My H's sister is currently going throught some very hard times w/her husband of 3 yrs. They have a 9 mo. old baby and he suddenly doesn't want any part of the baby or his wife. <P>She's pretty sure he's having an EA or PA. He's got secret emails, spends lots of private time on the computer, goes out w/friends --sometimes to strip clubs, gets calls from woman friend from a prior job on cell phone.<P>My sister-in-law revealed this to me as she reached out to help me w/ my own marriage (currently in recovery-Thank God!). I've given her some basic advice based on what worked for me, concepts from this site and also directed her to this site.<P>I also recommended she and H visit the priest that married them for counseling. The priest was a good friend of the H's father. Believe it or not, a priests words seemed to shake the most sense into my WS. The priest said-- "You have chosen to be married and have children. You can't be acting as if you don't have a marriage. This is the commitment you made. You can't listen to the world (i.e. tv, movies, peers, etc.) that it is ok to have affairs, ok to live for the moment, for yourself, etc. It is just not healthy for people or families to live like this. Just straighten yourself up and do the right thing before it is too late."<P>I'm really paraphrasing here, but that was the gist. I think she has tried to calmly discuss his behavior w/her husband, but he has no interest in making things better.<P>He has the attitude-- if you don't like it, then leave. She won't leave her own home. She's got a small child. She's asked him to go to counseling, he's said no. He just takes off and does whatever she pleases. <P><BR>She has turned to family and friends (even his family-who are disgusted by his actions), but I don't know if she's getting any positive guidance. Most of her siblings are divorced. <P>I'd like to help, but how? Any suggestions?

Right off the bat...<P>1. Get her to this site... I'm biased but send her right to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A>...<BR>that is... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html</A> <P>2. After getting introduced to the "concepts"...I would recommend that you her make a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> ($85US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A>!<P>3. Get her (and you must love her very much. ) the book... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>!<P>4. Remind her to post here frequently...<P>5. Get her to accept <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... as soon as possible!!!<P> <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited June 09, 2000).]