he won't talk about guilt says he feels none but acts like he does lately its as if he is always mad and nasty to me.don't know how to handle this.it hurts i've already told him i love him unconditionally and without any regrets.i kiss him .i even went as far as starting to arouse him.had sex but he seemed cold.that is when he started getting nasty any advice please.i'm trying so hard

Usually the WS treats the betrayed spouse badly to make themselves for better about what they are doing. In other words, he has to make himself think badly of you so that he can say "See, that is why I am unfaithful". It is part of the guilt. They don't want to believe that they are the bad guy in this. They have to come up with some excuse for their behavior, and what better way than to blame the betrayed spouse.

Liz,<P>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> ($85US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A>!<P>...if not for both of you...<BR>...then you need to start for yourself!<P>Have you begun on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>? yet?<P> <P>Jim

Liz:<P>I don't know your situation, but it sounds like you're trying too hard. If he is in the early stage of the affair or in withdrawl he will not be there for you and pushing won't help. Take your cues from him and what works. The next time you try an overture he might be more receptive. <P>Don't expect miracles, cause they usually don't happen. It took time to get into this mess and it will take take to get out. <BR>I know I did some things wrong because I expected too much too soon. But I have things to learn and "miles to go before I sleep." <P><BR>Buffy<BR>

i am trying to apply a but i'm really not sure if it's over.he won't talk about it.i know he has feelings for her and she said she loved him but she is back with her husband and my life is a mess.I show him i have full trust in him.but it's hard when he won't open up.i can't afford the phone sessions either he has money money very tight for me.i am beginning to believe he doesn't love me just like he said then other times it shows in his eyes.

I understand what you're going through, although I didn't go as far as you did. My H went from loving one day to cool, cold, and nasty the next?! I didn't understand where all of that was coming from. He was building distance more and more each moment and wavering back and forth from nice to ugly. It's as if I didn't even know this person before my eyes! It's true, the WS is trying to make themselves feel better about what they are doing and not feel the guilt that they have. Fortunately, my H said it was him and not me, and didn't say unkind things, just treated me harshly for no apparent reason! When I finally confronted him about the possibiity of being interested in someone else, he admitted it. He also said, "Why do I have to be the bad guy?" He also cried and apologized for the way he handled things, but he still left and is seeing OW now. Except for one email, I haven't heard from him at all. It hurts sooooo bad!<P>My heart goes out to you! I've been there and still going through this dismal turmoil! H has been out since 5/1, and I have been a basket case. My mother-in-law has been staying with me because we are very close and concerned for me.<P>Cling to friends, talk it out with anyone who will listen. I talked so much, I don't know who I've told what or if I've repeated myself. <P>This isn't going to mean much because all of this is new to you, I know it didn't mean anything when I first found out. But, please, take care of yourself (body, mind, and soul). Think positively and be someone he will want to come back to. Believe in your love for each other and hang out, it's a roller coaster ride of emotions. It's not easy, but each day you'll get stronger!<P>Take care!

thank you i guess you really do understand.i need for my marriage to work and i hope it does,again thank you it's nice to know that i'm not alone