We are coming up on the 2 year mark from when my H ended his affair. This was when our marriage fell apart as far as I was concerned. I now realize he was in withdrawal and therefore began to treat me terrible. Up until this time 2 years ago I didn't even suspect something was wrong, let alone that he had been having an affair for over a year.<P>I was sure hoping that after a year of trying to rebuild that I would look back and say, "This time last year things were better" but instead I'm saying "This time 2 years ago things were horrible"<P>I guess it is because things haven't been that much better. He has been trying off and on, but the pain is just as bad as it was before. It isn't getting better.<P>I look back at what I felt last year and I realize that my resolve is weakening instead of getting stronger. I am less determined to stay married, I care less than I did last year. I'm just so very tired.

You say that you have been trying, but what have you been doing exactly? Are you seeing an outside party?

We have been in counselling.<P>He is home and "devoted to saving the marriage." The affair is over, she has moved away. <P>There is nothing I can see to make me feel he is being unfaithful anymore.<P>He accounts for his whereabouts constantly. Very cooperative. <P>He tries not to love bust, but falls back into selfishness when I start acting like things are okay. Occassionally depression on my part gets him trying again.<P>The problem is that I just don't feel anything for him anymore.<P>Everything I have read says that romantic love will return if you meet each other's needs. I lost romantic love for him during his withdrawal on over the 2 years of dealing with what he did. He has been trying to win it back, but I still feel nothing.<P>I used to feel bad for my lack of love for him, but I don't even feel that anymore.<P>We have 3 kids. I would hate to put them through a divorce, but I am beginning to feel they would be better off in a family where love was obvious.<P>I am civil to him and fulfill my duties as wife and mother, but honestly feel I could just walk away without looking back.

I have been really down lately. I can't knock it. <P>No decision will be best under all circumstances.<P>I feel as if there is some major flaw in my character that I cannot accept his attempts to make our marriage what it should have been in the first place.<P>I feel we have come this far because of the sacrifice I made and because our he had an affair, not in spite of it.<P>I've done all the things he wanted me to do in the first place. I'm satisfying the needs that I left unsatisfied, but he is still a selfish man that will have to have a thin attractive spouse that is willing to bust her butt (what is left of it after starving myself for 2 years) to satisfy him.<P>When I lose the battle with gravity and if I lose the battle with calories I will lose him. <P>So how can I enjoy what he is trying to do for me now when I know it is only temporary and I will have to find a way to make it on my own some time in the future?

LuLu...<BR> You sure sound down. Are you on/have you considered antidepressants? Maybe you should talk to your doctor. Of course, they do not FIX your problems, but can enable you to cope more effectively things...and allow your more positive feelings a chance to come up for air...

I've tried that. I started on Antidepressants about 6 months ago.<P>It helped my outlook on life, but no my marriage.

Well, your outlook on life was what I was concerned about...glad to hear they help with that, anyway!<P>As for your marriage, I'm sorry I do not know your whole story...but 2 years does seem like a long time...do you feel that your feelings for him have changed/improved at all? Is there ongoing progress, even slowly? Are you in counseling? If you are not, perhaps you should give that a try. Two years with little/no prgress is hard...and I think you need to find out if progress is possible...<P>Hugs--<P>Kathi

I feel that I have become more complacent in the past 2 years.<P>I started out wanting nothing more than to save my marriage and earn his love. (for the first time in my opinion).<P>Now I wonder why. I have gained self esteem and realize that I deserved so much more all along.<P>I am ME. I never knew that before. I guess that sounds strange.<P>I AM ME!!!!!<P>I am not his mother.<P>I am not his housekeeper.<P>I am still pretty young and pretty pretty.<P>I am a person that deserves to be a person.<P>