Would your spouse love you if you were doing exactly what they are doing?<P>I will start with an unequivocal NO! Even though we are getting along much better than we were at this time last year.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Not the W I knew...<BR>...before the affair. <P>Jim

since i was accused of sleeping with his best friend, and that was the "reason" he got physical with OW, i'd have to say "no", and i don't think he has for a looooong time, based on assumptions. sad.

If I acted the way my H did with me, when he was involved in his affair....he probably would have left me.<P>I have asked him this in the past, and he says that he wouldn't leave me. Somehow, I don't believe him. I don't think he realizes the extensive pain that I've felt because of his alcoholism and betrayal. I truly don't think that he could tolerate it. He is a major conflict avoider and in the past, ran away from problems....

Not a chance. But somehow it is OK for her.

I have asked this question. She said she would have kicked me out on day 1.<P>I wonder if this is what she would do or if this is what she wants (or expects) me to do - even now. <P>I have had a suspicion that she wants out of the marriage, but not to be the one responsible for making that decision. So by telling me that that's what she would do I think she is baiting me.<P>I haven't taken the bait. Does this make me a hero...or a fool?<P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23<p>[This message has been edited by 2sad4words (edited May 16, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by 2sad4words:<BR><B>I have asked this question. She said she would have kicked me out on day 1.<P>I wonder if this is what she would do or if this is what she wants (or expects) me to do - even now. <P>I have had a suspicion that she wants out of the marriage, but not to be the one responsible for making that decision. So by telling me that that's what she would do I think she is baiting me.<P>I haven't taken the bait. Does this make me a hero...or a fool?<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I was told the same thing with her first affair. I know she expected me to divorce her because I told her I would if she ever cheated on me. When I finally crossed that bridge, God asked me to do otherwise just like He asked me to marry her and to love her unconditionally as He loves us all in spite of our continued disobedience. <P>He opens our eyes gradually. I am still with her because I know why He asked me to marry her: to be the physical example of His love for her right now.<BR><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

My bet is No! She probably would have taken the boys and split. She told me that she has wanted out for a long time even before the affair but couldn't do it. She said she was too committed to our marriage to leave (that's almost funny!).<P>2Sad - Don't take the bait! Whether hero or fool is not for us to judge. It only matter what's in your heart. I feel like neither right now and both at times.

No one knows what they would do until they are in that situation. I always said that if my H cheated on me that it would be over in a heart beat. I now am eating those words. It's so easy to speculate. The hardest thing to do is to swallow pride and follow God's plan for our lives-hardest that is in the short run. His ways are not our ways. His ways are ALWAYS the best. If we keep our eyes on Him rather than the situation and let Him handle it, life is so much easier.

Well, no 2 situations are exactly alike...but he loved and trusted me after I was unfaithful...except 8 years later he had his own affair...as he says, not a payback or revenge, just made easier because I had done it to him.<P>Betrayed hurts worse than betraying. And the longer the cycles continue...the more pain there is for both.

Amen to that one Lor, it is definitely painful.....<P>The answer to your question Rob? Life aint fair.

I would have to say no. I don't think she would.<P>2sad4words:<BR>"I haven't taken the bait. Does this make me a hero...or a fool?<P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23"<P>I would think that your .sig answers your question.<P>professorg:<BR>"When I finally crossed that bridge, God asked me to do otherwise just like He asked me to marry her and to love her unconditionally as He loves us all in spite of our continued disobedience."<P>I had the same experience except my revelation was a slap in the face not a gradual thing. Now obeying is a different story.... <P><BR>

In spite of my husband's view on where I stand, I would have to say yes - I would still love him and I am pretty sure would have an easier time accepting than he has. He knows I have a different view completely on our situation.<P>As far as trying to get over all of the lying I did if the situation were reversed - I really don't know if I could take it. Then again I don't think I would have asked in the first place and if I had, I probably wouldn't have set him up to lie. I would have (and always do) just lay out what I know and ask him what it means.<P>Anyway... I've recently been informed that I lack problem-solving skills, communication skills, devotion, maturity, etc... so that probably has something to do with my opinion.<P>------------------<BR>"I believe... this is heaven to no one else but me - and I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence if I choose to would you try to understand?" - Sarah McLachlan

thenewbie<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I would think that your .sig answers your question.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>...touche...<P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23

I remember bringing the subject of opposite sex friends up with him, and although I haven't kept up with any of my male friends since college, he asked if I still had feelings for one.<P>There was a look in his eye like a deer caught in the headlights. <P>Guess that answers my question about it.

Don't listen to Monen she is just a "Junior Member" :P

Welllll... SOME people have business to take care of and can't be posting stuff all over the place all the time becoming "Members". So there. <P>------------------<BR>"I believe... this is heaven to no one else but me - and I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence if I choose to would you try to understand?" - Sarah McLachlan

She probably would of left right off,since I don't think she was all that committed to begin with.The funny thing is,when she cheated on me,I was cast out of her family.If I had cheated on her,not only would I had been cast out of her family(again),but my family probably would have disowned me for doing that to her. --Murph

Good Morning Everyone,<P>My husband (firestorm) and I are trying to recover from his affair of 10 months ago. We are doing okay right now.<P>Would he still love me if I was the one who had the affair? Absolutely!!<P>Would he be able to forgive? In time, yes.<P>Would our marriage have survived if I had been the unfaithful one? I don't think so.<P>I don't think affairs automatically destroy the love between two people, but often one or the other just can't deal with the pain and hard work that recovery requires. It also seems that many times extramarital relationships are "exit affairs" anyway and just an excuse for the breakup.<P>This experience has been the most horrible, painful thing that I have ever endured. But I continue to love my husband very deeply. Have my feelings changed? Oh, yes indeed. The lack of trust, faith, and security and the disappointment have taken their toll on our feelings. But the love is still there, as I told him just the other day, it is hiding behind my broken heart.<P>All of us who come here, betrayed and betrayers, are suffering but obviously committed to marriage. And who wants to work this hard and suffer this much without love? It makes this all worthwhile!<P>Peppermint<p>[This message has been edited by peppermint (edited May 17, 2000).]

Peppermint,<BR>I agree with the love still being there because REAL LOVE is much, much, much more than the in love feeling which is often refered to when the word love is used.<P>We have to keep in mind that love seeks the other person's best interest no matter the cost just as Jesus died on the cross to reconcile us to God. I know that the reason I still love my W is because I am selfish in a SELFLESS way (i.e., I get my reward (my selfishness) from knowing that I have put her first and because my reward is in heaven and not in this world.)<P>I never looked for her to make me happy. I was happy before I got into the relationship. God has given me the strength to endure this because He wants my W to see that it is God who is loving her through a weak broken vessel like me. He gets all the glory, honor, and praise.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net