm even after 13 years of marriage. That was part of what he said led to his adultery. I was his only partner ever and he couldn't satisfy me so he began to wonder if it was him. He also wanted to experience sex with someone who enjoyed it.<P>It wasn't torture for me, but we truly didn't know how to do it right.<P>What makes me angry is that he didn't really change his approach much after he started his affair. He was still a very selfish lover.<P>We both have improved a lot in that area recently. It actually took reading some "How Too" books. Pretty sad huh?