I haven't named this post yet but maybe the name will come to me while I am posting.<BR>I know I haven't been here in a long time and it must seem as if that I only post when I have a problem. I would have to say that I am guilty on that observation. But staying on the board alot can cause problems too. Having said that let me get to the problem this time.<P>I have had the most emotionally draining month I can remember in a long time. Well, actually just about a year or a little more { during the affair }. There have been many illnesses and surgeries within my family my H & S included. But the worst by far has been my grandmother. She has been in hospital for a month now and at the brink of death several times. <P>I have been like a chicken with its head cut off running around here trying to take care of everyone and everything. My H hasn't been of the greatest help. He has been watching the kids for me and letting them tear my house down around him with no effort to help at all. This is bothering me greatly.<P>Not to mention the fact that he hasn't been all that supportive emotionally through all of this either. Actually, he seems to at time resent the fact that I have been at the hospital with my grandmother because I haven't been stuck up his A** I guess.<P>Now to add insult to injury... there was a number that came across his beeper that is right down the street from his OW of last year. I wouldn't have thought that he was doing anything wrong really but who knows? I didn't before either! I hate the thoughts of going through this again! And I have already decided that I won't, that I will go straight to the courts this time and follow through with a divorce.<P>However this is my question. There should be no way whatsoever that the OW should have this beeper # as he got it when he started his new job and that was well past the time that the affair was suppose to have ended. The strange thing is that it was just down the street from her sister's house. <P>So, I have decided to take a couple of drives and if by chance her car would be there at this address {I looked it up and got the address} that it would pretty much prove to me that something was going on that probally shouldnt' be. Would you agree?<P>Thanks Genie

Genie,<BR>How about just asking your H? I realize if he is doing something that might send him "underground"...but you guys have been through this enough that you need to work on the communication skills that need to go along with recovery.<P>I'm sorry about your Grandmother...added stress makes recovery even more difficult.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

You're probably likely to get conflicting advice on this. It seems like a LB to do that, but after being bitten once, I don't blame you for being cautious and checking things out. I turned my head to a lot of stuff that felt weird because I trusted my H and thought the little things were no big deal. Those little things hid a really big picture though. <P>If it were me, I'd check it out.

Thank you for your replies!!!<P>I have decided to check it out for the sake of my own sanity. <P>As far as communication.... it doesn't work for me but he sure does want to be listened to if he has an issue. Things just seem so one sided. On my side... I bust my rear end and he sits on his!<P>As far as being bitten once before... I have been bitten way more than once!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>It's a shame... I can't trust my H as far as I can through him. And I can't help but think that is no way to have a successful relationship but that is just how I feel and its not b/c I am crazy but rather b/c that is the type of world his constant lies and betrayal have created for us.<P>Any more opinions?<P>

Bless your heart Genie, I know exactly how you feel. I hate being suspicious, finding those things that "just don't seem quite right", and have to waste my time considering yet another betrayal. The indecision whether to ask about it or check into it can be maddening. Everything seems to be magnified. It's like wanting to see the 18 wheel truck that's going to run over you before it does. Knowing that it's about to happen doesn't change the fact. It's like a deer watching the truck that's going to kill it. But for some reason, I want to know. <P>I'm in the midst of a major LB and my H has withdrawn my LoveBank to about a negative $500 million. On top of that, today because of business reasons, he will be spending the day in a room with her. He didn't bother to call during their lunch break. Ugh!<P>I don't blame you for checking the situation out. I would discretly do the same.<P>

Genie,<P>Hey friend, sorry it's been so long...<P>How is Gram?<BR>How is son?<BR>How is your H recovering from his surgery?<P>I'm ok...more later...<P>I see no problem with doing a little recon...but are you really ready to find out the worst???<P>Have you gotton H to do a PJA??<P>Surely there is negotiating space in all this...<P>Also remember when we don't put our marriage first bad things tend to happen...<P>E-mail me when you get time.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

{{{{{Genie29}}}}},<P>First of all... I'm sorry you're going through so much... and for your grandmother's state.<P>---------------------------------------------<P>Finding out the facts are themselves not a love buster...<P>...what you do about it could be...<P>...if you can't avoid the love buster... and those to come...<BR>...bite the toungue one last time...<BR>...draft that Plan B letter...<BR>...develop a plan for separation...<BR>...and simplify your life.<P>If you can keep away from the love buster...<BR>...do so...<BR>...you're stronger than you think...<BR>...you've just been beaten down a bit from circumstances...<P>You have my prayers... <P>Jim

UPDATE....<P>Sorry it has been so long since getting back to you guys but things have gone from bad to good to worse.<P>I did some checking on that # and I even did a drive by and I thought that I had seen the OW there but I don't think it was her now. I had only seen her once and that was only for about 3 minutes over a year and a half ago. Plus, I also called the # and asked for her and it was clearly not her #. Thank Goodness. That is where it got a little bad and then got better.<P>As far as the rest, well I thank each of you for you thoughts and kind words for my grandmother but I sadly report that she passed away last Sunday morning.<P>Her death took me by complete surprise as we were under the impression that she was getting so much better. She was sitting up in bed and feeding herself and everything.<P>My H and I took the kids on an overnight kayaking trip this past weekend and when we returned, I found out that she had passed away. It has been a very hard, guilt ridden, sad, tear filled several days. I still just can't believe she is gone. She was like a mother to me much more so than a grandmother.<P>Well, I must go now but I just wanted to update you guys on what I didn't uncover.<P>Genie