I'm just curious and wondering if this is just something that can be expected. My H and I have been getting along very well. I have been moving on with my life and go out periodically. When my H finds out I have plans to go out, though, he asks if I have a date. I always tell him "no". Today I told him what my plans were for this Friday (going out again and then an after hours party at my house). The particular bar we're going to is an "alternative" bar. He said I probably won't get "lucky" there. Why does he ask these kind of questions or say these kind of things? Is it so he doesn't feel so guilty if I am actually going on a date? I called him back a few minutes ago and told him it hurt me when he said things like that. I told him I can't date anyone right now because I still loved him. He said he didn't know that it hurt me and he wouldn't say those things anymore. My question: Why say them in the first place?<P><P>------------------<BR>Molli<P>Find your strength within!

<BR>I think he's testing you.<P>He wants to know whether or not you've moved on in your life. I bet that he thinks that the 'going out' is part of the process of getting over him and moving on.<P>Just my guess, and I'm only<P><BR>Slightly Sane<BR>

Hi Molli,<P>Will give you my perspective on your question..I would guess that he is afraid...his fear of losing you ...even though he may have physically lost you, emotionally he has not.....and emotionally it would probably have been the same fear that drove him away from you in the first place....you can only react like this to those you love.....this man still loves you no matter what he says to the contrary....or how he acts otherwise he would not be asking the type of questions that would tell him if the tie between you two (in his psyche this could be one of the last) was broken or that he may have a rival even though you are apart...his fear would probably have been linked to early childhood where he may have presumed the woman he loved (usually Mom) did not love him..or did not protect him in some way...or let him down badly ...or did not support him when he needed her most etc...and that hurt would have been followed by anger which he would have buried because he would have felt guilty at being angry at this person he is supposed to love...so the buried unresolved pain hurt and anger gets surrounded by fear that the ego brings in as a protection against being hurt again...and when he enters into a primary relationship with you and builds a deepening love in a committed relationship... the fear arises when he gets too close to you (intimacy) whom he will mistakenly presume to be the source of his pain...(the buried memory of previous long buried hurt)and as he doesnt remember this deeply buried trauma blames it on you....naturally it would seem logical to him that it has to be your fault or the relationships fault because the only time he feels this way, is when he is around you...<P>Strange as it may sound...us guys have an ego that is linked to our basic instinct of survival and makes us territorial....and any other guy that is percieved by our psyche to be encroaching on our territory would make us act....hence the questions...<P>Anyway hope I have not confused this all for you...just my slant on it..<P>Blessings<P>cossie