Hi everyone,<P>So of you may know that last weekend, I met OW with my stbx. I was a good girl- very gracious actually. The meeting didn't last long- about 30 mins.<P>As I was leaving work this evening, I received an e-mail from OW.<P>It reads:<P>Hi Cheryl,<BR>I have been trying to e-mail you all week but I have been busy with my boss being in town this week.<BR>I just wanted to thank you for meeting stbx and I at the restaurant. You are a wonderful person and a great mother! (Yea, like she would know that!!)<BR>I am truly sorry for all the pain sbtx has caused you and I hope you will forgive him someday. Whether you believe this or not, my relationship with stbx did end for a few months (whatever!) while I desperately tried to work on my marriage. However, things did just not work out in that arena.<BR>Cheryl, I hope someday that we can become friends although you are probably not ready for that yet. It is always best to get along as nicely as possible.<BR>Please let me know if you have any concerns or questions and I look forward to seeing you again and also hopefully meet D.<BR>I hope you have a wonderful and safe holiday weekend.<BR>OW<P>Well, what do you think? Any insight? Should I ignore the letter or should I respond?<P>Thanks,<P>God Bless,<BR>Cheryl

Yuck!!!!! I can't believe she wants to be your friend. It's alway best to get along nicely as possible. Yeah and it's always best not to sleep with other women's husband. How did she get your email address? I wouldn't respond to it. She must have some ulterior motive with this "friendship thing".<BR>[This message has been edited by TMD (edited May 26, 2000).]<P>[This message has been edited by TMD (edited May 26, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by TMD (edited May 26, 2000).]

OW used to call me and go on and on about how "we're not enemies!".<BR>geez, i wish i knew what to tell you. i think maybe it was a peace offering. maybe do what Deb did, let her in on all of your stbx's little quirks and what his medications are. lol.<BR>No, seriously, i have no idea what you should do. just email "thank you" and leave it at that? blech.

TMD-<P>Yea, yuck is what I think too!! Motives? Yep, I think she has plenty. I think she feels like if we are friends, it will ease she slimly little conscience. <BR>I can only assume she got my address from my stbx. What is HE thinking?<BR>Thanks!<P>Julie-<BR>Icky, icky. Why do they think we can be one friendly terms with them? Godd greif, have they no sense? I honestly don't understand this behavior.<BR>I thought about doing what Deb did, but I think that could back fire on me. <BR>Blech is right.<BR>How are you doing? <P>God Bless,<BR>Cheryl

Cheryl,<P>If the relationship between her and your H(stbx) ended... why does she want to be your friend?... and why should she want to see your daughter?<P> <P>Jim

Maybe she was just a little jealous of you and by e-mailing you it put her fears to ease. Or if you would be friends, you wouldn't want you H back. She has a lot of nerve. Sounds like some type of selfish motive.

Dear ceecee,<P>I read your earlier post about the meeting of the OW in the restaurant. Sorry. Sad.<BR>about the e-mail: Under no circumstances would I respond. It is a self-serving little piece of drivel written by a woman with no shame. She attempts to put you in your place by admonishing you to behave nicely. She tries to curry your favor and cozy up to you by complimenting your mothering and implying that she is ready to adore the soon to be step-child as her own. <P>I interpret the e-mail as something she hopes to show your STBX as an example of her fairmindedness. She may outright hand him a printout or allow him to "accidentally" see it lying on her desk or leave it in the e-mail file.<P>No response is the best response. It is not worthy of any kind of acknowledgement.<P>e-mail addresses aren't that hard to come by.

It sounds like she is doing a wacky Plan A. Wants stbx to think that she is a wonderful woman. Then if you and her can't be "friends" it will be your fault. I could just hear her saying to your H, I tried to be nice...but she was such a b!tch...now I know why you left her.<P>I just feel that if she was so "nice"...she would have left a married man alone....no matter how much he complained about being unhappy.<P>After going through all of this....I notice now how many men complain about their marriages and their wifes.(Now that I am working) Boy they are sorry when they "cry" to me.<P>Nancy

Jim-<P>Thanks, as always, but the relationship IS NOT over. <BR>Honestly, I believe this is an attempt to "put me in my place" according to her. I see this as a way to control the situation, since she lives so far away.<BR>I may be way off here, but maybe things in LALA land aren't as wonderful as they once were.<P>TXS-<BR>I think you are right on both counts. She certainly does have alot of nerve, but then again, who doesn't have nerve to steal a husband and destroy a family!<P>Bellevue-<BR>Just curious why you thought my meeting OW is sad. I did it for myself. I needed to put some closure to the situation. She was an image in my mind that I had to get out.<BR>I absolutely agree with you that she is somehow trying to place the blame back on me to make herself look like the "wonderful" human being my H fell for.<BR>Sad fact for her, tho, is this charade will end one day. I certainly don't want to be in her shoes when that day comes.<BR>I most likely won't respond to her. Silence can speak VERY loudly.<BR>Thanks for you response.<P>God Bless,<BR>Cheryl

Nancy-<P>Hmmm, you think she is Plan Aing me? That's quite a concept.<BR>I do think that is is pretending to be 'miss wonderful'. Funny thing is, when I met her, my stbx says (she was in the restroom) "She really wants to be your friend." I explained that was something I was not interested in, under the circumstances. He nodded and said, " Yea, she wears those 'rose-colored' glasses to see the world". Kinda of slam, IMO.<BR>Well, one day, he'll be complaining about her too. It's only a matter of time.<BR>Take care,<P>Cheryl<BR>

Cheryl,<BR> She's sorry for all the pain your H caused you,and hopes you can forgive him?The last time I checked,it takes two to tango.What about her involvment in this little escapade?<BR> Maybe you can e-mail her,and tell her you two can"get along nicely",but she better grow some eyes in the back of her head,'cause she'll never see it coming!(you didn't hear this from me)<BR> If I were you,I wouldn't respond to this rubbish.Just keep her guessing about you.She doesn't deserve to know anything.<BR> Have a great holiday weekend,Cheryl.<BR> --Murph

Blech, puke, spit, vomit...<P>I wouldn't respond.<P>One can only be *so* gracious, and I think you did your job by meeting her. Put her name on ignore or I bet she'll keep trying until you answer her. By the by, yes you will need to deal with her, but nobody said you had to be friends... eeewwwweeee... only in very special situations is it possible (like the Derek's, as in Bo and John, with ex's Linda Evans and Ursula Andress, and that always seemed a bit contrived!)<P>

Some people are simply just amazing.....(sigh)........

Don't respond. She isn't worth your time...

CeeCee,<P>I hope that the Plan A'ing didn't sound so weird....I just could see an OP saying something like that. Maybe I am mental...coming up with something like that.

You guys are the best!!!<P>Murpy-<BR>That's the very same things I thought when I read it. What about her involvement. Is she blaming all of this (her divorce too) on my stbx. Makes you wonder.<BR>The fact of the matter is, we do get along quite nicely now. I join him and D on the weekday visitations. He comes over to the house on occasion. It really isn't bad anymore. <BR>I'm trying to picture her with those eyes. Wonder if she put the rose colored glassed on those too!!LOL<BR>You have a great weekend too!<P>Sheryl-<BR>You make me laugh! I'm probably not going to respond to her. What the hell would I say anyway. "Dear OW, thank you so much for taking my H off my hands. You have done me such a great service. How can I ever thank you?" Please!<BR>How are you doing, by the way. I need to send you an e-mail. Got some things to tell you!<BR>Love ya,<P>genesforme-<BR>Yea, amazing. Where do they get the nerve?<P>NoTrust-<BR>She is not worth my time. That is for sure. At this point, neither one of them are!<P>Nancy-<BR>Are are NOT mental!!! Stop that! I actually like your idea that she is wacky Plan Aing me. Fortunately for me, I KNOW how it works!<P>God Bless,<BR>Cheryl

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ceecee:<BR><B>I thought about doing what Deb did, but I think that could back fire on me. <BR>Blech is right.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hey now guys, don't be talking about me <P>Really, Cheryl, if it were me I wouldn't do anything with it for a while. You already took the high road by meeting her and not killing her.<P>Wait a few days then answer it if you want, but don't jump up and do it right away. Don't want her to think you are just waiting to hear from her.<P>I think I would include that I didn't want to hear about the affair from her, that it seems disrespectful for her to try to say one word about it to you, (unless of course she wanted to say that she is sorry she would sleep with a married man and help break up hims home.) That is JMHO of course.<P>Yes I did make nice with wildebeast at times, had no choice. <P>But there were other times when I did nasty things to her too. Like introduced her to a roomful of my buddies who were bikers by putting her in a head lock and telling them to come meet my h's wh***-baby. Laughing while I did so. Course H wasn't there either.<BR> and I got away with it because I told him about it myself giggling the whole while.<P>Broad thought I was playing with her ! <P>But I never hit her. Yah Deb.<P><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>Hepatitis C, educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://hepatitis-central.com/" TARGET=_blank>http://hepatitis-central.com/</A>

I wouldn't respond.. You acted really great at the restaurant so what else you need? If you write what you really think the hard work you did at the restaurant will be ruined. if you write a nice letter she thinks you are totally ok now. She doesn't seem to think she has any faults on this and it's just unbelievable.. And she actually think you two can be friends? I think she's trying to show how she opens up for you but you refuse it.. something like that.

ceecee<BR>Could she be trying to get rid of her guilt feelings? Now that she's met with you she sees the great lady whose life she helped screw up. So maybe she thinks that she won't feel so guilty if she makes nice.<P>This reminds me of a thread I read once on the famous TOW board. Several of the "ladies" were discussing how much easier it is for them if the wife remains faceless and nameless. That way they don't have to face what they've done.<P>Just let her stew my friend. Let her wonder what your reaction was. Enjoy that thought and have a great weekend!<P>wassi

Hi CeeCee -<P>What?.....Huh?......<P>Delusions.....She's delusional, He's delusional.....Now they want YOU delusional!!!!! ICK!!!!<P>I figure it this way....if she is far away and will not be spending time with your D - you don't need to pay her any attention (and I truly think that it is a matter of attention on both their parts in some respects). <P>The only time to concern yourself with any female in H's life is if she will be in the company of your daughter. YOU would have to then, so you would be in a position of protecting Emma. THAT is the only reason to form a relationship IMHO!!!<P>Ignore it CeeCee......if H asks about it just say that you received it and hadn't really given it much thought yet.<P>Don't give it importance. Who knows why it was sent. Could be genuine, could be nonsense. Doesn't matter!!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba