Well I finally just did it. SHe did give me an apology and told me how sorry she was that she was a christian and felt so bad. But then proceded to tell me that I was being made a fool of that she was not his first. That a year ago she found out he did it then. <BR> I called him to come home from work and I knew he would deny it ( why bother) but I said that was it and I would not stay for 2. Or who the H**l knows maybe more. <BR>Instead of turning to me in love and being supportive since all he has done is shown himself to be a liar he jumped right back at me with sarcasm. Said fine I will not live the rest of my life being accused. I said I will not be made the fool of that everyone in town knows about. WHatever, I feeel like I am losing my mind. I have loved him so much and for what. LIES LIES LIES> Whatever I am done. I give up. Unless a major miracle happens between now and tom. night I am out.....<P>------------------<BR>God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P>

SMS,<P>Read post on ThisAlexs thread. It changed my whole perspective.<P>Genie has injected this forum with a much needed dose of hope.<P>Also DON'T FORGET:God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P>I love the Psalms. I get great encouragement in them.<P>Keep Your Faith, God is in control,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Secret, I just need to know why you actually believed this woman? I know you probably don't think she would lie to you for any good reason, but maybe the jealousy of knowing he picked to stay with you. I don't know weather your H did or did not have more than one affair, but you need to realize that you just believed the partner of his crime in telling you something that mean and intimate a detail.<BR>I would definately make sure she isn't lying as well before I started accusing him, it might be just what she wanted you to do! <BR>God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

chick's may be right! OW could have tossed another possible OW into the mix to confuse and anger you, AND deflect some of the blame off her own shoulders! Just might have been an outright lie.<P>Be careful. Think hard about what you really want to do, and what's most important. (and no more contact with the OW!!!)<P>Sending you warm thoughts. Good luck!

Hey Secret,<P>I understand the pain that you are going through right now and I am very sorry. The lies take over these spouses of ours and one finds it hard wading through what is true or not true.<P>OW was hurt by your H. He choose you over her. Could she be plotting revenge? Even if she is not, your husband did these things in the past when he was BAD H. He has now voweled to be GOOD H and has showed you in many ways that he wants to make it up to you. Yes, you have to deal with the fact that maybe he made two mistakes instead of one, but the motivational truth is that he wants to change and that means his whole past. Let him get over his defensiveness and try to sort the truth out without too many LB (i know, easier said than done) <P>Good luck. I hope things will work out to benefit you and your family.

Secret---<P>As much as I hate to say this, you need to apologize to your H. So the OW gave you an apology, was it worth it because she also ripped your heart out too.<P>My H's OW did the exact same thing. Even though she decided so she said that she didn't want him she shure didn't want to loose him to me eiher.<P>Your H made a mistake, a big mistake but if you love him and yOu want your marriage to work in the end, then you have to PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!!!!!<P>I know this is hard on you, but it is also hard on your H. He is dealing with guilt and shame of his own and it sounds like to me he is trying very hard to help you but it does get very hard for him too.<P>Maybe there is a little vindictive part that believes that he should after all you have suffered but that isn't love! We all have to give into the little devil in ourselves sometimes but not when is is counterproductive to ourselves.<P>Don't you feel worse now than you did befolre your called? That is proof it was counterproductive. I tortured myself the same way and I'm telling you it is not worth it!!!<P>If your H is trying as hard as you said he was, then take him at face value, trust is not possible I know but that will come in time. The fear of being made a fool of is there I know but you have to try and put that to the side.<P>What kind of reaction did you think he would have? You call him home from work and throw this in his face? I am sorry but that was not a smart move and as I have said before we must be smart in this game and not act on impulse.<P>Go to your H and tell him that you are sorry that it gets to you sometimes and you hope he will try to forgive you for causing this set back and then don't do it again.<P>You know your H very well, I am sure at times you wonder if you do at all or if you can even trust your own feelings and judgement but that is normal, but you have to have some faith in your H, yourself and your marriage.<P>I know I have come down on you some but I think sometimes we need someone to say what we need to hear rather than what we want.<P>Swallow your pride a little, bite the bullet and apologize for YOUR mistake.<P>Genie

My H's OW did the same thing.....said she was not the first and would not be the last, then went on (in her e-mails to me) to challenge me as to whether I would stay with him or if i would have 'the strength to leave him'......that he would never change, blah blah, this from a woman who saw him periodically over 3 months....yeah, she really knows him.....what a crock of malarky....she just wanted me to toss him on the street...so she could swoop down on her broom and be the one to 'rescue' him, no doubt.....oh, honey, she wanted to hurt you, most probably, and she succeeded.....follow Genie's advice.<P>Dylan

you are all right, though I don't regret calling. I do regret believing anything the OW said. And I did apologize to H for accusing and not questioning. I don't know where to go from here things just seem so blurred. I feel that he wants me to leave, but he may be acting this way ( like he could not give a D_____ about anything) because of his guilt. He acts and says things like he has given up. I tell him I am leaving he says nothing, not even A please don't nothing. <BR> Even through her telling me she was sorry she told me GOd says it is ok to divorce if there is Infedelity, WOW AM I A DUMMY< she could have screamed I want you out of the picture and I still probably would not have got it. Well I am seeing things much clearer today though, Still lost on where to go from here though. When he acts this way could it be a sign that he is not happy and does want me to leave only does not want to be the one to tell me so as not to hurt me again, and save himself some guilt.??????????<P>------------------<BR>God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P>

The other day when I read your post my initial thought was that you and your H were doing pretty well and you were on your way to a recovery.<P>If your H wanted you to leave, he wouldn't have been the way you stated he was in one of your recent posts, he would just be quite honest and you would not have any doubts at all.<P>It will take him a little time to get over this, just give it some time and he will get over it and you both will get back on track.<P>When we fall off the horse, we can't continue to beat ourselves up for it, we just have to get back on and learn from our mistakes.<P>This is the hardest thing to go through I know but believe me I had every feeling that you are having too and you can get through it, I promise.<P>Have faith in yourself and in your H too. If he didn't want to be there with you believe he wouldn't be, but he is.<P>Your H is hurting too and you both need to be there for each other. From your other post it really sound sas if your H is trying, however you are getting caught up in your insecurities and that will only cause more damage and make it harder for you both.<BR>You must try to take care of him also, remember the rules?<P>Rule of Protection: You must protect him from your insecurities and when your mind runs away with you, you must stop it!!!<P>Rule of Care: You must care about his feelings too, and he must care about yhour feelings.<P>If one breaks one of these rules, often the other will react in a way that really does start a domino effect.<P>Its hard I know but you can do it!!!<P>Genie

Genie<BR> Thank you so much for your replies to my posts. YOU are right about not being what I wanted to hear. BUT IT IS WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR!!!!!!!!! I really think I would explode at times if I did not have this site and all of you to vent on. THANKS> <P>H has not come home all evening and yes this scares me, not that he is with someone but that he just does not want to be around me. I know that you say if he did not want to be here he would not be, but is there any way that guilt and not wanting to hurt me again would keep him here?? <P> I just so desperatley want to feel loved by H. I feel Like I have shown him unconditional love just by being here, but he still shows me very little. <BR> <BR>Still the same ol Question How far do I go???????<P>------------------<BR>God is our refuge and STRENGTH,<BR>A very Present help in trouble.<BR>Psalm 46:1<BR>I sought the Lord and he heard me, <BR>and delivered me from all my fears.<BR>Psalms 34:4<P>

SecretuvmyStrength,<P>This last post sounds as if you are bargining. Don't play the I will if he will game. Quit trying to second guess your H. Right now he doesn't know which way is up and is probably very afraid of telling you how he feels. Some of the feeling would hurt you and others he fears will be rejected by you. <P>If you still love him and you want to make the marriage work, then see if you can cut him some slack. Let me repeat this. The issue is do YOU want to make the marriage work. Please figure this out. It is NOT does HE want to make the marriage work. <P>If you do then the tools are here on this board to make a lot of progress. I know it is tough and it sure does seems backwards that the person betrayed is the one doing the heavy lifting but your H doesn't even know what to lift right now. At worst he is very confused and at best he is very guilt ridden.<P>I know you want to feel loved by your H. But you may need to love him first. He has much to sort about his affair and his feelings. They may well be much stronger for you than you or he knows. He had to sweep them from his conscience in order to have the affair. They are there but buried.<P>Listen to Genie she has given you good advice. <P>Good Luck and God Bless You<P>JL