It has been 3 months since D-day and I am going thru some strange feelings right now. We have been doing MB and things seem to be going much better, very little LBing, talking, spending time together, etc. We have recommitted to our marriage. Over the last week or so, I have been very quiet (not usual for me at all)and a little withdrawn. My H keeps asking what is wrong, I told him I am tired (there's been some extra challenges with my special needs son). I realized today, that I just don't see him in the same light anymore. I am so disappointed in his behavior over the last year. I am not angry, I just don't know if he is the "type" of person that I really want to be married to. I am not sure that he can change his ways. He is a wonderful father, and a hard worker, but he is not a great husband. I need someone that is nurturing and sensitive (he is not). I want a partner, and I feel like I am a single parent. Is this "normal" to feel this way. Everything has been going great, maybe I am scared of getting close again. Thanks for listening and for your input.

{{{TXSupermommy}}},<P>Are you in couseling for yourself?<P>Are you on anti-dep medication?<P>Receovery isn't always the smoothest path...<BR>...and can be a rollercoaster as well as pre-recovery.<P>You also may be hitting up against forgiveness issues...<BR>Check out...<A HREF="http://www.divorcebusting.com/forumlinks4.html" TARGET=_blank>Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself</A> and <A HREF="http://forgivenessweb.com" TARGET=_blank>The Forgiveness Web</A>.<BR>...and books like...<OL TYPE=1><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/034541344X" TARGET=_blank><B>The Art of Forgiving :</B> When You Need to Forgive and Don't Know How</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060674318" TARGET=_blank><B>Forgive and Forget </B>: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve</A> by Lewis B. Smedes <BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0785282556" TARGET=_blank><B>The Choosing to Forgive Workbook</B></A> by Les Carter, Frank Minirth <BR></OL><P><BR>Rebuilding trust issues are also tough...<BR>Previous posts worth looking at the <B>"Recovery"</B> section in my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000013.html" TARGET=_blank>Notable Posts/Threads</A> post.<P> <P>Jim

Thanks Jim, you always give great advice! I am in counseling, I was on sleeping pills (forgot the name) but they made me too groggy. I guess I should talk to my doc about antidepressants. I will read the threads you gave me. Have a great weekend!

Supermommy,<P>Yes...I do believe it is pretty normal to feel different about your spouse.<P>When my H came home after the first disappearing act....I felt strange. I knew I loved him...but actually...I couldn't understand why anymore. He was a terrific provider.....but not a good father.....and pretty much a distant husband. Everytime he said I love you to me....or kissed me in a passionate way....I couldn't help but wonder...did he really mean it?<P>Funny...I was watching Diagnosis Murder last night ( hardly ever watch TV) well actually listening to it....when I heard someone say.....the only people who can betray you are people you care about. Boy that stopped me in my tracks.<P>My H betrayed me....intentionally or unintentionally, but either way it hurt. That hurt takes a long time to go away...whether he is with you or not.

TXSupermommy,<P>I couldn't have expressed better myself ....feel the same way and I don't know if I am just seeing my husband for the person he always was, or he has changed. <P>

It's probably normal to feel that way. We put all this energy into creating positive environments and thinking happy thoughts. the anger dissipates and we can see what all the fuss was about, so we ask ourselves is this person worth it? We thought so, but now that things have settled down, is it really?<P>Things probably ARE at a stage where you can get comfortable again and you are wondering if you can trust things to remain as good as they have been. That can make you question if what you are doing is the right thing too.<P>I think it is GOOD that you are facing these questions. Some people just file that uneasy feeling away and dont' look at it. That's how all this affair stuff happens. We don't pay enough attention to what is going on and to what we need. I'd use this opportunity to find out the answers to those questions.<P>If you find that this is where you want to be, I think you'd be in a stronger position to commit once you've explored just what it is you have and what it is you want. If you discover that this truly isn't what you want, isn't it better to leave this way in peace than in the havoc that life must have been before?

TXSuperMommy:<P>Popeye's right, now that the trama period has ended and things look like they might be OK again, it's natural to be wary of recommiting yourself to the same relationship that cause you so much pain.<P>If your H is there and he's there because he wants to be and he's trying to change, work with him to change the behaviors that you don't like.<P>I wish someone had given me that advise when my H came back the first time. Instead I blamed him and fought the idea that I had any responsibility for the affair...and nothing changed at all. Maybe this time it will.<P>Buffy<P>