my husband has had an affair.he says its over first he wanted out of the marriage then last week he finally came back to our bed at night no intamacy until last night he is still distant at times and won't put his wedding band back on the only thing i get when i ask him to is he don't deserve it or he just shakes his head .i have told him i love him unconditionally and with no regrets. i feel deep down he still loves me but is ashamed of what he did and full of guilt.i am really trying to hang in there . i love him and want my marriage alive .any advice would be appreciated.

Welcome <B>liz43</B>...<P>I so sorry you have had to come here...<BR>...but for you... this will be the best place on earth!<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>To follow all of the advice that will be offered to you here on this forum...<BR>...get the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>.<P>Start on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> immediately... that includes not telling your H "i love him unconditionally and with no regrets"... but <B>showing</B> him you do!<P>Until you get the book... a few quotes (with links on this site to help you)...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Plan A: Avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3401_angry.html" TARGET=_blank>angry outbursts</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3402_disrespect.html" TARGET=_blank>disrespectful judgments</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3404_selfish.html" TARGET=_blank>selfish demands</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3403_annoy.html" TARGET=_blank>annoying behavior</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3405_dishonesty.html" TARGET=_blank>dishonesty</A> (i.e. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>!) at all costs. (page 75 of SAA)...<B>and</B> at the same time, if your spouse would let the you, you should try to meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>. (page 77 of SAA) i.e. ...<BR><OL TYPE=1><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3305_aff.html" TARGET=_blank>Affection</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3310_sex.html" TARGET=_blank>Sexual Fulfillment</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3315_conv.html" TARGET=_blank>Conversation</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3320_rec.html" TARGET=_blank>Recreational Companionship</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3325_hon.html" TARGET=_blank>Honesty and Openness</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3330_att.html" TARGET=_blank>An Attractive Spouse</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3335_fin.html" TARGET=_blank>Financial Support</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3340_dom.html" TARGET=_blank>Domestic Support</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3345_fam.html" TARGET=_blank>Family Commitment</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_ad.html" TARGET=_blank>Admiration</A></OL><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Please do read my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>... it helps!<P> <P>Jim... the Welcome Wagon

liz,<P>Soon you will be greeted my some people that will help you. They are very wise and please read what they reccomend and read all the posts on here that you have time for.<P>You will see many similar situations here, and it is painful to read them sometimes, but every now and then you will find some answers by understanding there are many of us out there that are going through this too.<P>Yes, he is full of guilt. Let him talk this through with you. You can not absolve him of his guilt though. With my H, he is trying to work that through himself, and I can not help him with that process. I do listen a lot and remember that his is a human being, with faults and only he can work out his crisis within himself.<P>Please keep reading, keep posting. You sound like you have been doing the right things so far.<P>Now (pity-party time) I have to go wake up my children and they will see what their father has taken from our home this morning to his new apartment. Tonight will be his first night there. Please pray that they can handle this.