Poorme,<P>My H has also fathered OCs during our marriage. I hope you're willing to listen to what I have to say as a woman that has experienced it. I will try to set aside my anger and hurt and tell you what goes on in your heart and psyche when your H does this to your marraige. And BTW, like you and Popeye, my H and I do not have any children together. I'll try to encapsulate and make this short.<P>After discovery of OC, my H and I were in reconciliation mode, he said he didn't want to participate in OC's lives. Sd he just wanted me and to have C with me. I was so torn and in conflict, I wanted my marriage and H back so badly but something didn't feel right, gut feeling if you will. I fought the feelings but pretty soon I discovered what it was, when I looked at my H I realized a loss of respect for him and myself as well. I felt it was wrong he wasn't being a father to OC but in order for that to happen we'd need to interact w/OW all the time. I feared they'd get together again and he'd leave me. So many times I wanted to initiate the possibility of seeing the OC w/my H but my fears wouldn't let me. I felt very selfish and ashamed for something I didn't do. I also felt as though I had been cheated out of a normal life & family but at the same time could not justify having children w/my H knowing he already had OC out there that WE were ignoring.<P>I believe my shame & guilt subconsiously kept me from having children. It was tearing me apart because all I ever wanted was a family PERIOD. It was my life's dream. So many times I wanted to bring it up and found out later he did too, but it was taboo. We both languished in guilt and shame and I found myself withdrawing from my H. I felt I had forgave him but I couldn't forget because the OC was a constant reminder.<P>I don't know if Popeye has shared her feelings with you, and I'm not saying she felt the same way. I'm just giving you my story regarding OC and hope maybe it'll help start you thinking.<P>I wish both you and Popeye, together or not, the very best and will remember you in my prayers.<P>Jo