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#384356 06/09/00 09:14 AM
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man oh man, my W and I went to see our marriage counselor yesterday, and she said some things I thought I'd never hear from her. (btw, I've been hanging out in divorcing/divorced forum; we just need to sign the papers and get a court date).<BR> She told the counselor that the OM could have been ANYbody, and that she now realizes that. She also said they've been having trouble trying to find a house or an apartment because everything is too expensive (houses) or they don't accept dogs (apartment; he has a dog). She also told him that they've been fighting a lot over various things. She then stated that she doesn't know what she's going to do if her and him fail, but she's trying to work on a relationship with him.<BR> She then reminded me that if things don't work out with him, she does not want to move back in the house with me and the kids...well, 'me' specifically.<BR> Maybe the scales are tilting back in my favor...we'll have to wait and see what time holds in store for us...<P>theo<P>

#384357 06/09/00 09:18 AM
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btw, when she said she didn't want to move back in, my pride got the best of me and I replied "I wouldn't want you back anyway".<P>....D'oh! Somedays I do feel that way, but I do know that I love her and miss her and those are just 'angry' feelings. I felt as if I'd come across as a sap if I said, "oh, I want us to be together; the door's open". Jeesh, maybe I was a sap for having a sharp tongue...<P>theo

#384358 06/09/00 09:33 AM
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Theo,<P>Welcome back. In spite of the impending finalization, things do sound like the other relationship is cracking. She is even thinking of outcomes in the event of their failure (very positive). Don't let her comment about not moving in with you get you. Keep up the Plan A! Can you stall the signing?<P>My experience with my own situation is that once the cracks form, they can grow very rapidly (like in a sheet of glass). As they grow, she will begin to show more postive signs towards you. The Plan A will make her feel welcome and protected.<P>Prayers for you.

#384359 06/09/00 09:35 AM
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Hi Theo,<P>I don't think that I've replied to your Post before...<P>After reading this post, it definitely sounds like (for your W), the grass is getting dry & burnt on the other side of the fence.<P>I'm very surprised that both of you are still going to therapy. Are you both going because there is a hope for reconciliation?<P>It sounds like you still want your W back, however that comment you made about NOT wanting her back, might be branded in her mind.<P>Maybe there is a chance that she wants to come home. Can you write her a letter OR meet and talk with her privately, that if she wants to have another chance at the marriage, then to come home and both of you can work on it?<P>I don't mean like beg or plead....just an open invitation...let her know that the door is open and in the meantime, let her know that YOU are safe and your home is a safe place to be too.<P>It sounds like she is confused and frustrated, and is realizing that the OM was NOT the answer to her problems.

#384360 06/09/00 09:40 AM
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by NoTrust:<P>I'm very surprised that both of you are still going to therapy. Are you both going because there is a hope for reconciliation?<P> NT, we haven't been going to counseling for reconciliation purposes; it's for guidance so that we make sure we make decisions that keep 'what's best for the children' at the forefront...we've been doing a very good of that thus far.<P>

#384361 06/09/00 09:52 PM
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Hey There Theo,<P>Wondered what became of you...thought I scared you off after all my prattling at you!!!!! <P>Glad to see you still around.....<P>It's fantastic that you two are in counseling, for whatever the purpose!!!<P>With communication, comes hope and chances....take advantage of it!!!!<P>Of course, you know that means you have to get rid of the Lovebusters though, right? C'mon, you can do it!! It's not a punching match.....just cuz she zings you (you perceive) doesn't mean you should zing her!!! <P>Kids do that....remember the old "I'm rubber, you're glue....."!!!!!<P>Nah, nah, nah.nah, nah!!!! <P>You are much too smart for that...<P>I believe in you and you should too!!!<P>OK, off the lecturn!!!! LOL!!!<P>How have you been handling things, really? How's it going with the kids and the house, etc.....<P>How are your emotions? Have you sorted most out or still in the process?<P>Gosh, I am so glad you're around still!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

#384362 06/12/00 08:53 AM
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Gonnatry, thanks for the encouraging words. I could probably stall the signing, but a dissolution doesn't necessarily mean the end of everything right? I would almost rather get remarried to her (her return would certainly be conditional, as she has a lot of demons to exorcise within herself) instead of plugging holes in this ship. Is that weird? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Sheba, yep I'm still around and no you didn't scare me off! I've taken your replies to my posts as the best advice out there (which includes our counselor and both of our families)...not trying to put you on a pedestal, but you are straight and honest and seem to know exactly what to say. Thanks! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>As I stated earlier, I've been hanging out in the divorcing/divorced forum, as we've pretty much nailed everything down. Just the signing and court appearance are on the agenda. The kids are doing great...they're taking it as well as they can. We're staying in the house (she wants to be off the mortgage completely) and she's paying me $180.00/month right now (she works part-time). The joint lawyer session went pretty smoothly; I'm actually expecting to get money back from my lawyer because we worked everything out in an hour.<P>I guess I'm in the anger stage (probably just came out of denial), which makes it that much more difficult not to LB. But I need to recognize that and be more careful next time.<P>The kids and I are going to North Carolina on Friday for a week for a vacation with my mother and sisters (there'll be fifteen of us in a beach house), so I'm looking forward to the time off....<P>All for now...I'll keep y'all updated!<P>take care,<BR>theo<P><BR>


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