I have read most of the topics on what sounds somewhat like my marriage but still have mager differences my husband of thirteen years had an affair three years ago, i found out when i called out of work and my 10 year old daughter handed me the phone and said here its that women that calls for daddy all the time (devastated)<BR>i wanted to crawl in a hole and die , i still now talking about it cry i had been asking ,begging, pleading, him to help our marriage almost daily till that day i was in a self sacrisficing one-sided marriage and couldn't get him to do one thing to see me and my needs as important i was dying a little more each day after doing everything possible to make it work and to have him tell me i don't want to work at it it took all my strength to tell him i think we need to end our marriage i mean it was three years of him telling me his six month affair was something i needed to deal with and i should just go on loving him with open arms i have so much resentment from our past and now the affair that i just feel dead inside i had so many dreams i believed in us so much i think thats why i stayed in it so long. i love my life in every other way i told him i had meet someone who listened to me and made me feel so alive and loved that we needed to end this game of one-sided love cause i needed to be loved so badly . he woke up he said and in the last three months has been acting like this totally different person says he will do anything to keep me here i am very confused because i was at a point of no turning back after knowing him for thirteen+years how am i surpose to accept this to be real and why should i give up a relationship that is so what i needed for a man who has done nothing but hurt me emotionally and why is it if i decide to end the marriage does it become me who has destoryed the family? when all i wanted was him all these years and he said NO!<P>what do i do with the emptyness? <BR>we have been i couceling for four months and i don't see anything getting better<BR>any advice????

iam--<P>I too was neglected emotionally for years. I understand your pain and confusion. <P>My advice would be to go slow in any decisions. Stay in counseling. I hope you're both pleased with your counselor; if not, may be time to find a NEW one. <P>Has his affair ended? Has yours? A confusing time...and you already know in order to work on your marriage both must end, but you can't force him and he can't force you!<P>Keep posting. Do other things that make you happy. Try to enjoy pleasant times together while you decide. <P>It sounds like you've been given a second chance. Sometimes out of horrible messes rise fulfilling, healthy marriages! <P>My first marriage of 16 yrs. ended in divorce. We gave up. I am now married to a wonderful man and we're following the MB principles for more understanding of relationship mistakes we both made in the past! <P>That was the choice I made. What will you choose? We're here to listen and help you in any way we can. <P>Laura

It takes a long time to recover from things like this, but it can happen. I am sorry you waited so long for something positive to happen, but I don't think this is beyond saving. There are some really good tips here on how to make that happen. Stick around and check it out.<P>If your life is good in all other ways, I think you owe it to yourself to give this a try.