Poorme…<BR>Went back and read a thread you posted…you DID seem to get a lot of flack…<BR>and, IMHO, not without some reason. But, the important thing, to me, is that you did come here looking for help. And, this is a great site to get help, and a new perspective on your marriage.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> This is my last attempt. I am serious about needing some advice, but<BR>can't talk to my wife because I am afraid of getting the same type of stuff from her. This is not encouraging me to stay. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>So, the first thing I'd suggest is that you and your wife see if you can agree to talk without making "lovebusters"--angry statements or disrespectful judgements. The rule here is that a LB is whatever your spouse considers to be a LB. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> Anyway, I do love my wife. She's the most sexy, beautiful, and smartest women I've ever seen… <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Good place to start…have you told her this, in so many words?<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>… but she HAS changed. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes, spouses do change, and in the situation you guys have been in, the changes probably are not positive. But, she and you CAN both change to something better. The key is, don't try to change her. Change you. When I changed myself, it changed the way my H reacted to me…only then could we really start to rebuild. It feels wrong (esp. if you feel…as I did…that so much of this is the other's fault), but it works.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I don't know if she is telling me the truth about wanting to have babies or if she is just trying to keep us together. I know that having a family is<BR>important to me. Despite what you say, I don't know any reason why I shouldn't have that. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Regardless of what she feels right now, you two are not in a good place to make this decision…if you can work things out, and rebuild, a year or two from now you may be in a situation to make this lifechanging decision. But, forcing her to commit to this now is probably not wise.<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I don't even think she really loves me. I went out on her because she was rejecting me. Every time I put my arms around her when we were sleeping, she pulled away. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You know, I think this is the heart of your post. And, I can only say that I think my H felt the same way 6 months ago…I did not act like I loved him, because there was too much anger and resentment over other issues…You have to solve some of the other issues before you can get back to being in-love with each other.<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I know our court date is coming up and I am running out of time. I didn't go back home when she asked me to, and she's acting like it is already over. I don't know that I really have any choice in if we can get back together or not.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I don't know either. But, I bet that in order for her to be willing to stay the legal stuff and give it a try, you are going to have to convince her that you realize your role in creating this mess, and that you really want to change. If you cannot honestly say that to you and to her, then maybe you should let it go…<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I miss her. I hate her.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Been there, done that. Good luck…<P>Kathi<BR>
