how to handle a situation......my stb is taking our children (Son,11 & Daughter 12) camping this weekend. The ow is also going. The children do not like her, they say that she’s always around, they don’t get the time wanted with their father. I try and explain to them that they have to bring this up with him. Well, they can’t tell him. They are afraid he’ll get mad at them. Yell, and tell them that this is his friend. They are also afraid that he won’t love them anymore. He doesn’t love mom, so mom must have said something to get him to not love her anymore......anyway, I’ve told them that they have to be the ones to say something. They want me to do it. I’ve explained to them that if I do it he won’t believe me. <BR>He had asked the kids a few weeks ago if her going camping would bother them. They both said no. When deep down they don’t want her to go. They don't want him to be mad at them.<P>So I asked the kids if it would help if I would be there when they explained this to him. They agreed. So I e-mailed stb and told him that we need to talk about something with the kids. I’m not sure if I should be involved or not. Should I leave it up to them to do? Do I tell him that her being around so much is bothering the kids, They only get to see him every other weekend and once a week. They want to spend time with him, not his friend. <BR>Will this just push him to force the kids to be with the two of them? Will he respect the kids wishes……<BR>The children have said, they’ve never been mean to her, they just don’t like her, and she’s always there. They want time with their father.......anyone with any suggestions???????????<BR>thanks<BR>las <BR> <P><BR>

Las,<P>I think you have every right in the world to be the voice for your children. I know betrayers don't want to hear what we have to say, but if the kids can't tell him...what choice do you have? I guess it's the way you tell him that's important. Just remember..no disrespectful judgements or angry outbursts. If you could explain it to him as rationally as you did in your post you'll be ok.<P>Just a side note...my 17yo son has pierced both ears, stayed out all nite 3 times, quit his job, changed his mind about going to college...in the one month since his dad moved out of the house. Dad says this is all normal teenage stuff and has nothing to do with him leaving. <P>These betrayers will do and say anything to justify their behavior. It just blows me away, but your H needs to be spending time with his two confused kids right now. He can see the homewrecker the other 5 days a week.<BR>

Do your children use email?<P>Maybe they can email their dad and say "Dad, we would like to find time with you, alone. I don't want you to feel bad or anything, but all these changes so fast has us feeling very confused and odd, and we think that spending time with you alone will be better for us, right now."<P>They aren't attacking OW that way, and it won't be misconstrued that you are the one trying to interfere. I think if you are present with them when they tell their dad, may be misconstrued by your husband. And, if you are going to plan A your butt off, you don't want to be in anyway present or part of any type of negative impression with your husband.<P>You want your time with your husband to be the most pleasant and peaceful time - so that he does not associate negatives with your memory in any way.<P>Yes, you have "rights" to help your children speak, but you also need to think about how recently you sent that blow-up letter, and it seems like it is too soon to add more jumk to the pot of memories with you.<P>Just my opinion.<BR>TNT

az<BR>Yes i do have that right. I really, really have to be careful here. The kids have told me that their father has said to them, how much ow is "trying hard" for them to like her. Can you imagine telling that to a child....i just don't get it sometimes. Duh for her!<P> <BR>Like tnt said, maybe having them e-mail him would be better. I just got through e-mailin stb an awful e-mail.....LB's all over the place. so maybe if i go with the kids e-mailing and helping them with that it would be the best route. <BR>Thanks!<BR>las<P>