I want a girlfriend.<P>I want someone I can talk to about anything or nothing at all. I want someone who won't hold it against me if I say mean things about my wife. Someone I can run off for the weekend with a couple times a month, not just for sex but that would be welcomed if it happened. I do want someone to have wild passionante sex with, but not to often that it looses the passion. I want someone I can be spontanious with and who will indulge me from time to time just because she wants me to feel good and nothing more.<P>I want what my wife had. I wish I could get it from my wife, but it just ain't happening.<P>God help me.<P>I want to be a betrayer.

Oh no you don't! You might think that you do. You might think that it would feel great. You're indulging in fantasy and fantasy is what it is. <P>Have you read the posts from betrayers on this site who are in great pain because of it? Read some of what NoMas has written. <P>The betrayer's side of the fence hurts too.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I want someone I can talk to about anything or nothing at all. I want someone who won't hold it against me if I say mean things about my wife. <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I can't remember, have you tried counseling? How about a male friend?<P>You need to get past this Wednesday thing. Find something fun and positive to do on Wednesdays to reclaim the day as just another day of the week. What's your favorite thing to do? (Sex doesn't count) Go do it. Take a little time to pamper yourself. Ask yourself "What can I do to make me feel good today?" One caveat - Make sure you answer with something that won't cause you greater pain down the road.<P>Have you read John Gray's Mars/Venus book? One of the best chapters in that is where he discusses his Love Letter technique for dealing with unpleasant feelings. It helps you to move through the feelings without getting stuck. You write down what you feel about your spouse, but you express 5 emotions, not just one. you start with anger, then move to hurt, then to fear, then regret, and finally love. You always end it with feelings of love. You don't have to share it with anyone, but it sometimes helps if you do.<P>Maybe you should give it a shot. Write a letter like that to your wife. You don't have to give it to her. The idea is to get in touch with what your own feelings are and move through them. Right now, you're stuck on anger. Get yourself unstuck.

Hey Joe in TX,<P>You want what most want. Your spouse to be your lover. It does sound like a lot of fun doesn't it? <P>Sounds like it is time to have a talk with the W again. Maybe she can come up with something cunning for you.<P>Take care,<BR>JL

Hey Joe,<P>I know how you feel. My H used to talk so longingly about the excitement and passion he felt for his OW (I know it was cruel for him to tell me these things, I put up with so much from him after I found out about his affair and while he was in "Withdrawal" I hate that phrase).<P>I want that feeling of excitement and passion. I want love without fear and love without pain. I want to feel love for my spouse again and not this terrible ambivolence and guarded protection that I feel now.<P>My marriage has become such a time consuming job. Marriage shouldn't be physically and emotionally taxing and exhausting. Marriage should include love and it no longer does for me.<P>I want to live my life with a smile on my face and be able to look at the world without the grayness that has consumed my perception of the world for the past 2 years.<P>Every couple I see I wonder which one is being unfaithful. He's bound to be running around on her, look, she's overweight. My world has become ugly. It is my reality now.

Hey Joe...<BR> I agree 100% (only, change GF to BF, for me, pls ).<P> I just keep reminding myself that I really don't want someone new...I want these things with my H.<BR> <BR> Right now, my marriage is getting better, but it still feels like work, and I get a little tired of work from time to time. I get a little envious of happy lovers...<P> I will get there, I'm pretty sure. Judging from your other posts, I think you will get there too. Meanwhile, we & our spouses (spice?) need to have all the fun we can in the midst of all the work.<P> Find something fun you can do with your wife. Take her away for a passinate weekend...try something new and silly in bed...do something spontaneous yourself...maybe she'll be inspired. <P> Hang in there!<P>Kathi