Permanent solution to a temporary problem, isn't too smart. Something I have to keep telling myself is perhaps all this nonesense is a temporary problem.<P>It's hard to believe it is temporary, though. <P>I loved him so much. It was the most perfect love - and what happened. What happened? The last 7 years have been so bad.<P>When he got off that plane - coming to CA to drive the rental truck with my stuff in it, a 15 foot truck that carried my life's memories - to carry them to MN and start a new life - when he got off that plane I kissed him, and I knew it was missing. I knew that something had happened that changed our relationship forever. <P>I've been carrying that thought around since August 11th 1996 - our anniversary - the day he got off the plane. I've been suspicious, accusing, snoopy, etc. etc. ever since that day. <P>It has felt like an eternity. But it is temporary, right? <P>I think it is. I think it is temporary. I hope it is temporary. <P>I got dressed today, and put on makeup, and went with my husband to SIL's to buy her old sewing machine. I stayed with SIL for a while and helped her figure out how to run her new fancydancy sewing machine. We sewed an outfit for my grandson for Christmas together. It was all I could do to keep from breaking out in tears and not tell her what I was feeling. The charade. <P>It was all I could do to keep from telling her what was going through my mind. How to end this pain. I've been sorting out options. <P>I was honest with my husband tonight about how I was thinking about ending all of this. I told him that I would go see a Dr and get some meds, or let him take me to the state hospital, that I would try the meds and the shots first - maybe they could knock me out and I could feel some relief. <P>He sat with me for a little bit and reassured me that he loves me. He asked if we should call my kids or my parents. I told him no. <P>I will keep my promise, I will try the meds. And it does help that he listened tonight. <P>He made dinner tonight - a pork roast and potatoes. I eat a little tonight. First time I really eat since Thursday. It helped me feel a little stronger - and I started playing with the sewing machine, and he went to bed, and I even enjoyed flipping the channels. <P>I was even able to open up some threads by someone other than me. <P>I think I'm feeling better. I hope so. I hope this is temporary - and I hope that I can heal. <P>Thank you all for your prayers.

TNT-you sound so much like me before wellbutrim. But there is something that has driven you this far, something that you sense and it could be (probably is) partially true that he's got something to do with why you need the meds. Take it easy, don't try to be his wife so much as try to be YOU.<BR>I worry about your state because I sense something familiar in your conversation. Do the counselling bit for yourself only get one that YOU trust in, not one someone else has picked for you, it's important to be able to communicate with someone you feel comfortable with.<BR>Know that we are here for you, God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

TNT,<P>I have run out of time to post much and on a six day headache. Still I am so glad that your feeling better.<P>Yeah that your husband confirmed his love for you and showed you concern. His comment about calling your kids or parents is a very positive thing.<P>Keep the temporary in mind. Those paragraphs pertaining to temporary helped me too. I have never really thought of it exactly like that. So see your still here helping out. <P>Prayers and love are still coming your way from this end.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

TNT - I feel so bad for you. Think maybe I know a little about what you're going through. Time since T-day has been hell for me too, as W and I have been barely speaking to each other and then she tried to entrap me the other day with the cops for "stalking" her, just when I was starting to get back some positive feelings towards her. No more.<P>Whatever you do, don't let your H commit you to a mental institution. That would just make your life even more horrible and give him the kind of control over you that you don't want him (or anyone) to have. Also, I've always appreciated very much your warm, wise and witty responses to my posts. I'd hate to see you taken out of circulation here. Maybe, if you need them, get your Dr. to prescribe some anti-depressants. And know that, yes, the pain will stop at some point or at least become more bearable. Regards, blessings and lotsa hugs,<P>--Wex