keystone,<P>I wasn't surprised to see that no one responded to what I posted. I think it really makes a person think and to me it had a very deep meaning. <P>Sorry to here your still in limbo. Your choice of the gift for her birthday is fine being thats what she wants. I can't believe she still hasn't used your spa gift! I'll have to make a special trip to CA just to use it for her! LOL I could really use it about now. <P>Things here are about the same as where you are. We actually had a very bad LBing moment this past weekend and at that point I told him I refuse to talk to him if he can't talk to me in a civilized manner. So needless to say we haven't spoken much to each other. <P>H is running so hot and cold. I never know what to expect when he comes home and it makes it very tense for me. He went out to the store the other night which should have only taken him 15 minutes at the most and came back 2 1/2 hours later. Now if I would have done that I would have been accused of something. But I told him in a nice calm way that I didn't think it was right for him to do that without letting me know what was going on. His response was to shrug his shoulders. So I said that its not fair to me for him to do this type of thing because I could never just up and leave if something was bothering me because I have the responsibility of the girls. He just doesn't get it.<P>On a more positive note, D#1 went back to school yesterday and things went well for her. I just hope she can stay away from those "friends" until the end of the year which is June 22. I will be looking into continuing counsiling for her due to the fact that her therapist has suggested it.<P>Keeping all positive thoughts.<P>falsely accused<BR>

FA--<P>Yes, I'm here. I'm on vacation now, but came into the office to deal with some odds and ends. The gym's across the street, and since I have to keep up the workouts (Doc's orders), I came into the office for an hour or two.<P>Sounds scary, but at first, I couldn't wait to be on vacation. Now, with all the tension at home, I can't wait to get away from the house. It's not a friendly place anymore. I don't feel "at home". I want to be near my kids, and I goof around with them always. Go to their games and practices. Yesterday, even took my son on his field trip. <P>But, once the kids go to sleep, my W and I just go in opposite directions. She'll stay up late, and watch movies in the family room. I'll just go to the bedroom and go to sleep. In the mornings, I'll get out of the house early to workout (and beat the traffic -- it's LA so there's lots of that). <P>Now, in the afternoons, what will we do? She'll ready a book in the livingroom, or watch a movie in the family room. When I used to sit and watch a movie with her, she always used to say "y'know you don't have to sit here and watch this movie with me". When I'd say that I want to, she was almost disappointed. It's just gottent to the fact that I don't want to be arouind her anymore. I'm realizing that I DON'T LIKE HER ANYMORE. Now that's scary!<P>But it is the truth. I'm sick and tired of looking at the back of her head when we sit together at my kids games. I'm tired of seeing her jump for joy when her "friends" arrive -- almost to rescue her from me. Hugs and kisses all around -- including he guys -- and I can't even get a look in the eyes. <P>I guess what I'm saying is it's over. I give up. I don't want to be known as a quitter, and I don't think that I am, but I'm throwing in the towel here. <P>On a more positive note, keep you D#1 busy this summer. Idle minds are the ones that seem to find trouble. If she's busy, and away from her "friends", perhaps you can turn her around. Keeping her busy may also be away to keep youself busy. Think up some ideas. It may help you both, plus give each of you a shoulder to lean on.<P>I've rented a laptop which will allow me to check in with my e-mail and also check in here. That way, I won't have to rely on my office desktop for a connection to the "outside world". My W has monopolozed the home desktop with e-mails between herself and all of her "friends". Tell me, in your honest opinion, the non-stop e-maisl between her and her male, single and divorced friends -- including the constant barrage of dirty jokes, questionable photos, etc.... Am I just overly sensitive? I mean, I don't send this kinda stuff to the female co-wprkers and friends I have!<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>YES!! LOL MHO, your being a little over sensitive on the email issue ie:jokes(clean or dirty)& questionable photos! I get those kinds of things from my much older uncle in Hawaii and I pass them on to EVERYONE, except my H because he also gets them from him. Its not what is sent its the replies that come from them! Think about it! <P>I'm going to be honest here, there have been times I have passed something I get to my old highschool friend and he will come back with a reply to it and I have to just let it go at that. His wife has actually called me a cybertramp! ME?!?!?! LOL But really its all in fun and to get a laugh for the day. So as long as there are no replies or suggestive remarks going back and forth from the email I think its no big deal.<P>I am going to try and find D#1 a part time job but at her age its still hard here unless I want her to work at the boardwalk and I don't think that is the right atmosphere for her. I actually had a job for her there through a friend who owns a few stands but I just don't know now if I want her over there.<P>Its really wierd that you say its over. I went to breakfast with my girlfriend today and we were talking and she said to me that she gets the feeling from talking to me and seeing first hand what I'm going through that I have had enough and I don't want to be with him anymore. I have to admit its true. Talk about love bank being totally empty! <P>I don't think this battle can be won when only one is trying. The sad part is that even though there are days H is trying I don't respond anymore. I don't have anything left to give him. And yes its scarey to even think I can feel this way after all these years. <P>We went through the same thing on H's vacation as you are going through except for the fact he didn't spend anytime with the girls. We played the how can we avoid each other game everyday. I kept busy with things around the house and the girls and he did his thing. <P>I feel sad thinking about all I have put into this for all these years and he doesn't know me at all. He has no clues as to what I like and what I don't. He has no clue as to what his kids are like. That is the fact that I must live with and he will have to live with the rest of his life. What I will do from here is still questionable, but I have to stay put for the time being. <P>We are not quitters just tired of all the BS!<P>Now I will yell at you get your butt out of the office your on vacation you workaholic! Don't you know what the word vacation means???? LOL <P>Have a good week!<P>falsely accused<p>[This message has been edited by falsely accused (edited May 31, 2000).]

FA --<P>I do think people grow and change over time. It's just that, as a couple, I guess you expect to grow and change together. What seems to have happened to both of you guys, plus my W and I is that we have grown and changed as individuals, not as couples. Of course, my W denies that she's changed at all. I guess she's got it all figured out, huh?<P>It promises to be a long summer. Her b-day is around the corner and her "friends" (all those single and divorced buddies) want to take her out for an adults only night at some bar. I've been "invited", but already don't feelwelcome. I guess it also has to de with the fact that when thay all get together, it's heavy drinking, inside jokes, and I spend the better part of time looking at the back of my W's head. She usually cannot get away from me fast enough.<P>Cannot decide on any summer trip with the kids. My W complains that I haven't set one up yet, but offers no suggestions. I should just set one up and not worry about doing something she'd like since she probably could care less anyway.<P>God, I'm so negative -- I'm sorry. I doesn't help anyone. Venting is one thing, but I found myself justing getting further and further into my little hole. It's not constructive to anyone to have to listen to it. Sorry.<P>I've got some errands to run. I'll try to check back in a day or so, since I don't want my negative vibes to get you down, too.<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>Been there too! Thats one of the reasons I have stayed away and have even stopped emailing or talking to some of my friends. They know when I get this way that I am heading back in the "black hole" as I call it. When all I can do is be negative its no use for me to talk to them and bring them down with me. Don't apologize for being so negative, it happens. <P>I do believe in both our situations we grew apart instead of together. I can see changes in both my H and I. If your W can't see the changes in herself then she is not really thinking about it. I do know I want a partner in life, not someone I have to raise like another child. I need someone to help make the decisions and not always look for me for the answers. I'm tired of doing it all alone. I think this is one of the areas that I have changed in. <P>If I were you I would definately plan something you and the kids enjoy even if your W doesn't. Remember your doing it mainly for the kids anyway, its there summer break. <P>Keep your chin up!<P>falsely accused