My husband has been seeing a counselor for five weeks, I have been seeing one for 5 months - he was the betrayer. <P>We each see our own one, but they are a husband and wife team that specialize in family and marriage counseling together. <P>He came home from his last session and told me his counselor wants to see me alone - we were supposed to go together next - we hadn't gotten that far, but were working towards couple counseling. My husband is worried about me seeing his counselor and told me last night to cancel and not go - he said "he'll ruin everything " - (?)<P>On Tuesday at my lasty appointment with my counselor - she told me what to expect and that Jeff wanted me to make a list of what goals I have in this relationship. As we talked, I learned that he is lying to his counselor (not a surprise - he hasn't been able to tell a truthful thing since I found out, or actually, since it started) I'm not sure what to expect, but I don't think it will be pretty. I can't lie - my husband knows that. I don't think he expected me to see his counselor - he said when he started he didn't want me there, and he certainly doesn't want me there alone to tell ALL of the story. <P>I just want the truth when I ask! If he can't tell me the truth or be truthful - what hope is there in a relationship. I'm afraid this meeting is just going to throw it all back at me - I still don't handle it well - the pain is great and the wound is raw. <P>Sorry for rambling - the stress/anticipation is just getting to me - this site has been my salvaltion on many of the lowest times. I don't know if this meeting is going to help or hurt - I'm afraid he will feel like we are all ganging up on him...so confused... <BR>

To the top<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited June 08, 2000).]

Thanks, I feel like if I don't go it will stall the process, so I am ready to go, but I can here the apprehension and 'please don't' in my husbands voice (he's out of town). <P>I have met the counselor while waiting for my appointment. He seems very nice. My counselor said I didn't have to go if I wasn't ready, but I want to move forward - it's been 6 months and I do not feel any better - I see us falling back into the same ole' routine and that's not what I want. <P>It is so frustrating because my husband can't seem to not lie about simple things - he knows he's caught, but continues to insist he is not lying. How do you deal with that? without truth - there can be no trust in my mind - that is what I'll tell the counselor tonight. <P>The two counselors do talk alot and share the info, I think that helps, it's just the appearance I'm afraid of us all ganging up on him. <P>But, in my mind - I have some questions he has avoided since discovery that I need answers to, truthful ones and I'm about to approach it again with him. I think as long as he with holds the truth from me he thinks he can keep me in the relationship, but not this time. I'd rather know the truth and deal with it than listen to lie after lie - that hurts the most. <P>I find it amazing he just plain can't tell the truth - he knows I know he's lying - he keeps on.... It makes me very sad.

Sounds like you are ready for the truth and what it all means and your H is not. Mine was the same way... is the same way. He STILL hasn't stopped the lying. But, have some hope. At least your H has been in counseling a long time and seems willing to continue. Mine went to two sessions with two different counselors 3 months apart! I'd say you have a huge lead on us. Lots of reasons to be encouraged.<P>In reality, it will probably get worse before it gets better, but it does get better. The truth he feels he needs to hide is probably ugly, but I am sure you will also feel some relief. Not knowing makes you crazy! Knowing gives you something concrete to work with. <P>I wish you luck. Sounds like you are in good hands and are ready for the next step.

Well, all that worrying for nothing...as I was walking out the door - the counselor called and his wife (my regular counselor) was admitted to the hospital today - she is having a difficult pregnancy, and he had to cancel. <P>We talked for about 15 minutes and I was honest about my expectations for the future. He has given me some ideas about my H's frame of mind - it is not where mine is - and I told the counselor as long as he's lying, there is no future. <P>He doesn't want me to address my big issues with H without one of them in the room with us. But - it has been 16 years of this cr'' and my patience is gone. I need to know now so I can move forward. <P>He wants to do a phone session before my husbands appointment next Thursday. I will probably call - otherwise we delay again for a couple more weeks.