It's so amazing how <BR>infidelity is everywhere you <BR>look/go. Isn't marriage <BR>sacred anymore? What <BR>happenned to society?<P>As I was leaving my house, I <BR>noticed the moving van at my <BR>neighbor's house. Only 3 <BR>weeks ago, neighbor's H <BR>caught his W having an affair <BR>with someone she met at the <BR>bar (she is a bartender).<P>I don't know the details of <BR>it but that H has kicked his <BR>W out of the house. I guess <BR>that she is there to retrieve <BR>her things.<P>On another note, within the <BR>last 2 weeks, I have just <BR>found out about a relative <BR>who is in an affair (which resulted in OC) and <BR>another friend who has had an <BR>affair.<P>Even on TV, some movies/shows <BR>"glorify" affairs. I hated that <BR>movie, "Bridges of Madison County," yet there are people who loved this movie. I hates the theme of movies, such as this one.<P>Seeing infidelity everywhere <BR>just sucks......<p>[This message has been edited by NoTrust (edited May 25, 2000).]

Amen.<P>And if I hear one more affair joke on a sitcom, I'm going to be ill.<P>Hang in there. We'll all do okay if we just live day by day. --HBC

No kidding! It IS sick! What DID happen to "married for a liftime?" That's what I thought it was all about. That's what I committed to.<P>Now I'm the "disposable wife" and can just be discarded since I don't live up to my H's preverted image of what a woman should be (he gets this image off internet porn sites, which I found TONS of pictures from downloaded on his computer after he left home). He gets this idea from stupid movies like "Bridges" and stupid "jokes" about mid-life crises and affairs.<P>I fell like an alien in some ways, because soooooo many people just accept that that's the way life is and that it's irrational to believe that marriage can last a lifetime. Now, because of my H's selfishness, I HAVE TO become a divorced woman! It just kills me and makes me sick to my stomach. WE WERE FAMILY (even with no kids)!!! How can a person do this to his family!!! We are flesh and blood in my opinion...."one flesh!"<P>Now what am I supposed to do with my life? What am I supposed to do with my beliefs? What a nasty, sinful world we live in!!! It's soooo discouraging. And it's no okay.<P>Sorry for the spewing....I just get heart-sick over the disposable attitude so, so many people have these days. How did THAT happen??<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs. O

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mrs.O:<BR><B>Now, because of my H's selfishness, I HAVE TO become a divorced woman! ...<BR>Now what am I supposed to do with my life? What am I supposed to do with my beliefs? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Mrs O,<P>Why do you HAVE TO get divorced? Is he divorcing you and you are not consenting? Or do your beliefs about infidelity give you no room to stay and work on it?<P>I ask because I also feel as you do that I've been disposed of and dishonored. I absolutely do not want to walk away from my promise to my H and God, but I don't feel this marriage has a chance of ever being something real and of value. My abhorrence to infidelity also make it intolerable. So, I am hanging on the fence right now sort of pushing for the divorce, but feeling a little ambivalent.<P>As for your/my beliefs, I think we just hold on to them. You can't make your H or anyone else believe as you do. You can only behave in conjunction with them and honor them the best you can.

NoTrust,<P>I agree 100%. It's sickening and there is little we can do but accept it apparently. I guess Harley is one of our few hopes.<P>I keep asking myself: if my wife had met the OM (her boss) 16 years ago, married him 7 years ago, I had been her boss this last year...would she have had an affair with me and ended the marriage with her H to live with me?<BR>Maybe it's a stupid thought, but it all just seem so stupid. Ending a marriage with no attempts to make it work, no attempts at telling me that she wasn't happy and just have an affair and in that way make sure that she won't be alone when she leaves me.<BR>Now I have to live alone and make it economically by myself while she moves in with the well off OM and have a future free of worries. <BR>I have taken responsibility of my share in bringing the marriage to a point where an affair was possible, but from there and to the end my wife has to take the blame.<P>This is how I pictue what has happened:<BR>I drove her to the cliff, she opened the door and jumped. "Problem" is that she had a parachute. Me and my 2 sons was in the car, and the car accidently slipped of the cliff as well. Have you ever tried to open a parachute while inside a car?<P>Sickening!!!<P>scandinavian

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by popeye:<BR><B> Why do you HAVE TO get divorced? Is he divorcing you and you are not consenting? Or do your beliefs about infidelity give you no room to stay and work on it? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>No, I DO believe we could work on on the marriage, infidelity or not...it's just that HE wants out, not me. He hasn't actually filed for divorce, but has mentioned it many times. If that does happen, I probably won't fight it....I need his income right now to pay part of the mortgage. He is just the kind of person who would just take off and totally abandon everything if I fought it. Besides, if he really goes to the trouble and effort to file for divorce, that shows me he really isn't interested in reconciliation at all.<P>The main point of my post is....why the HECK to I even have to consider divorce as something that may or may not be on the horizon? Divorce is abhorrant to me; however, I must say that infidelity is pretty abhorrant too. <P>Right now I'm kinda where you are...looking back over the marriage...I didn't meet all his needs. But I was honest; I didn't do stuff behind his back; I tried the best I could to meet his needs; I wanted to go for counseling years ago, when I first felt he was unhappy; I tried everything I could (without outside help) to make the marriage work. He is the one who constantly compared me to his first love; never told me I was a good lover; told me about other beautiful woman he would run across and how it was just "normal" for men to want to "jump their bones" when they met a beautiful woman; started with pornography on cable then on the net the 3rd year we were married; and so on. NOTHING I did was anywhere near as disrespectful to him as how he unwittingly has been to me. I'm just now starting to see it. I was so innocent and naive when I married him.<P>Now I don't know if there really is any hope. But it still makes me mad to have to consider divorce!<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>