I am just shocked at the replies You all left. A year ago this board was WONDERFUL!<BR>I have NO idea what has happened here But I have NEVER been a person to JUDGE others,and never will be.<BR> I would like to add a few facts to my story that I guess I should have added right away.<BR> The house that Larry and I built I paid for! I never knew How much money Larry made untill we were divorced. He was making $19.65 an hour and I never seen a dime! Money has never meant much to me as it does not buy happiness! I gave my marriage 150% in the beginning. But you can only give so much with out getting anything in return.Larry did try to work on the marriage BUT only when it was SO far gone there was really NO going back.I had even said to Larry at one point "what is happening to us we are not as close as we use to be" His reply to that was " The only distance we have is the distance you are creating, I am very happy" I think if one is feeling something is wrong in a relationship then they both have to work on things too make that better. And I tried! but I couldn't do it alone.Larry was not perfect and neither was I. I do hope Larry finds Happiness But I also think he needs to find happiness within himself before he can find it anywhere or with anyone else. My Marriage to Larry was his 2nd marriage also. The first marriage for him ended the sameway. To me that is a sign of some problems.<BR> AS far as Todd he made some mistakes and he is paying for them.Poeple Do change. I am not going to defend him for what he did As it was wrong But I will not judge him either we all make mistakes some are just larger mistakes than others.<BR>I do resent the fact that you say Todd is a marriage breaker. My Marriage didnt end do to the affiar The Afair was the result of an unhappy Marriage!<BR> I am Not proud of the choices I made But I wont beat myself up for them anymore either I did enough of that.<BR> Many of you had questioned what I meant when I said (Don't do it for your spouse,kids, Or the other person. Do it for you!) I guess I should have explained myself a bit better there. So I will now<BR> During my marriage many times I felt so alone yet I wasnt I was married. I never imagined myself to be the one to have an affair, Yet I did. I wanted out of the marriage long before Todd, but I was scared, Scared of what people would say and think. My Friends and Family I thought loved larry to death and that was why I stayed. When everything happened I learned differently. Had I known I would have left long before. And the affair would have never been an issue.When Larry and I divorced My Mom told me Larry had been charging her $10.00 an hour for anything she ever asked him to do for her. She is disabled and doesnt have much of an income. She never said anything as she thought I knew (I would have never stood for that !)<BR> So What I was tring to say to those of you who have been involed in an affair. Take the time to find out what it is that YOU want deep down, Before you hurt other poeple that dont need to be hurt.<BR> I will Always hold a specail place in my heart for Larry and I will always Love him but I couldnt live with the pain we had put eachother threw. I do believe we could have survived. But the guilt I felt knowing what I had put him threw was way too much for me to handle. In fact I hit rock bottom 2years ago from the guilt and tried to take my own life.I have since dealt with everything.I have made peace with Larry and with myself.<BR> I came to this board this time, to try to understand how the other person involved feels. The hurt they must also go threw.<BR> When it come to affairs we seem to do alot of blaming. I understand the anger we go threw and how easy it is to blame others for our problems,But I feel we should take a long hard look at everything all the circumstances And I'm sure we would find somewhere we have all made mistakes that lead to such a destructive situation.Or we wouldnt be posting on this board.<BR> As far as Todd and I now, I dont think God lead me have to an affair. I do belive God has a plan for all of us,What ever road we take to get there is our choice sometimes we take the wrong roads. <BR> I meet Todd when I was 12 in our church youth group. We liked eachother but only saw eachother at church youth night once a week.<BR> He was a farm boy and couldnt continue to attened do to chores so we lost touch.<BR>When he was 16 his parents bought him a 50.00 truck for his birthday (according to his mom) the first words out of his mouth were NOW I can get to the town Gina lives in to see her.<BR> We dated for a year and then my Family moved out of state.<BR> Todd had a rough life grewing up.He was great in sports and the interest was there But his Parents would not allow him to play in school sports as they had TOO many chores to do, That is when he became involved with a rough group of friends and the drugs and drinking started.<BR> When I saw him that day I was shocked.Too be honest I had to ask if that was him he looked very rough. I think that is what hit me the hardest.Why I wanted so much to talk to him. And when I did I learned he was still very much the same person (inside)I had cared so much about years ago. I never dreamed what would become and take place. It was the furthest thing from my mind.<BR> I have always been against drugs and will always be. I know when Todd and I were together he WAS NOT using! <BR> I believe addiction is a sickness, and for many it takes hitting rock bottom to be able to come out of it and get help.<BR> I thank GOD for getting Todd the help he so needs and for giving him the inner strengh it took to be honest and face his problems head on.(alot of people can not do that)<BR> I dont know if Todd and I will ever<BR>be together But I am hoping. On the inside he is such a wonderful person and He has always treated me and my children with respect,honesty and love.<BR> As for the signs, I feel this way...<BR> I beleive I meet Larry to settle my life down and it did.My first date with Larry was in July we were Married that December (not enough time to be sure but that was our mistake)Had I meet Todd before Larry I would hate to see how our lives would be now.<BR>I think Todd was caught to find Salvation and get the help he needed. <BR> We have been apart almost 3 years now and I have NO interest in dating or starting a new relationship with anyone. <BR> In my heart I have to know where things stand with him and I first. You may say like many do get over it it's been so long now its OVER, But I know what drugs and drinking can do to someone I lived and learned all about that during my first marriage. I dont want the answers from a addict I want them from the recovering addict.<BR> My Dad who I am very close to And talk to all the time tells me what I have for Todd is total uncondtional love, and I should never give up on my dreams.<BR> When I get lonely and depression starts to creep in I do alot of praying the one thing I always ask for is the strengh to keep holding on and somehow those prayers get answered.<P>Tonight I am going to Pray for all of you who took it upon yourself to judge me and RIPE me apart.<BR> God Bless each and everyone of you!<BR>loveOFmyLife<BR> <BR>

{loveOFmyLife},<P>I do believe that most people(not all) but most don't mean to "judge" people as much as actions/decisions that are detrimental to building/rebuilding a marriage... That's why we're here.<P>Your original story does sound to be in stark contrast to what you've provided in this update...<BR>...and therefore... our comments were set on not knowing the "background" you offered in this later post.<P>From my reading of both posts... they do sound like quite different stories... and of course comments on the first post would most likely have been different if we also read the second post too!<P>----------------------------------------------------------<P>Examples of apparent contradictions...<P>"Larry my 2nd husband was the MOST wonderful caring man I had ever meet"<BR>versus<BR>"Larry did try to work on the marriage BUT only when it was SO far gone there was really NO going back."<P>"<B>we</B> built my dream home"<BR>versus<BR>"The house that Larry and I built I paid for!"<P>"Being Married to larry changed my life in so many ways and all for the better.My Life was final complete."... and "...Larry was working many long hours..."<BR>versus<BR>"He was making $19.65 an hour and I never seen a dime!"<P>"I have to admitt I was content with my life for the first time in years."<BR>versus<BR>"..."what is happening to us we are not as close as we use to be"..."<P>"(my) first (marriage) ended in 1988 after years of abuse."<BR>versus<BR>"The first marriage for him ended the sameway."<P>"Who would have thought just a simple Hello could hurt so many people and destroy so many lives."<BR>versus<BR>"I do resent the fact that you say Todd is a marriage breaker."<P>"Something happened to me that day I will never be able to explain. My knees got weak and I became sick to my stomach I had to go home, All from a simple Hello!"<BR>versus<BR>"My Marriage didnt end do to the affiar The Afair was the result of an unhappy Marriage!"<P>"...he(Todd) asked me to stay with him that night but i told him NO i was married."<BR>versus<BR>"I wanted out of the marriage long before Todd, but I was scared"<P>"She(your sister) told me I was stupid, I was going to loose everything Larry and I had worked for..."<BR>versus<BR>"My Mom told me Larry had been charging her $10.00 an hour for anything she ever asked him to do for her."<P>"The next morning I had No guilt, No remorse, But I was scared I had made up my mind to tell my husband everything and too ask for the only right thing a DIVORCE !"<BR>versus<BR>"I do believe we could have survived."<P>"One of you had asked me why i feel God had lead me in the direction i went and now I will tell you." and "I saw a buillboard the only thing on that sign was written in ORANGE and the back ground was black it said "TODD" that was it I know I am waiting for the right reasons."<BR>versus<BR>"I dont think God lead me have to an affair."<P>"Then we(you and Todd) meet again and that ALL changed he walked away from all of it while we were together.<BR>Sadly but true when we ended so did his new life style."<BR>versus<BR>"I dont know if Todd and I will ever be together But I am hoping."<P>"Hubby(Larry) refused to divorce he told me to go ahead with the affair and to decide soon who it was that I wanted."<BR>versus<BR>"My first date with Larry was in July we were Married that December (not enough time to be sure but that was our mistake)"<P>"It was Larry who calmed my life down, and taught me I was worthy of love and I could be loved.He brought my life to a place I never thought I would be at. But he did."<BR>versus<BR>"My Dad who I am very close to And talk to all the time tells me what I have for Todd is total uncondtional love, and I should never give up on my dreams"<P>------------------------------------------------------------------<P>I hope you can see why <B>some</B> of us responded the way we did...<BR>These two posts have elements that are diametrically opposed to each other.<P>------------------------------------------------------------------<P>You know we'll pray for you... <BR>There isn't anyone who comes here... who isn't hurting... we all know that<BR>...I hope you will grow... from all you've been through...<BR>...maybe through some of the MB principles/concepts you can find "what it takes"... <P>Jim

Wow NSR,<P>Great post. A lot of work went into that one.<P>Now LOML...Please read and re-read what NSR wrote to you. I have to say from experience, he is the first one here to defend betrayers. He always takes a stand when someone has been treated unfairly, but he is trying to teach you something here, and if you ignore it you are doing yourself and your children a huge disfavor.<P>We are all here to learn. Now is your opportunity to do that and not keep making mistakes in your life. <P>allison<P>

NSR<BR> Thank you. I wish I had taken more time than I did to write my first post.<BR>The story although confusing ( I Know) is all true. I dont know if you are the betrayer OR the betrayed in your situation But from everything I went threw I can tell you now. It is so hard for me to look back and remember everything in order things happened so fast. Alot of the things I dont even remember. It was almost like i wasnt there(sounds crazy i know) But it is so true. As for some of the things you feel i contradicted myself on Please let me explain<BR> in the beginning of mine and larry's relationship it was wonderful he was wonderful we were always together never apart. But when things started to go bad (before the affair)Larry refused to believe we had a problem because he was happy i guess he thought I should have been also.But I wasnt! and it wasnt untill the affair he really tried to fix things.I had been unhappy for a long time I guess i emotionally left the marriage.<BR> Our dream home- yes we built it we made the plans we picked the colors,location, eveything but I paid for it! Actually my Grandma took out the loan with me as Larry couldnt get a loan he had filed Bankruptcy 2years before that when HIS first marriage ended. However I made the payments to the bank.<BR>Being Married to Larry did change my life we chose to keep drinking and the bars Out of our marriage. Larry's job did require him too put many hours of overtime in. As for what Larry Made an hour I was also shocked. we had our checking account BUT he also had his own. Our checking account together was my business account. I did very well with my daycare.I knew Larry paid support and i trusted him i never thought anything of it.I would still like to know where Larry's money went I have my thoughts But no facts.<BR> As I said in the beginning I was content with my life I loved being married but I got tired of being lonely!<BR>Yes my first marriage was abusive and ended as a result. However Larry's 1st Marriage ended because his 1st wife also had an affair and is today married to the man she left Larry for.<BR>Simple Hello Was just that a hello i didnt plan to have this all happen It was a SHOCK to many as was to myself it was totally out of wack for me!<BR>As for what I felt when I seen him(todd) I spent alot of time thinking about that before I acted on it I had to know i thought maybe things just had to have closeure, Whatever it was I need to know why i felt that way.<BR>When todd asked me to stay that night even tho part of me wanted to I still have Values believe it or not at that point I had No intention of breaking my VOWS!<BR> My parents are NO longer Married and my sister is from a prior marriage of my fathers her and My mother have NO contact!<BR> as for my feeling No remorse or guilt the next day thats sad but true. And I do think Larry and I could have survived, that I learned from this Forum ALL things are possible!<BR> I dont feel god lead my too have an affair, the billboard thing happened this past Feb. The Affair was 3 years ago!<BR> yes I am hoping Todd and I can be together again someday. while we were together(affair)he was not using, But when we ended so did his sobriety. which is why he is now where he is(jail)And going for treatment I may add!<BR> Larry wouldn't agree to a divorce I filed twice but he would plead with me to try I felt bad. I was torn I felt awful about the way I hurt him.(not at first but towards the end)<BR> I guess i should say it was marriage that changed my life, But larry did teach me love and In the beginning I him.<BR>As for my dad he is the greatest he would NEVER judge anyone he is very honest with us and speaks his mind and he wasnt happy with me at first. He is very supportive in our wants and choices in life. weather they be right or wrong He is ALWAYS there.<BR> I hope things are more understandable now. As far as growing I have grown from this AFFAIRS what a way to mess up alot of lifes. A choice I wish I would have never taken But I did. And I have to live with that now, and I am.

LOML,<BR> I think your name is very fitting for you. YOU are the LOVE of YOUR life. Go back and count how many times you use the word "I" in your "Book". There is BARELY a sentence that DOESN'T have the word "I" in it!!!!!!<P> Your first H, then Larry, then Todd. Stood by YOU while you MAINLY loved YOU. <BR> Maybe when you and Todd (OM) first met you had a chance. BUT, now? TRUE love will NEVER EVER EVER EVER be built around the hurt and deceit and lying that you two have created together. <BR>YOU SAID: "My Marriage didn't end do to the affair The Affair was the result of an unhappy Marriage!"<BR> How silly a thought. Do the words "For better and for worse.... EVER mean anything to you?<P> I predict that if you and Todd DO get together, it will only be a matter of time till YOU (The I, me , mine girl) find fault with old Todd the LOYL and this too will end in the same manner. The big D!!<BR> Until you are mature enough to put someone ELSE'S needs BEFORE yours. This will keep happening.<BR> Larry made mistakes. He did the RIGHT thing in TRYING to make amends. YOU on the other hand never REALLY tried, you just thought of YOUR happiness and NOT Larry's and certainly NOT your children's and NOT the vows you took in front of God and your family.<BR> Speaking of your children. What lessons have these POOR children learned from you? When the going gets tough, Mom gets going?<BR>That it's OK to have an affair as long as you're Marriage is not making YOU happy? I hope when they get older they can forgive you for bouncing them around from man (Daddy) to man their whole lives. And PLEASE don't beat yourself up over this. You are entitled to happiness aren't you? <P> I mean, YOU are that's for sure!! You're children, you're first H (I think this abuse was an excuse you're conjered up over the years and even believe it yourself now!) Poor Larry who took you AND your children and gave them a family (Until YOU weren't happy anymore of course) that's a GOOD man and you must have had a very special relationship for that to work and ALL the families involved that have been torn between you and so many other situations thrown at them for YOUR happiness even Todd.<BR> Wow, and all this was sent from GOD himself. He's a little confused too God is I guess <P> Sister, take the IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMINEMINEMMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE out of your life and God will bless you. Try and think of SOMEONE other than YOU and maybe, just maybe someday you will find happiness in making someone ELSE happy other than, you guessed it........YOU<P> I will pray for you all, esspecially.........you're poor children. GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by loveOFmyLife:<BR><B>I am just shocked at the replies You all left. A year ago this board was WONDERFUL!<BR>I have NO idea what has happened here But I have NEVER been a person to JUDGE others,and never will be.<BR> I would like to add a few facts to my story that I guess I should have added right away. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>LoveOfMyLife,<BR>I hope I don't offend you by writing this, but.....<BR>Seeing what NSR wrote about contradiction in your 2 postings makes me feel that maybe your first post is the one which is closest to the truth (even if some hard facts probably were more accurate in post2). <P>The reason why I wanted to respond was because I suddenly remembered a very enlightening post by Bystander in this thread:<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985-2.html" TARGET=_blank>50 signs your spouse is having an affair</A> <P>It said:<BR>"The amnesia about good times in a marriage happens in deteriorating marriages, regardless of infidelity. This unsettling (but fascinating) phenomenon is discussed by John Gottman in his latest book. The short version is that people will rewrite their entire marital history to justify their conduct. "<BR><P>------------------<BR>Scandinavian<BR>scandinavian@my-deja.com

LOML,<BR>I am not judging you. I am judging your actions as Jim said. The Bible says that you will know a tree by its fruit. If you objectively look at your fruit what would you be saying. Remember we ALL have sinned and come short of the glory of God. NOT ONE of us is sinless. I struggle with sinning as well because it is natural for us to do so because we are ALL born into sin because of Adam's actions.<P>Yet, it is UNNATURAL for us to do God's will. It results in being called judging and uncaring. But the same was said of Jesus. Yet, as He died on the cross He said Father forgive them for they know not waht they do. The key to being a Christian is listening to all that is said and acting on that which is true both the good and the bad. The good lets you know that you are getting better at letting Jesus be the LORD of your life. The bad are the things that God is telling you that He wants you to work on. <P>It is key to know that God uses everyone and everything in your life to communicate to you. The question is are you listening to Him. MOST of us DON'T listen to Him because we are to busy trying to be HAPPY rather than being obedient.<P>I have tried to say this as gently as I possibly can. God loves you and so do I: thus my responding to your posts. If I were in your presence, I would listen because I feel that is what you need more than anything else. I know my W needs this but at the same time it is important to hear the truth. Your hear the truth by reading His word so that He an speak to you directly.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

Seems to me since LOML didn't get the responses of praise that she was expecting she turned the story into a negative one on Larry. Typical of betrayers, turn it around so it's everyone's else's fault.

LOML<P>Sorry Princess. Didnt mean to "judge" you.<BR>But, one thing, from what I can decipher of your story, you cheated, you divorced, and you still wuvs Todd....Is that it?<P>If so, there are some wonderful websites devoted to just that! The "ladies" there will applaud your every utterance....not a slam or a "judgment" will you hear. Why dont ya check em out?<P>As for your prayers for me...ahhhh...thanks anyway......

What I have seen here reminds me of what bugs me about daytime talk shows. People come on these shows and tell their life's story. When the audience gives their opinion, it makes these people mad. If opinions aren't what the guest wants to hear, the audience is accused of being judgemental. I don't get it. If you don't want comments made about your life, don't share the details in a place that is just for that reason! Would you accuse anyone of being judgemental if we all agreed with the mess you're making of your life and the lives of those around you?<P>I think "love" and "lust" have been confused here. Lust is short term, based on the surface, in other words, it's shallow. Love is long term, based on the heart, in other words, takes commitment and work. Lust is selfish, love is selfless. <P>I think it would be a good idea for you to focus on your children and try to repair the mess you have made of their lives. Leave Larry, Todd, and any other man who happens to wink at you alone.

NSR, it's wonderful that you took the time to go thru LOML's story so thoroughly - Love, maybe you'll read what Jim is saying and see your life a little differently.<P>I understand the basic premise of what you were trying to say in your second post - that Larry, though a good man, wasn't Mr. Perfect, either. But what I hear the others saying, (without all the nasty vibes echoing off their own hurt, tortured souls) was that all of Larry's quirks didn't justify the hurt you caused in the end. I think the few who do care here ask you to look closer at yourself to examine why you caused so much pain. Mistakes CAN be made again, especially if you don't know what the heck you did wrong the first time. <P>I tell you this as someone who cannot point a single finger at you in judgement, and as someone who will tell you like it is. I am still here for you, LOML.<P>Xman, your countenance here is cruel beyond reason. I read your initial post from February as well as other posts you have made, you sounded like a decent enough guy then. Plus I know you know what it feels like to take a big risk and SAY what is weighing on your mind - even if others might not like it. You were given a fair trial and lots of support with your issues, controversial as some may think they are let's see you give some of that back. <P>Nuff said.<P>Carrie <BR> <p>[This message has been edited by Khyra (edited June 09, 2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by loveOFmyLife:<BR><B>I am just shocked at the replies You all left. A year ago this board was WONDERFUL!<BR>I have NO idea what has happened here But I have NEVER been a person to JUDGE others,and never will be.<BR> I would like to add a few facts to my story that I guess I should have added right away.<BR> The house that Larry and I built I paid for! I never knew How much money Larry made untill we were divorced. He was making $19.65 an hour and I never seen a dime! Money has never meant much to me as it does not buy happiness! I gave my marriage 150% in the beginning. But you can only give so much with out getting anything in return.Larry did try to work on the marriage BUT only when it was SO far gone there was really NO going back.I had even said to Larry at one point "what is happening to us we are not as close as we use to be" His reply to that was " The only distance we have is the distance you are creating, I am very happy" I think if one is feeling something is wrong in a relationship then they both have to work on things too make that better. And I tried! but I couldn't do it alone.Larry was not perfect and neither was I. I do hope Larry finds Happiness But I also think he needs to find happiness within himself before he can find it anywhere or with anyone else. My Marriage to Larry was his 2nd marriage also. The first marriage for him ended the sameway. To me that is a sign of some problems.<BR> AS far as Todd he made some mistakes and he is paying for them.Poeple Do change. I am not going to defend him for what he did As it was wrong But I will not judge him either we all make mistakes some are just larger mistakes than others.<BR>I do resent the fact that you say Todd is a marriage breaker. My Marriage didnt end do to the affiar The Afair was the result of an unhappy Marriage!<BR> I am Not proud of the choices I made But I wont beat myself up for them anymore either I did enough of that.<BR> Many of you had questioned what I meant when I said (Don't do it for your spouse,kids, Or the other person. Do it for you!) I guess I should have explained myself a bit better there. So I will now<BR> During my marriage many times I felt so alone yet I wasnt I was married. I never imagined myself to be the one to have an affair, Yet I did. I wanted out of the marriage long before Todd, but I was scared, Scared of what people would say and think. My Friends and Family I thought loved larry to death and that was why I stayed. When everything happened I learned differently. Had I known I would have left long before. And the affair would have never been an issue.When Larry and I divorced My Mom told me Larry had been charging her $10.00 an hour for anything she ever asked him to do for her. She is disabled and doesnt have much of an income. She never said anything as she thought I knew (I would have never stood for that !)<BR> So What I was tring to say to those of you who have been involed in an affair. Take the time to find out what it is that YOU want deep down, Before you hurt other poeple that dont need to be hurt.<BR> I will Always hold a specail place in my heart for Larry and I will always Love him but I couldnt live with the pain we had put eachother threw. I do believe we could have survived. But the guilt I felt knowing what I had put him threw was way too much for me to handle. In fact I hit rock bottom 2years ago from the guilt and tried to take my own life.I have since dealt with everything.I have made peace with Larry and with myself.<BR> I came to this board this time, to try to understand how the other person involved feels. The hurt they must also go threw.<BR> When it come to affairs we seem to do alot of blaming. I understand the anger we go threw and how easy it is to blame others for our problems,But I feel we should take a long hard look at everything all the circumstances And I'm sure we would find somewhere we have all made mistakes that lead to such a destructive situation.Or we wouldnt be posting on this board.<BR> As far as Todd and I now, I dont think God lead me have to an affair. I do belive God has a plan for all of us,What ever road we take to get there is our choice sometimes we take the wrong roads. <BR> I meet Todd when I was 12 in our church youth group. We liked eachother but only saw eachother at church youth night once a week.<BR> He was a farm boy and couldnt continue to attened do to chores so we lost touch.<BR>When he was 16 his parents bought him a 50.00 truck for his birthday (according to his mom) the first words out of his mouth were NOW I can get to the town Gina lives in to see her.<BR> We dated for a year and then my Family moved out of state.<BR> Todd had a rough life grewing up.He was great in sports and the interest was there But his Parents would not allow him to play in school sports as they had TOO many chores to do, That is when he became involved with a rough group of friends and the drugs and drinking started.<BR> When I saw him that day I was shocked.Too be honest I had to ask if that was him he looked very rough. I think that is what hit me the hardest.Why I wanted so much to talk to him. And when I did I learned he was still very much the same person (inside)I had cared so much about years ago. I never dreamed what would become and take place. It was the furthest thing from my mind.<BR> I have always been against drugs and will always be. I know when Todd and I were together he WAS NOT using! <BR> I believe addiction is a sickness, and for many it takes hitting rock bottom to be able to come out of it and get help.<BR> I thank GOD for getting Todd the help he so needs and for giving him the inner strengh it took to be honest and face his problems head on.(alot of people can not do that)<BR> I dont know if Todd and I will ever<BR>be together But I am hoping. On the inside he is such a wonderful person and He has always treated me and my children with respect,honesty and love.<BR> As for the signs, I feel this way...<BR> I beleive I meet Larry to settle my life down and it did.My first date with Larry was in July we were Married that December (not enough time to be sure but that was our mistake)Had I meet Todd before Larry I would hate to see how our lives would be now.<BR>I think Todd was caught to find Salvation and get the help he needed. <BR> We have been apart almost 3 years now and I have NO interest in dating or starting a new relationship with anyone. <BR> In my heart I have to know where things stand with him and I first. You may say like many do get over it it's been so long now its OVER, But I know what drugs and drinking can do to someone I lived and learned all about that during my first marriage. I dont want the answers from a addict I want them from the recovering addict.<BR> My Dad who I am very close to And talk to all the time tells me what I have for Todd is total uncondtional love, and I should never give up on my dreams.<BR> When I get lonely and depression starts to creep in I do alot of praying the one thing I always ask for is the strengh to keep holding on and somehow those prayers get answered.<P>Tonight I am going to Pray for all of you who took it upon yourself to judge me and RIPE me apart.<BR> God Bless each and everyone of you!<BR>loveOFmyLife<BR> </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Just so you know we are not all "Judgers" you may want to check my recent posts in Prayer requests, Infidelity questions, and emotional needs. I just landed here at the end of May so there is not a lot of sifting to do.<BR>

I have been coming to this board for like 2 years and have known about Dr. Harely's work even longer. But I have to agree with Beyond Depressed. Lots of people come on here bearing their souls and asking for 'suggestions', 'comments', whatever to help them. But but if your reply isn't what they want to hear.......well then you are being a judgemental horses a.., a dummy, you should MYOB! <P>I used to offer very sincere suggestions based on my experiences as the betrayed spouse in a 28 year marriage spouse. I also offered 'lessons learned' about the 2+ year successful recovery of my marriage after my wife's internet based infidelities. Hell I even used to give out my email and sometimes even my office and home phone #s and actually talked to people I thought I could help. <P>But after too many times of reading posts back to me like "How dare you say that! and "What do you know about MY situation?", and the ever popular "Who are you to judge me?" in response to a reply I posted to genuinely help someone or a couple........now I lurk and bite my tongue. And sometimes it is very very difficult, it's like watching your kid about to walk off the end of a pier and not being able to yell "STOP, YOU'RE ABOUT TO FALL IN THE OCEAN!".<BR>Whatever.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by NeverAgain:<BR><B>I have been coming to this board for like 2 years and have known about Dr. Harely's work even longer. But I have to agree with Beyond Depressed. Lots of people come on here bearing their souls and asking for 'suggestions', 'comments', whatever to help them. But but if your reply isn't what they want to hear.......well then you are being a judgemental horses a.., a dummy, you should MYOB! <P>I used to offer very sincere suggestions based on my experiences as the betrayed spouse in a 28 year marriage spouse. I also offered 'lessons learned' about the 2+ year successful recovery of my marriage after my wife's internet based infidelities. Hell I even used to give out my email and sometimes even my office and home phone #s and actually talked to people I thought I could help. <P>But after too many times of reading posts back to me like "How dare you say that! and "What do you know about MY situation?", and the ever popular "Who are you to judge me?" in response to a reply I posted to genuinely help someone or a couple........now I lurk and bite my tongue. And sometimes it is very very difficult, it's like watching your kid about to walk off the end of a pier and not being able to yell "STOP, YOU'RE ABOUT TO FALL IN THE OCEAN!".<BR>Whatever.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>A response of how dare you judge me is an indication of a LACK OF repentence. God says it is okay to judge ACTIONS because He says you will know a tree by its fruit. Yet, we don't have the authority to judge the person, i.e., condemn them to hell. Only Jesus has that authority because it was given to Him by the Father. It is a LOVING reponse to let someone know when they still are going down the path to eternal damnation.<P>I know this sounds really strong but playing with your salvation is no joke. I would much rather be called on the carpet now while I have the opportunity to correct my ways than to meet Jesus on judgement day to find that I was completely and utterly wrong and go to hell because I was to busy wanting someone to support my sinful nature. <B>It is natural to sin because we ALL are born into sin. It is UNNATURAL to do God's will. As a matter of fact you are called a self righteous holier than thou etc. ... whoshould be showing love. Yet, not correcting someone who needs correction is NOT showing love. It is showing hatred for that person because you want and let them continue down the path that keads to destruction.</B><P>I know I don't always use the most pleasant words to coax someone back on track. Yet, I have found in some instances it is necessary to be harder than in others because it takes the shock to get some to see the error of their ways. I know God has used a 2X4 on me on numerous occassions because the gentle approach just would not work because of <B>MY pigheadedness.</B> What is needed is the truth which comes only from getting to know Jesus through reading the Bible and study of the word with others because He reveals a little to everyone thus the need to share.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net