Well! Give a girl a few days off and see what happens! <p>[This message has been edited by popeye (edited June 11, 2000).]

I agree...he was honest...to a point. Although he had temporary amnesia when it came down to some rather delicate issues....I think for the most part...he held his own.<P>But that was the problem.....he was honest in a self-centered way. Just because you are honest doesn't mean you are right or that people will see you in a positive light.<P>Popeye....I am so sorry...I know you love him....I wished there was something that he could learn from all of this to make it "right" by you.<P>I was not "trying" to defend "you"....and I am sure the others will agree.....we were simply stating that some of his ideals of what a "woman" should be and do are really out in left field.<P>Good luck to both of you<P>Nancy

Oh, I don't mean to imply at all that he was RIGHT, just that I think that what he said is how he felt. THAT'S what I meant by honest. Yes, he is incredibly self centered. I hope he does try to look at it through someone else's eyes and sees that. He's great at manipulating the picture and has gotten many people to side with him (his family, his girlfriends, counselors). No, no if it can be anybody's fault, it won't be his.<P>What I really truly want is for him to learn from this and do something good with his life. I know there is a seed of something good in there and feel that it somehow isn't allowed to flourish because he has anger and pain that he hasn't begun to address. I don't even think that I am the reason for that, but that I am the thing that is being focused on. <P>What I meant by not needing defense is just that I am okay with all of this. I really have reached a place of peace with this. I have dealt with my issues, forgiven what I could forgive, and am still trying to maintain love for all involved. That is all we can do.<P>The stuff used to bother me when I felt "less than" because this one or that one did something better or did more. I don't care about that stuff anymore. Maybe someone does and maybe someone doesn't, but they aren't living my life. They don't have the same priorities, time, money, or commitments I have. You just can't compare and unless you are living it, you really don't know. I am not trying to be someone else anymore or live up to someone else's expectations of what I should be. Yes, it is worthwhile to build love units (is that what they are called? hahah), but ultimately we are only responsible for ourselves and we are all acceptable just the way we are. (even him!) <P>We are all on the same path. It just takes some of us longer to get there. We all have something to learn from and teach others. I just try to look at this as a learning experience. Sometimes lessons are painful, but the lessons are usually so rewarding. I figure I ought to get *something* good out of this, even if it is only my own sense of self worth.

Popeye,<BR>Good for you...you sound strong and really at peace with this decision. I'm sorry for the pain you have been through....I am sorry that your H could not see a wonderful, thoughtful, beautiful woman in you, that those qualities in you were not enough to let him be happy with his life, with you and with his marriage.<P>He will learn something from all of this....but lets just hope it is good.<P>