My H worked in the ER yesterday and his OW works in the registration office a few doors down in our local hospital. Our friend is a nurse there as well.<P>Yesterday she calls to tell me that my husband is still chasing this woman all over the hospital (he moved out on May 2 to try and get over her). Our friend confronted him and when asked when he was going to decide who he wanted he told her he was waiting for one of us to decide for him.<P>He also tells friend, when asked, that he could see us back together and happily married. She asked if he could see himself married to OW and being happy and he said "sometimes". He told friend that he believed that leaving me would be harder on me than what he's doing now.<P>I have been plan Aing my little butt off. He tells me that he wants to stay married to me. We spent Monday buying camping and boating equipment just like we'd be spending the summer with our children together.<P>Am I ready for plan B? Should I force him to make a decision? If he is still chasing this OW then how will she ever give up on him? I've become very mental in the last 12 hours since I found out what he said. I'm afraid I can't handle knowing what his plan was. He's been lying to me about trying to get over her. Should I take the risk that he might actually make the decision. <P>BTW: this affair was discovered on March 19, 2000 and was only sexual since January. Do you think it will end soon. Someone please help me understand.

No one can make his decision except him. If he is waiting for some action from either of you that will sway him one way or the other, I think he is way off the mark. No matter what either of you do or don't, the commitment has to come from his heart. If he is relying on some outside force to give him that, it's not going to be real or lasting, I don't think.

You have to decide. I'm not a Plan B fan - doesn't fit my personality. I think I would've Plan A'd until divorce if it had come to that.<P>If he can see himself happily married to you, then your Plan A is working. Don't give up on something that's working! Give it time to do it's thing!<P>That's my 2 cents.<P>Lori<P>Oh, you never know how long. It's different for different people.

Sounds like he is still very confused...but he can see himself happily married to you (and can only sometimes say the same about OW).<P>Most of these things die a natural death. Keep up Plan A. Go camping as a family. Ignore OW...she's not your problem, his "fog" is...<P>Be good to yourself...don't forget that a lot of Plan A is about being the best "you" you can be...not just being nice to him.<P>Hang in there--<P>Kathi

Thank you so much for your replies. I feel especially blessed to hear from Lori. I've been reading your posts and draw strength from your story. <P>I sit here crying unctrollably from fear and depression. I will try my best to be loving because I do still love him. I am not a ready for plan B yet I don't think. I hope he comes out of the "fog" before I slip into somewhere I can't get out of. I know plan A is working to change me too, but sometimes it's hard to concentrate.<P>I will keep praying the fog lifts and please keep praying for me and for my H and my children.

I think you are doing great in an incredibly stressful situation.. so first off.. give yourself a pat on the back!!!<P>I am not surpised that he is waiting to see what happens but I agree that isa cop out. he has to choose. If the circumstances seem right you should tell him that.. Don't be confrontational about it.. don't give him any ultimatums or deadlines.. Just let him know that it is his choice to make and that you refuse to make it for him. If you guys are not in counseling ,may I suggest that you go at least... a counselor can help keep you centered and strong through this stressful time! Good Luck and hang in there you are doing great!